Advice Needed Please

blondy24

Hi Everyone,

Sorry if this post bores you but I need to tell someone about how I feel and felt for quite a few months.

I live with my OH and we have been together for just over two years. In the last few months we moved into another rented place and I thought things would get better with us but they haven't really tbh.

For the past month my OH has slept on the sofa apart from say 2 nights, he stays up till whatever time he feels like and doesn't get up even when I leave to go to work at 8am! OH currently doesn't have a job and is looking but I am paying all the rent and my parents are helping us out with bills etc.

Our sexual relationship is non existence we have made love probably three times since beg of Feb (yes I know shocking!) I am not a big fan of sex tbh and it has definitely dwindled over the past year I don't think I would feel definitely even if it was Will Smith or Brad Pitt! lol

Is there something wrong with me or is it him, please help. We do argue quite a lot as we have money issues and I have a full time job but the money just goes staight away on the first of every month.

Does anyone else feel like this.

(BTW I am 26 years old!!)

angelicmary85

Hi Blondy,

Money can have a huge impact on a relationship and tbh, if he doesn't have job you're probably resenting him for not being to help you out.

blondy24

Thanks - I just hate the way things are atm and I always seem to either feel very upset or angry.

vik6525

Daft question, but have you actually sat down and discussed how you feel with him?

blondy24

Yes lots of times, he has talked about moving out before now a fair few times too.

angelicmary85

Do you want to be with him?

blondy24

I want to be happy, feel loved, not have so many money worries, settle down and have a baby but not 100% if it is right with him or not, although all my previous relationships were not very sexual. Is there something wrong with me!!

Pssst

I suspect that this relationship is all but finished. The only thing stopping your man from shipping out as that he may have no where to go or cant get motivated to find somewhere.

I am slightly curious about your comment re not being "a big fan of sex".

Have you thought about this as it is a feature of previous relationships also.

I think there are few women who do not enjoy the intemacy and joy of sex within the right sort of relationship.

Maybe you are having the wrong sort?

Sparky09

I agree with Pssst, he must realise its all over but it sounds like he maybe hanging on as no where to go. I'm sure if you met a man you were emotionally connected too you would have sexual desires for him. But if I came and saw my partner lounging around doing !!!!!! all, I certainly wouldn't have any attraction to them, and I'm a bloke!

I'd suggest getting rid of him and living alone for a while, financially it will make no difference if your paying all the bills, and I'm sure you'll enjoy a whole new lease of life. While you may get lonely at the start, your feelings of anger will disappear immediately making it more than worth it.

Savvy_Sue

Huge generalisations follow, but in general, men tend to be bigger fans of sex than women.

The best kind of man to have sex with (not that I know much about this!) is one who realises this, and is prepared to put some effort into making the woman enjoy it as much as he does, with minimal effort.

However, your man doesn't seem prepared to put much effort into anything, does he? Not working, not working at your relationships, not making you feel loved (although that last may be mutual).

So no, I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with you. Either of you could be depressed, of course. That can kill your sex life, and your ability to make an effort.

vik6525

blondy24 wrote: »

I want to be happy, feel loved, not have so many money worries, settle down and have a baby but not 100% if it is right with him or not, although all my previous relationships were not very sexual. Is there something wrong with me!!

Hun....

Could it just be that you've lost respect for him?

You seem to be doing everything, and hes sitting round the house like a teenager. I know that I wouldnt find anything remotely sexually attractive about someone who acted like that, and Im wondering if you feel the same?

On the other side, could it be that he feels slightly 'de masculated' for want of a better word? If hes always worked, and paid his own way, he may be feeling ashamed about having to rely on you and your parents for everything.....