work travel - own time?

halia

well I'm not about to post what my partner earns! however I can say that one particular week if we took into account the travel time, weekend working, late evenings etc his actual takehome hourly rate was only just above the minimum wage.

If he loved the job I wouldn't have a problem - but he hates it.

My view is that if he's actually getting the equivilant of £5-7/hr then its not that highly paid.

How can I support him, I find it very difficult to ignore the impact on family life (including explaining to a 4yr old why daddy isn't home again) and the impact on his health. And saying "oh thats OK dear" if he tells me he will be away overnight again feels like I'm saying that I dont' care whether he is here or not.
I'd far rather be much poorer and have him around more.

As far as the scheduling side of things goes he just tells me that he can't do anything about it. He doesn't have anyone 'managing' his diary - its available on the shared servers and anyone can book things into it. They don't even have to wait for confirmation from him before they book it.
If someone doublebooks a meeting which clashes with a preplanned event thats in his diary its not them who gets it in the neck when he can't be in two places at once.

well i guess thats why I would never take that kind of job - I dont' want to work 80 hr weeks for the privilage of a 40k salary when for 25k I can get a job with set hours and a lieu time policy for hours worked above the standard 37 a week - the hourly rate is better!

annie123

Been there, seen it, done it!

My DH left after several years of senior management and we down shifted our house for a flat to accommodate the drop in income and get our lives back at his request.

Longer hours go with the extra money I'm afraid as do missing theater shows/kids birthday parties etc.

When many have lost their jobs or being paid less now he is working hard to keep his so he can support his family. Let him come to his own decisions on time management both at work and home.

And sorry, but I think your hubby needs your support now, not your complaints.

Horace

In this day and age, I think you should appreciate that your partner has a job because there are many out there that don't. He needs to manage his diary better than he does - so people can book appointments but if he managed it better he could say, sorry I cannot be at x meeting because I am at y instead, he has to learn to give apologies. Mind you, I would have thought that someone is such a senior position would have had a secretary or at least the use of one.

I do think that you should be a bit more supportive because it cannot be easy for him to come home to a moaning wife. He is doing this work for you and your family no matter how hard it is. Maybe instead of sitting at home whinging then perhaps you could consider getting a job yourself that way he could perhaps give up his job and stay at home whilst you earn? Just an idea.

seadee

halia wrote: »

well I'm not about to post what my partner earns! however I can say that one particular week if we took into account the travel time, weekend working, late evenings etc his actual takehome hourly rate was only just above the minimum wage.

If he loved the job I wouldn't have a problem - but he hates it.

My view is that if he's actually getting the equivilant of £5-7/hr then its not that highly paid.

How can I support him, I find it very difficult to ignore the impact on family life (including explaining to a 4yr old why daddy isn't home again) and the impact on his health. And saying "oh thats OK dear" if he tells me he will be away overnight again feels like I'm saying that I don't care whether he is here or not.
I'd far rather be much poorer and have him around more.

As far as the scheduling side of things goes he just tells me that he can't do anything about it. He doesn't have anyone 'managing' his diary - its available on the shared servers and anyone can book things into it. They don't even have to wait for confirmation from him before they book it.
If someone doublebooks a meeting which clashes with a preplanned event thats in his diary its not them who gets it in the neck when he can't be in two places at once.

well i guess thats why I would never take that kind of job - I dont' want to work 80 hr weeks for the privilage of a 40k salary when for 25k I can get a job with set hours and a lieu time policy for hours worked above the standard 37 a week - the hourly rate is better!

You need to make him aware of your concerns, for his health and your (family) well being) There is no use him working himself to a state where he has some wort of health problem, that satisfies no-one.

He needs to manage his diary.
Depending on what system they use he should be able to set permissions which restrict access to it, or at least limit those who can write in it.
He can do something about it he just has to really want to.

He needs to take control of his work so that you can all get your lives back.

When my son was young I was worried that because of all the hours, the early starts and late finishes, that I was missing out on his growing up. I sat down and worked out s system that would work for me and hopefully my employer.
I told my OH that if my employer didn't accept my proposals I would leave the job.

My boss heard me out, decided that what I was suggesting was perfectly achievable and reasonable and so it was win win siltation.

Being cash rich and time poor is not a good thing

EDIT - just seen replies that suggest you should be grateful he has a job and that you should stop moaning about him working so hard.
I beg to differ. Family comes first.

PasturesNew

I've done that loads of times in a low paying job. Leaving home at 4am to arrive in London on the earliest train (arriving just past 10am), then in meetings and rushing to catch the last train back (4.30), finally arriving home at 10:45. No time off in lieu... it's just expected mostly that people travel these extras in their own time.

It's not right, but it's what happens. I hated it.. and the "not knowing if/when it would happen next".

In one job I did 9-6 in the office, then drove up north for 6 hours, arrived at the hotel at midnight. 9am meeting in Leeds, across to Manchester for an afternoon meeting, then across to Hull, got to the hotel at 10pm. 9am meeting the next morning, followed by a day on site and driving home, arriving home at midnight, back in the office at 9am the next morning.

