Annoyed with him!

gorgeous_gwen

I wanted to ask people's opinions on something.

I have a lovely little six week old baby and a DS a few years older. I've been pretty exhausted, as new mothers are:D but feeling a bit better this last few days as baby has been very good to us and decided to go to sleep earlier and not wake up as much in the night:j

DS was at his dads this weekend, and me and my boyf were talking about how with it being the bank holiday weekend, me and him could have gone to meet up with some friends in town if DS was away tonight as boyf's mum is desperate to babysit babe for an hour or two (couldn't be away from him longer just yet!), but DS's dad only had him til today so it was really all rhetorical, we realised it wasn't possible as too late to arrange a babysitter.

Boyf announced earlier that he was going to meet his mate. Said mate we knew was in town, and I was immediately peeved. Part of me feels I shouldn't be as he often meets his mate on a Sunday for drinks, but they never go to town, but boyf knew how much I'd have loved to go myself and he was saying how he wasn't bothered about going into town anyway so as far as we were concerned, we were going to have a quiet evening together.

He knows if we both wanted to go we'd have to get a babysitter and it was far too late, and I feel like he's taken advantage of knowing I couldn't go myself to be able to go himself without having to arrange a babysitter, knowing it's the first time since baby's been born that I've expressed any interest in going out, and only for a couple of hours. I tried to explain-when he said I was being childish sounding like I was saying well I can't go so he shouldn't- that it feels like he's rubbing it in my face. I'd have loved it if he'd said, look, I know you'd have really liked to have gone with me, but seeing as we haven't planned anyone to look after the kids, rather than me go and leave you sat at home, we'll stay in as planned together and spend some quality time.

Thing is it's not as if he doesn't go out at other times anyway but I just feel that this particular time that was quite rude of him to do that! Am I being overly sensitive or not?

BeenieCat

Men aren't too good at situations like this, i think my OH would do the same without thinking about it.

I agree with you, he was thoughtless and selfish, just make sure you tell him this as it's not always obvious to them!!

Sharlee

Yes, men are selfish and thoughtless, but you don't have to keep pointing it out to them (most of the time they do really know, but will take advantage of being indulged by girlfriend/mother!). Make your points clearly and simply and don't sulk. You're disappointed you couldn't go out and I would be too, but try and turn it into a positive and use your time alone for 'me time' (whatever floats your boat?). Having young children can be so stressful and demanding but also so rewarding (just wait til they're teenagers!!), so you need to make the most of this precious time and having a happy mummy and daddy is so important and beneficial to children, so they can experience a normal, healthy, happy, adult relationship.

But back in the real world - let him go out, but put it in the bank, it's got to work both ways. Being an adult and a parent means that you have to take responsibility and aren't always able to do what you would like to do.

Best of luck
Sharlee

gorgeous_gwen

Grr I'm mightily peeved about this the more I think about it!

Paparika

Did you say you were happy to go, did you say it was ok? or did you not voice your opinion?

tsstss7

GG make your point and organise a "last minute" night out with a friend another night - leaving him in charge - you don't have to go out for long and it might make you feel better if you got out too.

yoni_one

I can fully understand why you are naffed off.

It sounds like you feel he has taken advantage of you in this situation and you feel that he has not given you much consideration as he arranged something for himself.

Look at it the other way around, if your babysitting plans had collapsed last minute and if your friend had been in town and you knew your boyfriend had been looking forward to going out in to town, how would he feel if you then made plans regardless and just announced you were going out anyway?

He might think you were taking a bit of a liberty going about it in that way, and he'd be right.

I wouldn't think your bf did it to upset you but it might help if you can explain that you feel upset with the deed but moreso with the way he has gone about it.

Minxy_Bella

My ex used to do this to me all the time. I hated him with a passion after a while, as he'd just swan off, leaving me with the kids and I was completely powerless. He'd say 'there's no point in us both being in' as he preferred to go and get drunk like a single man than actually be with me and have a life together.

After I left him, one weekend he came to see the kids and I told him I was going out. His face was a picture when I said 'There's no point in us both being in, is there?'

My point being - nip it in the bud now, OP or he'll continue to take the mickey and you'll resent him for it. You can't love someone that you deeply resent IME.

gorgeous_gwen

I did say how I felt; however I know what he can be like sometimes if he's made his mind up, he has this way of being all nice about it, and persuasive, he'll promise me things saying he'll do this or that for me - things he knows I'll like - and at that point I cease discussing it and start shrugging and saying, well whatever, you can do that if you want but you know how I feel about the matter.

We spoke about it today and he said he was sorry, I'm not childish, but as far as he was concerned, he was only going to meet his mate and it was coincidence he was in town, and that I wasn't really that bothered, I just wanted to make a point (I don't get that bit!)

We did go out for a couple of hours today, just me and him which was nice, he was all "well this is what I'm doing to make it up to you (ah ha so he DOES think he was a bit wrong!) but don't say anything more about it now or else you'll just be being petty." This annoyed me because he's done this before, he'll do something knowing I'm not happy with it and thinks it's ok if he makes a big effort to make it up to me later. Grr!

Floss

Don't forget that with a 6-week baby + an older child, your hormones & emotions are all up the spout, and something that you may feel is OK one minute may be the most wrong thing in the world 10 minutes later!

Hopefully you can arrange a babysitter & go out to town with your mates one weekend soon

robbiecaratiger

Sharlee wrote: »

Yes, men are selfish and thoughtless

Sharlee

Thanks !!!! Bit of a generalisation there me thinks ?