OS and "going out" issues!

Jo_R_2

Wasn't sure where to put this so feel free to move it...

Been doing some OS budgeting, quite a new thing for us but tentatively going well, am working on shopping receipts at mo to get an average spend to set targets, just need to find all those odd ones from bits and bobs during the week...

Anyway we (or "I" should I say to be more precise :rolleyes: ) did a spreadsheet, god it's great, I am such a control freak I love it and don't know why I didn't have one before!

Problem we seem to be finding is that whilst we are vouchering our shops, looking hard at what we're buying, swapping to cheaper brands where possible etc, is that boyfy is wanting to go out drinking with the mates which does not quite figure in my budget LOL.

I have envisioned months going by of super saving, managing to build up a good stash of rainy day money, extra payments on our loan and so on, but I find it hard to justify to myself saving all this money and then him going out to blow a few pounds on beer. The thing is, I realise we work to our own means, as in saving on such things means we have more money free for other things, principally paying off debts, savings and (for us especially) supporting the independent traders. I try to balance this against the principle that money should function so that we can go out and do/buy the things we want (whatever floats yr boat) rather than just working to live but as I control the money I am finding it hard to allocate money for "going out."

Am I mad or does this make sense to you?

pavlovs_dog

it's not mad at all. the ethos of the site is not to cut out life's nicities, but to get them at the best possible price!

its ok to go out and drink beer now and again - so long as you dont drink the bar dry and you are budgeting properly, it wont spell disaster for your financial future :beer:

the trick is to find what works for you, and to do it one step at a time. dont try to revolutionise your financial situation and attitudes over night, it should be an on-going process, edited and amended appropriately as you learn what works for you and what doesnt.

you may find the best way control spending money on beer is to look at your budget and say: right, well after we've paid everything we have to pay each month, we are left with x. how about we split it so that we both get £y pocket money (up to you how you spend it, therefore no arguments. if he chooses to spend it all on beer he cant then moan to you he has no money to but...whatever else men spend their money on ), put £z towards paying off the debts that little bit quicker, or perhaps a bit towards a savings fund for emergencies?

thats all i can think of off the top of my head, its time i went to bed - im sure the rest of the OS gang will be full of wisdom in the morning.

until then, welcome to MSE, and enjoy your journey to financial enlightenment

apple_mint

We don't have this problem 'cause OH prefers to stay at home and watch a film on DVD (membership of an online DVD rental service sorted out the ongoing costs of DVDs ). We sometimes have a bottle of wine to watch the film with when we are feeling flush.

I think Pavlovs Dogs solution would be my approach. If you have your own pocket money (which you can pay into 2 separate accounts) then you can choose to spend it on what ever you like - BF on beer ... you on saving up, having weekends away, fancy hair do's, make up etc.

Anne_Marie_2

No you're not mad, just very enthusiastic!
It's the "I" and "we" thing, one of you is obviously keener, or more intent on this than the other, and it's just a case of having a balance which you are both comfortable with.
Personally I see no fun in both parties (and am talking of my own personal circumstances here), working all week, saving like mad, and having absolutely no little treats, whatever they may be. We work so that we can have a life.
It is nice to have savings, no doubt about it, but would rather save £10 a week and still be happy and able to splash out every so often on our little whims, rather than scrimp and save £30, and be downright miserable, at each other's throats, or feel resentful.
Sit down again and discuss your aims, make a realistic budget, involving spending money for treats and share that amount, and see how it goes, it can always get changed, nothing has to be totally rigid. And, if you don't want to spend your "treat allowance", open a separate savings account/mini ISA and bung it in there, then you can buy yourself something really expensive a few months down the line if you so desire, or not, as the case may be. Whatever, if you are more intent on saving, at least you can have that to fall back on.
This may or may not work for you, isn't actually what we do in all honesty, but just a suggestion, and others will be along later with others I am sure. If he doesn't get out for a beer with his mates, he might totally resent what you are doing, even though it is for the greater good, and you have the best of intentions.
Good luck.

moggins

I can see your point too as I have a DH who is mad on owning all the latest DVD's. What we've done is to allocate him pocket money to do what he likes with. He gets a certain amount paid onto his credit card to pay for petrol, expenses and spends and when he's used that up, that's that for the next month. Obviously with going out you'd need to give him cash.

calleyw

We don't go out very often because of lack of money but also because I don't like going out to smoke filled pubs and unless there is a group of you find it boring. But it can be expensive. One way we got around that was to always arrive abour 30 mins later then everyone else. So less drinking time

I find the best way to get material things. Is to join cash back sites and earn amazon vouchers. That is how in the last few months I have been able to buy a new mobile. And husband had a DVD for his Brithday present and I have just ordered a set of Coloumbo DVD's and a few other bits and pieces. Items I could have never been able to afford with just one wage coming in.

Yes it does take a while. But it is so nice to be able spend the money and know it is not coming out of my pocket and I get the goodies for free.

I agree with the pocket money thing. My husband takes out £10 a week pocket money which is for spending on sweets/papers etc and he normally does not spend that. As he works close to home. Comes home at lunch time as they have no canteen. So he struggles to spend it. So it just get rolled over to the next week.