No time off, no extra pay. Not a well paid or senior position ... you just do it because it has to be done.

seadee

PasturesNew wrote: »

I've done that loads of times in a low paying job. Leaving home at 4am to arrive in London on the earliest train (arriving just past 10am), then in meetings and rushing to catch the last train back (4.30), finally arriving home at 10:45. No time off in lieu... it's just expected mostly that people travel these extras in their own time.

It's not right, but it's what happens. I hated it.. and the "not knowing if/when it would happen next".

In one job I did 9-6 in the office, then drove up north for 6 hours, arrived at the hotel at midnight. 9am meeting in Leeds, across to Manchester for an afternoon meeting, then across to Hull, got to the hotel at 10pm. 9am meeting the next morning, followed by a day on site and driving home, arriving home at midnight, back in the office at 9am the next morning.

No time off, no extra pay. Not a well paid or senior position ... you just do it because it has to be done.

You just do it because no-one has figured out the proper way to work, although the working time regulations can help some people.

mountainofdebt

It wasn't uncommon for OH to get up at 4am to drive for 90 mins to fly to the otherside of the country to do the reverse journey back all in the same day having done a day's work inbetween.

it is a difficult one but I don't think the situation is being helped by you arguing with him over it - he is obviously aware that the situation is far from ideal but unless he is prepared to do something about it (and is chosing not to do something about it because he is concerned as being seen as 'rocking the boat') then there is nothing you can do about it.

You mention he hates the job - is he looking elsewhere?

halia

Horace wrote: »

He needs to manage his diary better than he does - so people can book appointments but if he managed it better he could say, sorry I cannot be at x meeting because I am at y instead, he has to learn to give apologies.
That was one of my points - he says he CAN'T do this, there is no system or permissions by which he can restrict access to his diary and as I said earlier if someone else double books him HE is blamed for not turning up at whichever meeting he can't get to.
He trys to manage his diary to reflect his commitments - but then other people change/cancel/overbook things often with only 12 hrs notice.

Mind you, I would have thought that someone is such a senior position would have had a secretary or at least the use of one.

Nope he doesn't - no admin or secretarial support at all for him or any of his colleagues or the department as a whole

I do think that you should be a bit more supportive because it cannot be easy for him to come home to a moaning wife.
And its not easy staying up til 9pm with a crying child who is heartbroken because daddy didn't get back in time for something he'd promised to come to.
Supportive how? lie and pretend its OK for him not to be around, ignore the health problems and insomnia?


He is doing this work for you and your family no matter how hard it is.
and I'm doing work for us as well - or are you one of those people who think suits magiclaly float themselves to the drycleaner, that fridges automatically restock, Shirts iron themselves and meals just appear steaming hot on the table?
(oh and thats leaving out any p/t paid work I do, the childcare for OUR son which enables him to work, the finance and travel management, the assistance with writing reports for work, the DIY, the cleaning etc etc)

I never asked him too - I never wanted more money than we had 10 years ago when we met and have consistantly said so ever since he started up the corporate pole and started looking more and more stressed that all I wanted was him happy and around a bit more.

Maybe instead of sitting at home whinging then perhaps you could consider getting a job yourself that way he could perhaps give up his job and stay at home whilst you earn? Just an idea.
What a lovely assumption - until Janaury I WAS earning and still did all the above list at home. I'm looking for another job and would LOVE to get back to my career whilst he stayed at home and did childcare - I've suggested it about once a month for the past 3 years.

annie123

halia wrote: »

And its not easy staying up til 9pm with a crying child who is heartbroken because daddy didn't get back in time for something he'd promised to come to.
Supportive how? lie and pretend its OK for him not to be around, ignore the health problems and insomnia?

Your being dramatict now, you asked for opinions and got them.

Parents stay up with children after 9pm crying for all sorts of reasons every evening.

Why the health problems/insomia?.......He has a job, none of you have major health problems, you just dont like him being away from you so much, are you jealous of the job?

He is a hard working husband, with a wife and child to support, whats the problem? if he is putting up with what are your problems with his job, then why cant you?

Have you considered that you are feeling left out as you now dont have a job? just an idea.

halia

Um. Annie you don't know that none of us have major health problems.

And of course parents have to stay up with crying kids but I'd guess that you don't have any of your own or you would understand that explaining to a 4 yr old why daddy hasn't come home isn't easy.

Health problems - well I could take a wild stab and say that maybe the GP was right when he TWICE said that my partners job was causing him major stress and he was displaying not only emotional symptoms but stress related physical symptoms like heart flutters, blackouts and insomnia.

Left out - of course I feel left out! I married someone I wanted to spend time with.

Obviuosly I am in a minority which thinks that family should come before work and that your gravestone shouldn't read: "Worked 70 hr weeks, missed his sons birthday and died at 50 from stress related heart problems"