Help me please

TotallyBroke

callan05 wrote: »

Hi
I do pay religiously every month £220 maintenance and i would never grudge this. I think thats the problem though as she knows i will do anything to see my son and is trying to milk what she can.

Can I ask who decided on this amount, is this the CSA amount. If it is not I would only give her what the CSA would take from you until you are in a better financial position. Check out the CSA website to get an idea of how much they would take from you.

TCM_3

Callan, I think you are paying way too much child support/maintanence. You should not be paying her anything in the way of maintenance when you were not married to her, but you should be paying child support though. If you can, apply to the court for a "contact order" and that way you have your son at certain times, athough i suspect this may be difficult with your job if you are on a tour of duty somewhere. Please do not let this woman manipulate you with your child. The fact that he does not speak is probably nothing to do with you. Are your parents near that they can help you with him? Or any other family members? I suspect that she will milk this separation for all it is worth. Have you got a social worker involved in this case? Is your ex trying to alienate you from your little boy's life? Please please please don't take this the wrong way, I have watched my OH go through this for the past 5 years - his ex wiped out the bank, maxed out his credit cards, took the child away, said some awful things but what goes around comes around and I can see in hindsight what we should have done and didn't which is why i really feel for you.

Keep thinking of that little boy, its not easy when you have to hand him back over to the cow at the end of your time with him - don't be a guilty daddy either, she is the one causing the problems not you. Contact a local debt charity and talk the finances through with them.

Don't think that you're whinging either on here, thats what the forums are for, to off load and talk to others - a problem shared etc.

Am thinking of you, x

callan05

Hi

Many thanks to all who replied. I was in a very dark place on Friday but feel a bit better today although i am still getting put through the ringer. Had a run in with my ex new BF who decided it was a good idea to shout and swear at me in front of my wee boy. Not too clever.

I took your advice TCM and called my mortgage company Northern Rock were very helpful and have allowed me a 3 month payment holiday which is going to provide me some breathing space. Many thanks for that genius bit of advice, just don't know why i never thought of it.

I have an appointment with my lawyer on Thursday so going to address the Legal Aid side of things as well as trying to deal with her new BF.

Also I ve made an appointment with the bank manager to see if i can work out a way ahead with debts.

I also intend to make an appointment with CAB asap.

The £220.00 a month i mentioned is for child maintenance and i went off of the CSA calculator to work this out but i do agree it sounds like alot.

Once again many many thanks for all the help and advice im so grateful

DevonGirl

callan05 wrote: »

Hi


Also I ve made an appointment with the bank manager to see if i can work out a way ahead with debts.

Hello callan05

Sorry to hear you've been having a rough time of it. Not sure how you Navy blokes react to hugs from strangers but here's one anyway... :grouphug:

Good luck with seeing your bank manager. Just to remind you that banks are there to make a profit and are not on your side. Sorry, don't mean to sound patronising :A - I'm sure you know this!! - but you sound stressed out and they may convince you into signing on the dotted line in a weak moment. Advice from the CAB however would be unbiased and would help you, not any bank shareholders!

Hope things get better for you
DG

doodledo_2

Afternoon Callan and welcome to the forum like you I am going through a split and it can be pretty awful at times especially when kids are involved.

I am so glad you are doing the right thing for your son and I hate to hear that he may being used as a pawn against you. Kids are too innocent to be involved with splits and breaks my heart when I hear people using them in this way.

If your ex new boyfriend shouted at you in front of your son I think you have a right to say that you, him and your son should never been put in that situation again, just not healthy is it.

Well done on getting a payment break on your mortgage a brilliant piece of advice it will give you a few months to get your head sorted and a plan of action.

Hopefully the CAB will be able to offer you lots of advice too on what to do next.

Good luck with the bank manager but like Devongirl said just beware what they offer, they have a habit of offering more loans to clear debts etc and you end up in a viscious circle.

Good luck and keep posting you are amongst friends

callan05

Hi

Thanks Devongirl and doodledo ! I totally understand what you mean with regards to the bank. My plan of attack was to make them an offer of ways i can repay the overdraft and things and see waht they say, if at least i can agree that and get interest stopped i'll be a happier boy.
I also just accepted an offer from someone to rent the house that won't sell so not only do i have a mortgage holiday but gaining a rental income, this will go a long way and cover mortgage when the holiday is over.
Not quite sure yet where i will live but i guess thats all part of the fun. I may rent something smaller as i am sigle after all and don't need to be rattling about a big house.
Devongirl, all the nice girls love a sailor so i am more than happy to accept a hug x

aligerdie

Just found this thread, and after reading it, I wanted to just say how nice it is to see someone so determined to ensure they get to see their son.

Whilst you have all this going on with money, and what sounds like an awful ex, you should be proud of the way you're fighting for your son.
I wish my ex was more like you with my daughter.

Great news about your house and getting someone to rent it, at least that takes some of the strain off for a while.


Random question I know, but do you keep a diary of everything that happens with your ex? Now that her bf is involved, it might be an idea to keep a daily diary of everything that happens (esp with the bf), all the phone calls, letters, txts etc. I was advised to do this as in the long run, when you do go to court it may assist you.

Since you've started posting, your outlook seems a lot more positive.

Good luck x

callan05

Hi Alegerdie

Thankyou

My outlook is more positive as the people on here have helped point me in the right direction, plus a couple of things have fallen into place.

I was advised to keep a diary before but to be honest i'm a bit scatty when it comes to these things although i have kept texts and an email. The thing her BF doesn't realise is that the more he gets involved the more determined i am that i will get to see Callan. He is my weak spot but he is also the one thing that keeps me focussed and driven and determined to give him the best life possible.
They are doing there best to cut me out of his life to the point i don't know where they live, i no longer have a contact number for his mum and i can only contact her by email !! The whole thing is nuts.

I hate men who walk away from there children it makes a mockery of all that i am fighting for and they should be held to account for it as no child deserves that.

xxx

russt2000

Just wanted to add my support , your trying the hardest and you deserve a break on this , get to that solicitor ,they shouldnt be allowed to do this , now this is just a long shot but these days im sure there is some sort of fathers group .who fight for access rights . may be a source of help and advice.
keep positive , with determmination you will get there.

russ

callan05

Thanks Russ

Feel i've turned this into fathers for justice fight. Really i should be concentrating more on the sorting of my finances.
Long way to go should really try and work out who i owe money to and how much