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Breaking news to partner!!

edited 26 May 2009 at 7:18PM in Debt-Free Wannabe
32 replies 9.6K views
AndoAndo Forumite
28 posts
edited 26 May 2009 at 7:18PM in Debt-Free Wannabe
Hello all, Having a terrible time at the minute. I have managed to accumalate large debts, not with a lifestyle overhaul, just to live while I tried to get my business to recover.
Problem is my partner doesn't know a thing about the situation. I am petrified of what she will say or do when she finds out. We have been together for 10 years and we have 2 kids.
Things aren't as bad as CCJs, defaults or debt collectors,but it's getting that way. What's the best way to go about this?



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Replies

  • HoraceHorace Forumite
    14.4K posts
    Hi and welcome

    If you can post your SOA (Statement of Affairs) https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html and follow the instructions to copy and past it here. We can have a pick over it and make some suggestions.

    If you have been together 10 years then you need to be honest with her - say that due to the recession that you are finding it a struggle and that you can no longer afford everything that she wants. (sorry if this last bit sounds rude - but really she needs to know).
    Semper in faeces profundum variat

    Make £5 a day challenge Oct 2014 £126.00/£155
    Make £5 a day challenge Nov 2014 £157.40/£150
    Make £10 a day challenge Dec 2014 £392.90/£310
  • AndoAndo Forumite
    28 posts
    Okay here it is. Cripes that was hard and painfull

    Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

    Household Information

    Number of adults in household........... 2
    Number of children in household......... 2
    Number of cars owned.................... 2

    Monthly Income Details

    Monthly income after tax................ 1500
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
    Benefits................................ 100
    Other income............................ 0
    Total monthly income.................... 1600


    Monthly Expense Details

    Mortgage................................ 326
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
    Rent.................................... 0
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 90
    Electricity............................. 90
    Gas..................................... 40
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 12
    Telephone (land line)................... 30
    Mobile phone............................ 35
    TV Licence.............................. 10
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 42
    Internet Services....................... 0
    Groceries etc. ......................... 380
    Clothing................................ 50
    Petrol/diesel........................... 40
    Road tax................................ 13
    Car Insurance........................... 40
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20
    Car parking............................. 20
    Other travel............................ 0
    Childcare/nursery....................... 0
    Other child related expenses............ 0
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 100
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 50
    Buildings insurance..................... 0
    Contents insurance...................... 0
    Life assurance ......................... 17
    Other insurance......................... 0
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
    Haircuts................................ 40
    Entertainment........................... 0
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 0
    Total monthly expenses.................. 1445



    Assets

    Cash.................................... 0
    House value (Gross)..................... 78000
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 3000
    Other assets............................ 0
    Total Assets............................ 81000



    Secured & HP Debts

    Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
    Mortgage...................... 52000....(326)......1.95
    Total secured & HP debts...... 52000.....-.........-


    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
    egg...........................13200.....200.......0
    MBNA...........................8200......160.......34.9
    barclaycard....................4200......100.......0
    loan...........................3000......224.......0
    overdraft......................2000......20........0
    marbles........................2500......60........0
    Total unsecured debts..........33100.....764.......-



    Monthly Budget Summary

    Total monthly income.................... 1,600
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,445
    Available for debt repayments........... 155
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 764
    Amount short for making debt repayments. -609


    Personal Balance Sheet Summary
    Total assets (things you own)........... 81,000
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -52,000
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -33,100
    Net Assets.............................. -4,100


  • BismarckBismarck Forumite
    2.6K posts
    evening....

    been there, done that....I'm still living to tell the tale!

    well done for posting...not easy getting it down on paper...

    you know it won't be pleasant and there are some great folks at showing how to make the changes that need to be done.

    couldn't help noticing that you have 2 kids and only £100 in benefits, is that child benefit, if so what is the score regarding tax credits?

    on another "good" note, your priority debts should be OK for the time being - these are the ones that can really hurt you if you don't make them.

    take it from me : tell your partner. it may take a long time to sort but you can't do it on your own and it's hard enough trying to fix it without having to do it in secret.

    gotta go but take care and keep posting....

    Bis
    For what I've done...I start again...And whatever pain may come ...Today this ends... I'm forgiving what I've done -AF since June 2007
  • edited 24 May 2009 at 11:30PM
    MerlinexcaliburMerlinexcalibur Forumite
    1.7K posts
    edited 24 May 2009 at 11:30PM
    TV Licence is £12 (bar a few pennies) now.
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 42
    That cut be could. Unless, as I note you don't have anything for internet services, it's an all inclusive package.
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 100
    This I don't know but you may be elligible for free prescriptions but I am not sure if your income is 'low' enough to qualify. Might be worth you looking it up online.
    Any help, opinions, views I may hold those are my own. Respect them as you would expect the same in return. Offered freely, is gleaned from a lifetime of experiences, knowledge gaining. Passed on to benefit others. I may be direct, ask you questions but those are to help you. Up to you if you choose to take it. I won't judge you either way.
  • BitterAndTwistedBitterAndTwisted Forumite
    22.5K posts
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Ando wrote: »
    Things aren't as bad as CCJs, defaults or debt collectors, but it's getting that way. What's the best way to go about this?

    Print out your SOA, buy a bottle of (cheap) wine and put the kids to bed. Once she's drunk the first glass, break it to her gently. I'm sure it'll be a huge weight off your shoulders and I'm sure if your relationship is rock-solid she'll support you in your new cost-cutting, frugal life-style. The kids might even enjoy the challenge as well.

    There's a huge amount of scope to reduce your costs and it'll make you feel like you're making real headway. Getting rid of that second car should be the first step, I reckon. You'll find a huge amount of practical advice and support on here. Good luck: it probably isn't going to be as bad as you think it is.
  • edited 25 May 2009 at 12:10AM
    BarneysmomBarneysmom Forumite
    10.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited 25 May 2009 at 12:10AM
    Hello, thanks for plucking up the courage to post your soa.
    I think it would be wise to tell her as soon as possible, only you know her and how she might react. She'll be upset but at least when it's out in the open you can deal with it together.

    Your prescriptions Have you looked into buying an anual certificate, it might work out cheaper if you did it that way - that's if you should be paying at all. Have a look at the site and see?

    http://www.nhsbsa.nhs.uk/1127.aspx


    I think if you stay on here and lood at the old style Moneysaving board there are loads of ways to cut the cost of your grocery bill. This is also a good site.

    http://frugal-cooking.co.uk/recipe/193/batch-bake-minced-beef-recipe



    MBNA...........................8200......160...... .34.9

    Is there any way of transferring this loan to one of the other as the rate is very high?
  • SueP19SueP19 Forumite
    1.7K posts
    PPI Party Pooper Cashback Cashier Savvy Shopper!
    Hi Ando, I been exactly where you are right now
    There will be tears and anger, but you have to remember that is the shock talking. In the end with me I took the line that with my OH that he had ignored everything and gone gaily along leaving me to cope, even though the signs were there. I asked him is he was not guilty of burying his head in the sand.
    I am sure your OH knows things are not good, so be brave and tell her.
    On an SOA point do go to the benefits website to make sure you are getting enough benefit, it may be that you are just above the limit but you should get WFTC. If your self employed I am sure your Accountant could help you with this.
    Good luck
    Mort Oct 15 [STRIKE]£70,353[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£66,422[/STRIKE] £58,804 MF [STRIKE]Dec 31[/STRIKE] Jun 31([STRIKE]191[/STRIKE] 176 mnths)
    EF 2016 £700/£1,000 Debt [STRIKE]May 09 £30,217[/STRIKE][STRIKE]Oct 17 £14,093[/STRIKE]Nov 18 £6,336.12[/B]
  • ChangingmeChangingme Forumite
    317 posts
    I have 2 children and get £132.80 a month for child benefit this is the one you get from birth till 16 get this checked.
    Save £4500 in 2014
  • PrimulaPrimula Forumite
    953 posts
    Hello and welcome
    I also think you should tell your partner, it will be difficult but you need to do it and then you can both try and sort things out together. I'm guessing you didn't spend all the money on yourself or on gamling or anything like that?
    There are quite a lot of savings you could make on your SoA:-
    Electricity
    Phones
    Food
    Clothing
    Medical? £100 seems high
    Haircuts.
    But you really need to tell your partner or she will just expect to carry on living as before.
    Also, on the salary you are on, my opinion is that two cars is a luxury you cannot really afford and going by your petrol costs, you dont seem to use them all that much? So you could save a fair bit by getting rid of one of the cars.
    Anyway, just a few wee suggestions. Good luck. I'm going to subscribe and will be back to see how you get on. Do keep us updated!
    P
  • AndoAndo Forumite
    28 posts
    Bismarck wrote: »



    couldn't help noticing that you have 2 kids and only £100 in benefits, is that child benefit, if so what is the score regarding tax credits?



    Bis

    We get about £70 pm tax credits. The family allowance goes straight into the OHs bank which she has.

    Sorry I kinda guessed that one :o
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