Help Needed with Identity Theft By a Family Member

never-in-doubt

ChrisMc90 wrote: »

I would rather handle this without going to the police if it is at all possible. I confronted her about this letter earlier, and she has said she will contact 1st Credit tomorrow. To make sure this actually happens I'm insisting that I am present when she does it, and that she has the loudspeaker on whilst on the phone, so I know exactly what is being said.

Regardless of whether this particular loan gets sorted out, I am definately going to citizens advice this week, and am also going to run an online credit check on myself, to see if she has anything else out in my name.

Also, Never-In-Doubt, what exactly is this protective registering you mentioned in your post? Is there a way of making it so that loans cannot be taken out in my name, if i am not there in person to consent?

http://www.cifas.org.uk/default.asp?edit_id=565-85

You basically set a password and everything you apply for would be sent to underwriting and they would ring you for this password. It stops the exact thing your mum is doing, unless she could guess the password of course.... make it almost impossible to remember!

Hectors_House

We have all made mistakes and done things we shouldn't have and I bet most of our mums would never send us to prison - they would protect us and I think we should do the same and protect them, even if they have done wrong.

Your mum is an addict, she needs help - like an alcoholic or druggie..... give her a chance (or even 100 chances)

I think its disgraceful to snitch on the woman who gave birth to you - FAMILY LOYALTIES![/QUOTE]

I should hope, if I become an addict and started stealing money from family members to feed it my mother WOULD call the police on me.

Addiction is not best handled within the family.

Edinburghlass_2

ChrisMc90 wrote: »

I would rather handle this without going to the police if it is at all possible. I confronted her about this letter earlier, and she has said she will contact 1st Credit tomorrow. To make sure this actually happens I'm insisting that I am present when she does it, and that she has the loudspeaker on whilst on the phone, so I know exactly what is being said.

If the loan is in your name then they won't speak to your mother.

fiveyearplan

Hi Chris. You are in a very delicate situation. I have never been in a situation like that so couldn't really say what I would do in your shoes - I just wanted to offer you support. Try that protective registering link posted by neverindoubt.

I wish you luck and hope you get a positive resolution to the problem. Can you come back after you've spoken to CAB and let us know what they advise?

fiveyearplan

Edinburghlass wrote: »

If the loan is in your name then they won't speak to your mother.

Maybe thats a way she could 'shop' herself. If Chris is there with her then she can tell them she took out the loan in his name. That way she would be taking responsibility for her own actions instead of Chris having to 'shop' his own mother.

RobertoMoir

never-in-doubt wrote: »

I can't believe you guys shouting 'go to the police and report it'.....

If he cannot repay the loan himself, his choices are stark. If the OP wants to avoid paying back loans they never actually took out, they'll need to tell the loan companies they've been a victim of fraud/identity theft. You can't really claim that and then not follow it through by going to the police. I myself am not advocating one position or another, merely laying out the alternatives and consequences as I see them.

The current plan to have the mother phone the loan company and fess up might well result in the loan company contacting the police or taking legal action - the loan company is also a victim here, remember?

never-in-doubt wrote: »

I think its disgraceful to snitch on the woman who gave birth to you - FAMILY LOYALTIES!

Family loyalties cut both ways. I appreciate this is a sensitive issue for the OP which is why I didn't want to say this but consider how family loyalty is repaying the OP: This sounds like an abusive relationship to me; emotional blackmail, threats to kick someone out of the house... how would you describe that if it were a husband behaving this way to their wife?

Another thing to consider: If the OP's mother is addicted to gambling or something like that, then enabling her addition is not showing "FAMILY LOYALTIES!" Truly being a loyal friend or family member to someone in that position might very well involve some tough choices.

It's easy to keep your head down and tell yourself that you don't want to cause trouble or don't want to be a "snitch" or whatever. It takes true love for someone to step up to the plate and do whatever it takes to break them out of a self-abusive cycle regardless of the consequences to your relationship with them. If that means reporting a drug addict (I know that isn't the case here, just making a point) or someone who can't stop stealing to the police once your other more "reasonable" options have failed, then so be it.

thriftymomma

I'm so sorry to hear you Mum is treating you this way. I have no advice but couldn't read and run. I hope you can get it sorted out. You could get a notice of correction put on your credit files, that all applications need to be referenced back through you maybe?

never-in-doubt

They say it costs the parent several grand to bring each kid up - isn't she worth one last chance?

Sorry, where I come from you take the loss on the chin and learn from it, you don't go to the filth - certainly not over your mum, sorry, I could never agree or condone such. I am too loyal and would keep it internally.

Your mum has been silly - granted, but she is your mum after all.

never-in-doubt

You can add a million permutations, go for it, but each person has their own morals and I was brought up that you don't shop family members - i'd deal internally. In fact I have for similar in the past.

You guys just don't see what i'm saying, a parent reporting a kid for drugs or whatever could sort the kid out. Likewise if a parent is a !!!!!! or something then sure i'd say report them but this is petty theft - at the end of the day it is money!

Bottom line is the OP has a couple of choices, report everything and makes mum pay for her crime or she takes the hit and works with her mum to get through it - as a team, together.

TheGrant

Frank Gallagher? Is that you?