For other items like petrol/Hobbies etc that comes from budgeted money.

It is nice to have savings. But I am on another board called Living Below Your Means. And there are always spats when someone says I spent £100 on a tie for example. But as someone always points out as long as it is with your means and budgeted for what is the problem. None.

So you just need to get the balance right. And budget a small amount for going out once in a while.

Yours


Calley

melancholly

i'm with calley on the hating pubs thing! i try to drive since the bus there and back is just more expensive, even taking parking into account. maybe i'm just antisocial, but smoke in my eyes and drinks i can't afford just don't do it for me!!

jo - how has he reacted to you telling him about the budget?! maybe a compromise of him cutting down nights out, or if somehow you could get him to suggest that, so he thinks it's his idea?! (if only i could manage to do that more often )

mirakl

I know exactly how you feel. You could start a thread in the local money saving forums for your area and get everyone's advice on where is the cheapest places to eat and drink.

Bargain_Rzl

I moved to London in 1999 for purposes of having a good job and "a life". For that reason I've always thought it very important to keep a good balance between saving and spending.

I'm nuts about opera - which, although it certainly doesn't have to be as expensive a habit as you might think, all adds up when you want to go to see as many things as I do. When I first lived in London, I was on a fairly low income but managed to go to (almost) everything I fancied. The English National Opera used to sell their cheapest seats for £2.50 (unfortunately they've now scrapped these!) and I used to go about twice a week! I'd sit in the cheap seats at other concerts for about £6 or £7, and go to the Royal Opera House in cheap seats or standing room for about £10. Although I earn a lot more now, I'm saving really hard to buy a flat and am still always on the lookout for ways to do what I love on the cheap. My main annual extravagance is my season ticket for the Proms which costs £160 - but last summer I went to 47 concerts (the max is 74!) which works out at £3.40 each!

One of my best tips for balancing work and social life is to make your hobbies work in your favour. I'm now an opera critic for a medium-profile website, and while I don't get paid for it, it gets me a lot of free tickets for things I'd be going to anyway (and means I get to sit in better seats than I can afford!). I'm also a Christian and a semiprofessional singer, and I'm a member of a salaried professional church choir (a lot of the church choirs in Central London work on this basis). None of these things is ever going to make me rich, but every little helps. If you like spending time in the pub, get a part time job in a pub - all the atmosphere without the spending and you're making some extra cash at the same time. If you like DVDs, be a free-trial tart (and make sure you do it through the cashback sites like Quidco so you actually profit from your hobby!) If you like the occasional meal out, try mystery shopping (though I haven't yet tried it myself).

I appreciate that the OP had an additional issue, of imbalance in financial priorities between self and partner, but I'm not in a position to advise on this as I'm having the same issue.

Rzl

ms_london

Jo_R wrote:

Wasn't sure where to put this so feel free to move it...

Been doing some OS budgeting, quite a new thing for us but tentatively going well, am working on shopping receipts at mo to get an average spend to set targets, just need to find all those odd ones from bits and bobs during the week...

Anyway we (or "I" should I say to be more precise :rolleyes: ) did a spreadsheet, god it's great, I am such a control freak I love it and don't know why I didn't have one before!

Problem we seem to be finding is that whilst we are vouchering our shops, looking hard at what we're buying, swapping to cheaper brands where possible etc, is that boyfy is wanting to go out drinking with the mates which does not quite figure in my budget LOL.

I have envisioned months going by of super saving, managing to build up a good stash of rainy day money, extra payments on our loan and so on, but I find it hard to justify to myself saving all this money and then him going out to blow a few pounds on beer. The thing is, I realise we work to our own means, as in saving on such things means we have more money free for other things, principally paying off debts, savings and (for us especially) supporting the independent traders. I try to balance this against the principle that money should function so that we can go out and do/buy the things we want (whatever floats yr boat) rather than just working to live but as I control the money I am finding it hard to allocate money for "going out."

Am I mad or does this make sense to you?

Perhaps the best thing to do is once all your bills are paid, debts are paid - you both have your own "pocket money" for the month. That way if boyf wants to spend his on beer, thats up to him & you can do whatever you like with your money. I know this might not be ideal, but unless he changes his attitude, I am not sure what else you can do!! It does happen a lot though - there have been quite a few posts where one partner is more "on board" than the other.

xx

Jo_R_2

melancholly wrote:

jo - how has he reacted to you telling him about the budget?! maybe a compromise of him cutting down nights out, or if somehow you could get him to suggest that, so he thinks it's his idea?! (if only i could manage to do that more often )

melancholly - LOL at making him think it's his idea! He likes the idea, especially allocating cash for stuff such as bus fares so I think if we budget an amount each month after everything else is taken care of then he could cope with that. One of his major problems with money is that he thinks that if the money is "there" then it's okay to spend it and worry about anything that comes along later. So if we all know he has his money to do what he wants with and once it's gone, it's gone then that's fair enough. Also will be nice for me to know I can have an equivalent amount to do what I like with - had to chuckle at apple_mint's suggestion about hair dos and make up - if you saw me you'd realise I never spend ANY money on either of those!!! :rotfl: