can i help or not?

fsdss

a little girl in my sons class has lost her mother through cancer at the beginning of last year. prior to this, the mother had been very ill for a couple of years. On losing her mum, the little girl became withdrawn and did some not nice things (obviously the grief process), but this has dwindled down now, the little girl is currently aged 6. Every day i have made a point to speak to her, say hello etc, dad is very shy, but i have spoken to him also.
a few weeks ago, it was a nice warm and sunny day, and a neighbour and i were sitting on the bench near school when the dad came and sat with us. i asked him how he was, and how he was coping, to which he poured his heart out and stated he was finding it very hard, he could only do part time (as he has no support network etc), but luckily his employers have let him do the hours he can, and are very supportive. money was tight, but he said he can manage.
anyway i was thinking.........i am getting a new transfer in my job, it means school hours for me (more money), and it will be much closer to home......so i wondered If i approached dad suggest that i would have daughter for an hour or so after school so that he could put that extra hour in at work and let things become a little easier for him....do you think it would offend?
i know i would probably have to register as a childminder, which hopefully should be quick based on my experience, job and qualifications, but do i have to do that without money exchanging hands (i.e. i dont want dad paying me)? i am current crb checked this month (i know you need one for each post) if this helps.

mrcow

I can't see that it would offend at all. Just suggesting it to him can't hurt. You could always just say that you were offering it as a suggestion for him to have a think about.

It's nice that you care enough to consider it.

Stephb1986_2

If she was playing with your son as friends I don't think you would have to be a registered childminder as its a casual thing.

I think he would be very greatful if you offered to help him out like this. He is obviously having a bad time at the moment.

Steph xxx

headhoncho

I am assuming you are female. It would be very kind of you to make this offer and as you have a child of your own in the same class it should not appear strange that you make it - especially as dad has poured out his heart to you. I do not think he would be offended if you casually said "if you ever need to work an hour or so extra, I would be prepared to have two kids for an hour after school instead of one". You need to make sure he does not think you have any ulterior motives - particularly with regard to him! If he takes you up on your offer I would not worry too much about registering as a childminder if you are doing it free as a friend. You do need to consider that you are taking on quite a commitment as it would not be fair to suddenly stop and leave the guy in trouble at work. You also need to realise you may well become a 'crutch' to both him and his daughter so be prepared to listen a lot. If you are in a relationship you do need to talk this through with your partner before making the offer. You obviously have a kind heart - don't take this on if you will get so emotionally involved that you won't be able to prevent 1 hour becoming 3 or 4. The world needs more people like you. Ken (Headteacher - Retired)

fsdss

headhoncho......i can see where your coming from and never thought of it like that, hence why i posted and posed the question.

there is absolutley no ulterior motive, he knows my hubby and chats to him in the playground about boy things (bikes etc), my hubby is home mostly just after school, and thought this would be a good thing to do.
i usually have 4-5 children round anyway during the week (neighbours in the same class), and tea time is a busy time for us, so he wouldn't have time to chat anyway!!! I am used to children round, one extra wont make the slightest bit of difference to me.
my neighbour would have her too, but she is already caring for another 2 children who'se mother is poorly having chemo for breast cancer.

if i honestly question my motive in doing this - it would be to help someone who needs it and perhaps (hopefully) see the little girl smile again!, i'm a play therapist and child behaviour expert if that helps.

Newly_retired

You sound to be making a very kind offer. I think it could be really helpful to both the girl and her dad. It might be useful to make it a precise, fixed arrangement so that he knows that he can work the extra hours.

msb5262

Hi OP,
What a great idea - I think you should do it. You'll feel guilty if you don't offer to help as you are obviously the kind of person who can't stand aside when something needs to be done. I agree totally with headhoncho's post; the world does need more people like you. Hope you can make your suggestion of looking after the little girl and if dad accepts, that it all goes smoothly.
Best wishes
MsB

never_enough

It sounds like a great idea. You sound quite laid back, but it might be easier, to work out a more formal arrangement. It will depend on what you both feel is best & are happy with. Even if things are tough he may still be proud. Well done you though, posts like this really cheer me up.
[edit-the helping out people in need bit, obviously not the sad bit ]

snowmaid

What an amazing person you are. If only there were more selfless people such as you.

Please bear in mind that the father might be embarrassed to take you up on the offer. For instance, on our allotment someone had excess rasberries, they casually said to me I must help myself to some if I feel like it. I was too embarrassed to just go and do so! Had they come up to me while they were there and said right, come help yourself, then I would have.

Perhaps stress to this person that your offer is sincere, he need not feel embarrassed to take you up on the offer. Speak candidly about it. Let him realise the benefit for himself, as well as the opportunity for his daughter to have a playmate and change of scenery.

You will be Blessed for this.

SandC

What a lovely gesture and I'm sure he wouldn't be offended. If I were you though, I wouldn't mention the more hours at work aspect, just say that she would be welcome at your house after school if it helps and perhaps also emphasise that it will be good for her to spend time with other children.

I don't think you need register as a childminder unless it's something that bothers him, you are just helping out an acquaintance and entertaining a friend of your son's.

ailuro2

Start off with one day a week and build on it - maybe initially arrange it as a play-date rather than "I can look after her for an hour for you to let you work "- just suggest it so he can catch up on a bit of housework, shopping or whatever, (or he can work the extra hour if he wants to.) See how it goes, his little girl might not be completely come to terms yet, and if she hits a bad spell it might mean he has to stop the extra hours again, so take it slowly, just my tuppence worth - you are a lovely person to be offering to do this. Well Done.:T