Is this likely?

Soubrette

I have to agree with Blob here, my youngest is 13 and is well aware of our family budget including maintenance.

She often tells me what her Dad spends at his house, I don't think she sees it as 'spying' more that she doesn't understand why she is such a low priority compared to other things, or that her Dad keeps telling her how poor he is but then spend £200 on a car bit for his hobby car.

Children have a very black and white view of justice and fairness and find it hard to see the nuances and justifications that we adults use. I think it genuinely puzzles her that what he says doesn't add up (in her mind) to what he does and she needs to talk this 'cognitive dissonance' out a lot.

I never bring the subject up but if she wants to talk about it, then I never stop her either.

Sou

Blob

We have to remember it matters not what we think of our ex's they are still a parent to the kids. In their turn they grow up and make their own minds up as to what has happened between their parents. Also both parents are very important to the kids and it hurts them to see them fighting as well as running down of one by the other.

If one side actually praises the other and then that sid put the other down, is it supprising that they make a decision to help one or other, just think about it, if you are told not to do something then you only want to do it even more, its human nature!

If you can't see it LG then I am sorry for you, and from your comments, and I may well be wrong and hope that I am. It would seem that you may try to use your children as a weapon, be it emotionally or financially to get at your ex!

Soubrette

Blob wrote: »

We have to remember it matters not what we think of our ex's they are still a parent to the kids. In their turn they grow up and make their own minds up as to what has happened between their parents. Also both parents are very important to the kids and it hurts them to see them fighting as well as running down of one by the other.

If one side actually praises the other and then that sid put the other down, is it supprising that they make a decision to help one or other, just think about it, if you are told not to do something then you only want to do it even more, its human nature!

If you can't see it LG then I am sorry for you, and from your comments, and I may well be wrong and hope that I am. It would seem that you may try to use your children as a weapon, be it emotionally or financially to get at your ex!

I think you are reading far too much into the fact that she does not agree with you

Sou

edited to add she as in Loopy, not your ex-wife.

Blob

Sou

Work with me here if it was my ex then the complaints would be rolling in from what we would be saying to eachother, and agressive wont begin to cover it!

Loopy_Girl

Blob wrote: »

We have to remember it matters not what we think of our ex's they are still a parent to the kids. In their turn they grow up and make their own minds up as to what has happened between their parents. Also both parents are very important to the kids and it hurts them to see them fighting as well as running down of one by the other.

If one side actually praises the other and then that sid put the other down, is it supprising that they make a decision to help one or other, just think about it, if you are told not to do something then you only want to do it even more, its human nature!

If you can't see it LG then I am sorry for you, and from your comments, and I may well be wrong and hope that I am. It would seem that you may try to use your children as a weapon, be it emotionally or financially to get at your ex!

You don't know !!!!!! about my life as unlike you I don't find it appropriate to share every tiny little detail about myself on here.

You come on here preaching like you are a mix of Mother Theresa and Red Adair and spout your pop psychology about what being a parent is and it turns out that your daughter is sneaking around and running back to Daddy and telling you how bad life is - if it's that bad then surely they would be better off living with you and you can save yourself the CS. Always strange how the PWC is a big bad monster but there is no mention of removing them from such a bad environment.

I don't have children - I have one child and I do not use her as a weapon towards my ex. Maybe one day when you have stopped saving the world and taken every man and his dog to court and told us - yet again - that you served in the Falklands (wasn't aware that conscription was on force there mind....oh that's right, it wasn't - it was your and every other person that chooses to sign up that went to war) you might take the time to read some of my posts and you may be able to ascertain what issues I have with the CSA.

You might not though as I don't spill my guts like you.

Blob

Hi LG

Thanks for your comments very enlightening, and a good insite.

I would love nothing better than my children to come and live with me, and I personally would not want a penny from my ex.


As for my daughter, she is not snooping round, she is looking out for herself and her brother, and I am sure that she dose not tell me everything.

As for your opinion of me you are eltitled to think what you like, and say what you like, we still live in a free country, because there are many people that will fight for it. Those of us that have dont ask you to thank us or to appreicate what we have done for you, must of us hope that you will be happy in the country that you live in as well as safe.

Loopy_Girl

So why don't your kids live with you then? If you are proclaiming to be such a great father and your daughter is resorting to reading confidential bits of mail, then surely life would be better with you?

Blob

That is very simple to answer. As a result of the divorce I was basicly left homeless, I had 1 room to live in for a while. My ex got social housing as the house was reposesed due to me being bankrupt. The Court and I dont blame them at all gave a residency order to my ex, made sence really, especially as there was a third child from her first marrage, the very sad part about that is she became very ill had major surjury that gave her a further 5 years and has since died, my ex got her solicitor to write to me to tell me and tell me to stay away from the funeral!

Since then I met someone else and we have managed to get a home of our own. It is doubtfull in the extream that if I went back to the Court and asked for the order to be overturned it would be. It was tentitivly explored by my solicitor and it really is a non starter, again the children are seteled with their mother, and just because they fight all the time and their mother and step-father fight infront of the children, it is not physical at this time or so I understand, so it wont be changed.

For his part the Judge did tell their mother that he expected teh children to go to court unless things changed and he would give them what they asked for.

Hope you understand a little now.

Loopy_Girl

Find it strange that the children's wishes wouldn't be taken into consideration as I am sure that particularly your son must be sick of the arguing.

I am struggling to get my head round why this house would apparantly be a nightmare and yet your son (as we know about your daughter), seems happy to stay. Something is not adding up.

steeler1

Well, I lost the flow there for a while. It just shows what a highly emotive subject this is. I'm still going through all the crap, but in answer to the original query, the CSA don't send someone to your house in normal circumstances-if you haven't made a claim then it's highly unlikely. You don't have to declare maintenance to the tax credits. If you are receiving £240 a month from yr ex then I wouldn't bother with the CSA, you may be no better off. I've been awarded a higher payment by the CSA but they seem unable to collect. I get angry and it does affect the kids-we're all human, all you can do is try your best. We all love our kids-that's the problem! Good luck with sorting things out