Bank is throwing money at my son!

jimpix12

pogofish wrote: »

I would second this as very good advice - IME, you really don't learn the value of money till you are right up against it.

Interesting. I am one year older than the OP's son however I have to wonder why he has no concept of the value of money. I have never run up any unpaid debt and pay all bills on time (okay, part of my tax bill is a little overdue I'll be honest ...) yet I remember learning how important it was to scrutinise your spending / finances when I had my first real job at 16 working in a fast food place. My family were always exceptionally frugal (and still are) and so I learned a great deal from them as well about how to manage things. You need to relay what you know to your son.

Anyway, my bank throws money at me as well and they have been doing so since I was 18, but I've never been tempted to take on more credit because I know I will end up paying a heck of a lot back. Whether that's because I earn a good wage or not, I don't know, but my gut feeling is that his attitude stems from somewhere - whether from friends or family or whatever. You aren't helping him though. At 21, he should really be responsible for himself. I took responsibility for my finances when I was 18 and moved out a week after my 18th birthday and have never had to ask my parents for money since. It can be done if there is no bank of mum and dad writing blank cheques! (my parents had no money to bail me out with!).

I would suggest you sit down and talk to him and tell you are no longer bailing him out and that he needs to learn to cope with this and if he wants something, he needs to save for it and/or work harder for it, not just open a new credit account. Otherwise the spiral will continue.

naijapower

i think you should sit your son down and advise him. Adult or not, he could do with some practical help, tuition and counselling.

Apples2

I understand the vent... it's a bit like all these blimmin' shops havings Sale signs in the windows... They are MAKING me go and buy their goods.

EverDecreasingCircles

My DH and I are, and always have been, very careful with money. We did our best to bring him up the same. Unfortunately he has episodes of 'mania' (I believe he is BiPolar) and will happily spend hours trying to spend, or work out how to spend, money. He can be very difficult to reason with and believe me, we've tried the whole sitting him down and talking thing. It simply does not work for him. We can talk, we cannot make him listen.

I agree that he has to make his own mistakes and to a point we let him. But watching your beloved son making such huge ones is a very hard thing to do.

Thanks for your comments everyone.

EDC

epsilondraconis

I blame the parents.










(Only joking)

xmaslolly76

I was upto my eyeball sin debt after leaving home it is all to easy to fall into the trap of this wil help now worry about it later when they are offering large amounts of money. I cant blame my parents directly either although it may have been something to do with them. They were quite well off and not having to go into debt for anything i suppose i was never really aware of the bad side of debt was. If they wanted it they paid cash and could pretty much buy what ever they wanted although i wouldnt say they were wastefull and just spent money for the sake of it. It does seem that seeing them just go and buy stuff may have rubbed of on me some what and if i wanted it i went and got it wherever the money was coming from. Boy did i have shock when they refused to help me when i got into trouble. In the end their refusal helped me more than anything else ever could have.

EverDecreasingCircles

I sat him down and had another chat today. It didn't make any difference to him taking out the loan but he has cut up his store card so that's a small step in the right direction.

He's also agreed to make a budget with me and to try and put some money aside (in my hand) each month for car expenses. I knew I wouldn't stop him taking out the loan but at least I was able to haggle (blackmail) to get a couple of small concessions.

EDC x

jimpix12

That's very positive.

If you believe he is bi-polar, have you mentioned this to him or anyone else? Whimsical spending is a sign or symptom I believe. I would try to address this sooner rather than later - but of course it's none of my business anyway.

EverDecreasingCircles

Thanks We're working on sorting the whole hyper/bipolar thing out but it's taking forever:rolleyes:.

EDC x