work travel - own time?

seadee

halia wrote: »

Horace wrote: »

He needs to manage his diary better than he does - so people can book appointments but if he managed it better he could say, sorry I cannot be at x meeting because I am at y instead, he has to learn to give apologies.
That was one of my points - he says he CAN'T do this, there is no system or permissions by which he can restrict access to his diary and as I said earlier if someone else double books him HE is blamed for not turning up at whichever meeting he can't get to.
He trys to manage his diary to reflect his commitments - but then other people change/cancel/overbook things often with only 12 hrs notice.
There is something fundamentally wrong here. This system is totally unworkable. He may say he can't do this but I am sorry but he must learn to be able to do it.

Mind you, I would have thought that someone is such a senior position would have had a secretary or at least the use of one.

Nope he doesn't - no admin or secretarial support at all for him or any of his colleagues or the department as a whole Not that uncommon, but it may be worth asking for someone to help

I do think that you should be a bit more supportive because it cannot be easy for him to come home to a moaning wife.
And its not easy staying up til 9pm with a crying child who is heartbroken because daddy didn't get back in time for something he'd promised to come to.
Supportive how? lie and pretend its OK for him not to be around, ignore the health problems and insomnia?


He is doing this work for you and your family no matter how hard it is.
and I'm doing work for us as well - or are you one of those people who think suits magiclaly float themselves to the drycleaner, that fridges automatically restock, Shirts iron themselves and meals just appear steaming hot on the table?
(oh and thats leaving out any p/t paid work I do, the childcare for OUR son which enables him to work, the finance and travel management, the assistance with writing reports for work, the DIY, the cleaning etc etc) Quite right

I never asked him too - I never wanted more money than we had 10 years ago when we met and have consistantly said so ever since he started up the corporate pole and started looking more and more stressed that all I wanted was him happy and around a bit more. Can he go down the pole again to a less stressful job? I knew someone who did this.

Maybe instead of sitting at home whinging then perhaps you could consider getting a job yourself that way he could perhaps give up his job and stay at home whilst you earn? Just an idea.
What a lovely assumption - until Janaury I WAS earning and still did all the above list at home. I'm looking for another job and would LOVE to get back to my career whilst he stayed at home and did childcare - I've suggested it about once a month for the past 3 years.

Your OH needs to be a lot more pro-active in managing his home/life balance.
And "can't" is not really an option here, you both need to look for solutions

mountainofdebt

Halia

whilst I appreciate your sentiments and concerns, unless your OH is prepared to do something about his situation then all the arguments in the world will not change the situation.

Yes I've been where you are - OH working away, often called to last minute meetings and having to deal with a 4 year who need regular hospital (not life threatening but tiring nevertheless) visits and generally fed up of my own company and that was whilst I was working (admittedly part time ) and still running a house.

What I quickly learnt was that whilst it was tough going for me, it was also tough for the OH so instead of arguing about how long he was away when he was at home, the time we did have together was going to be fun.

Only when your OH makes that decision that climbing up the corporate ladder isn't worth the sacrifies will he do something about it but until then I'm afraid you will have to bite your tongue.....

annie123

halia wrote: »

Um. Annie you don't know that none of us have major health problems. You didn't mention any as part of your reasons that your OH should be home with you.
And of course parents have to stay up with crying kids but I'd guess that you don't have any of your own or you would understand that explaining to a 4 yr old why daddy hasn't come home isn't easy. I have 2, the elsest 28, the youngest 19, I was a single working parent to the first for many of those years too.

Health problems - well I could take a wild stab and say that maybe the GP was right when he TWICE said that my partners job was causing him major stress and he was displaying not only emotional symptoms but stress related physical symptoms like heart flutters, blackouts and insomnia. All the more reason for you to support him and not add to his stress.All you stated was that your partner didnt like but seemed to be putting up with it. My DH had a mini heart attack in his 30's due to work stress thats why we down shifted as per my first reply.

Left out - of course I feel left out! I married someone I wanted to spend time with. We all do, but we dont get to pick thise times, a marriage contract does not have days/times written into it!

Obviuosly I am in a minority which thinks that family should come before work Up to a point you are right, but part of the familyy come first bit is putting a roof over their heads and food on the table, better than having no roof, or food but lots of free time.if you dont agree try it, its not fun.and that your gravestone shouldn't read: "Worked 70 hr weeks, missed his sons birthday and died at 50 from stress related heart problems"

I also note from your other posts that you're having building work done on your home and moving into rented accommodation whilst it is done. This can be stressful by itself, the last thing on your hubbys mind is 'lets risk the job and be laid off',now is not the time to do that.

ceridwen

Halia

I sympathise with your position and your husband being "run ragged" by that firm.

I'd ignore the !!!!!y/refuse to understand type posts that are being made on this thread. Seadee is talking a lot of sense about how to deal with this.

I wonder if Seadee might have any suggestions as to how to get your husbands diary removed from this "shared drive" thing. Hubbie could try appealing to peoples consciences/commonsense not to keep putting entries onto it with a blithe disregard of everyone else's entries - I suppose it "might" work - but I'm no great optimist at believing that a lot of people have either conscience or commonsense - so I think it looks like he might have to try to get this diary blocked off somehow or other from Tom/!!!!!!/Harry being able to put things on it at will.

What ever happened to things like videoconferencing too? Arent there any possibilities along those lines? Does he actually have to be "physically" present at all these different locations? Wouldnt his "virtual" presence be just as good? I have noted that some conferences/lectures/etc are now held on "Second Life" - is that a possibility for him?

But you are right in thinking along the lines of no-one ever went to their grave thinking "I wish I'd spent more time at the office".

Maybe too its become some sort of macho/self-esteem type thing going on in his firm to be "seen" to do all this rushing to and fro across the country thing - and your husband is under pressure to conform to this - maybe they're all playing "the first one to talk sense about timekeeping and mention virtual conferences is a wuss" mindgames. But - its worth a go - at the firm that is...

Good luck....and I bet I'm in the "firing line" now for my comments from the group of rude posters that frequent this Board....oh well....if it gives them their "adrenaline rush" that they seem to need for the day...and at least it will give you (Halia) a "break" from them to "catch your breath".....

So - Halia - just dont let the "Rudester Brigade" here deter you...keep your pecker up gal.

EDIT: Had a further thought...all this rushing to and fro on cars/planes for "business reasons" is so 20th Century....it wont be able to continue much longer...The more progressively-minded firms can already see that and/or like a good bit of "greenwash" (being seen to reduce their carbon footprint) - so maybe thats a little thought for hubbie too - ie persuading the firm that they want to be seen to "do their bit" to reduce their carbon footprint by swopping over as far as possible to "virtual" presences - rather than "physical" presences at these farflung locations.

seadee

Time management appears to be the key.

Frankly I cannot see how it is possible for your partners diary to be double booked so often.

What system do they use do you know?

We used MS Outlook for diaries and several people could write entries in mine. Many more could read what my availability was. And anyone could send me a meeting request which could be accepted, or more importantly,declined.

You need to discuss what he root issues are as everyone can make changes, we just have to live with the consequences of them.
Obviously you need to talk about everything not just work.

Good luck

Any

I absolutely agree witht he diary issues. Seadee is talking a lot of sense when she is saying this is impossible, but I don't agree Ceridwen's post who basicaly just went around and tried to attack everyone who dared to post here. "Rudester brigade"?
You asked for our opinion and you got it. Of course the problem is, that maybe some of these people know what thery are talking about when they say things like "well, he has got A job", because lot of people had lost theirs. It cannot be easy. I am not saying I agree with all of the posts on here but that doesn't mean that I will go around and slag them off.

Even your OH's company has to realise, that if your OH is double booked and doesn't turn up to one of the meetings it paints the wrong picture about the company.
It does seem that your OH is not willing to speak to anyone about his issues as he is probably worried about his job or that someone might get his job instead. You might be right when you say he might be a bit "wussy".

I feel for you as it must be very hard. I can understand you are under lots of stress. But at times you are exaggerating, like when you are talking about explaining 4 yr old why is daddy not at home. Children are not taking it so dramaticaly as us adults (I was one of those children who never had either of the parents at home and I love them for it - because they didn't do it to be "the big boss" who doesn't care, but to provide for my education etc). Children realise this and can separate later on in their life.

I think your issue is with your OH and him being "wuss" as you put it. But that is the man you married. He couldn't have changed so dramaticaly. It is very difficult to advise in such a situation, because we don't know your OH that well and more pressure might cause him to stop communicate with you completely.. No man likes being told off on regular basis. You are in very dangerous waters and have to proceed with care.

LinasPilibaitisisbatman

What exactly is your OH's employment and salary?

These are vital. Many jobs are salaries and its expected that what needs done is done.

Working in Macdonalds for 5.73 an hour and working as a regional manager for say a health care provider officially 9-5 for £30k a year is entirely different.

myothercarisaferrari

If he hates it, tell him to leave! then he can spend more time with you and someone else out of work can have his job.

Its part and parcel of work. My boyf works away a lot and had to leave yesterday at 4:30am to get to London for a 9am meeting. Yes it bugs me as i spend a lot of time on my own but then it enables us to live in the house that we do and the livestyle that we do.

It takes me 45 mins to get to work, sometimes an hour on the way home.

seadee

LinasPilibaitisisbatman wrote: »

What exactly is your OH's employment and salary?

These are vital. Many jobs are salaries and its expected that what needs done is done.

Working in Macdonalds for 5.73 an hour and working as a regional manager for say a health care provider officially 9-5 for £30k a year is entirely different.

These are of no consequence so stop fishing.

woody01

Well i think you and your OH need to consider yourselves very fortunate.
Good Salary almost always equal strange hours and travelling.

I travel and do long hours alot but get a very good salary to compensate me for that.
If he isnt happy, then someone else would be glad of the opportunity and he can go back to something thats dead end.

This is called Real Life!