Seperating..what now?

missesnomore

I really dont want to go into too much specific detail on here, but I am married with 2 kids-pretty much grown now-21 & nearly 18. Problems at home for quite some time & things got to a head this week. I have told o/h I dont want us to be together-this took an awful lot for me to do, is something i have really thought about over a period of time. He would like us to work it out but i feel that issues are too deep for that-I am saying this so you dont suggest we go for councilling etc-been there done that years ago.
What I am struggling with now is the situation with the house-this is where it is complicated-my mum lives with us, and owns 50% of the house, we own the other and are responsible for the mortgage-its only around 33k. O/h is saying he wants to stay in house, and is happy for my mum to stay here-which is what she would like, shes not too well and really doesnt need lots of stress and upheaval, kids would also be able to stay..it is just me..in the heat of the moment he was telling me to pack and leave, then things calm down and hes happy for me to stay..
However, I think i am seeing things more realistically than he is and i think 1 of us needs to go sooner or later, and I am prepared to be the one to go-but....what am I entitled to, hes saying he will pay-but cant right now..is there a way to say that in for eg 3 years I will be paid off, maybe with a small interim payment earlier?
He is an only child so will-eventually inherit his parents house so would be looking at possibly signing that over to me when something happens with them-it sounds awful to be talking about whne people die, but this is the reality of things.
I am only working on a temp contract til august so my money situation is not too secure at them moment but if i get another contract i would be reasonably paid for as long as that goes on

if you have made it to the end of this, thanks so much!

Artytarty

Speaking from experience I can only say that you should never ever rely on being left something when somebody dies.It is a privilege not a right.
The money may be lost or they may change their mind, only child or not.
So you are thinking of leaving your Mum with your soon to be Ex.
It might work, but feelings may change.If you and he become less friendly it could become awkward for you to visit Mum.
Sorry I cant be of more help.

xmaslolly76

I'm so sorry to hear your problem big hugs. If its half your mothers house would it not be easier for him to leave and start a fresh or could you not afford to keep the house on? it must be really difficult situation and im sorry i cant be any more help some one will come along shortly i have no doubt who can be of more help. :-) x

missesnomore

the situation with the house is to do with his work-like i said i dont want to give too many details-v boring anyway!
I was wondering if anyone had experienced something similar where splitting the assets was deferred-like it is if you have younger children..i would expect it to be done legally, not just relying on him to do what he has agreed to in the beginning when the time comes
I'm 'happy' for him, the kids and my mum to stay in the house-reality would probably be that the 18 year old would split her time between the 2 places, and 21 year old would be as he is now..around, but usually in his bedroom, at his mates houses, or his gf's..he works but is an apprentice so not on a brilliant wage for now..is v important to us both that kids are settled and both finish college etc

floss2

missesnomore wrote: »

....He is an only child so will-eventually inherit his parents house so would be looking at possibly signing that over to me when something happens with them-it sounds awful to be talking about whne people die, but this is the reality of things.......

Don't bank on this. If either or both of his parents need to go into care or nursing homes, the house may have to be sold to cover fees.

I think you need to think about looking for a full-time job & being in a position to pay your own bills. There may well be no requirement to pay maintenance to you if your children are over 18 & at uni or working, so you need to have an income to put a roof over your head.

RAS

missesnomore wrote: »

He is an only child so will-eventually inherit his parents house so would be looking at possibly signing that over to me when something happens with them-it sounds awful to be talking about whne people die, but this is the reality of things.

Err NO!

As part of the divorce settlement you might give him three years or arrange staged payments to buy you out of you portion of the house but please do not get invloved with abnything to do with his parent's house at all.

He should not ever presume he will inherit it. That is their property and there is no way of knowing whether the value will be swallowed up in care home fees or left to the cat's home.

But frankly if you mother owns half it would make more sensse for you to see if you can buy him out in several year's time. Does mother have a will by the way?

Pee

You need to see a solicitor. You can agree whatever you like, within reason, and have this rubber stamped by the court. It is a consent order. Whatever you agree in that will be binding, so make sure that it is workable. Your mother does need to consider her Will, as of course do you and your soon to be ex.