Spendthrift daughter. Will it affect my Credit rating?

JohnC_4

Hi
Our 19-year old daughter is working but still living at home, and has no idea how to manage money, despite our best efforts. In particular, her mobile phone bills are out of control, and she has several store/credit cards that she can't meet the monthly payments for. Over the past few months we have been helping her out with these, but I'm beginning to think that she needs to face up to her own problems now, and if she can't make the payments, she should face the consequences. Basically, no matter what my wife and I say about the folly of her behaviour, she refuses to listen, and I don't see that we should be forking out hundreds of pounds a month to subsidise her extravagant lifestyle.Question is, if she gets a bad credit rating as a result of this, will it affect my own, with her living at the same address?
cheers
John

mr218

i think you can get better advice on the credit rating aspects of this in the debtfree board.

but on a relational front, what incentive does your daughter have to sort her act out. i understand that you are reluctant to throw her out and wash your hands off her debt. but you need to have some level of control. how long have you been helping her pay for her lifestyle. make a general list and get a number. add in rent and board and figure out how much she owes you.

stop helping her pay any of her other bills. encourage her to get a couple of jobs and tell her that you will be expecting her to repay you for all the expenses you have incurred funding her lifestyle and for rent.

Give her moral support and ask her what she wants to do and how she can go about achieving it. dont be angry but be just matter of fact and avoid nagging . if you feel that you cannot control your emotions and anger when talking to her, then write a letter and ask her to respond to it.

do you have other children as well and if so how do they behave? what about her friends? do they do the same.
tell her that having an income means that she can lead a more independent lifestyle and that she does not have to live with your rules.
You need to let her know that she can come to you for help and support but you are no longer willing to be a soft touch.

JohnC_4

Thanks for the input,
She's a very bright girl, but has chosen to do a very low paid job, at which she works about 55 hours a week. So no chance of her doing any more jobs. She has 3 siblings, all of whom are hard-working, responsible and successful and are continually astonished by her behaviour. We are all at a loss to know what do do, really....

mr218

you say she is bright, yet her behaviour is hardly bright. do you think she is suffering from a loss of confidence which makes her unwilling to venture out of her comfort zone. she is burying her head in the sand and trying not deal with the situation and continuing to live as she is doing with your help.

maybe she lacks the confidence to move on.

Feej_2

Hi JohnC
You dont say specifically, but it sounds like this is your youngest child??

If so, ask yourself if you would have underwritten the same expenditure for the others - unlikely, or you would be the one with the debt! You describe her siblings as hardworking, responsible and successful, which means she probably sees things the same way.

Youngest children have the burden of matching up to siblings and may opt out rather than compete; it sounds as if she may be doing this. I agree with Mr218 - itemise what she owes, including rent and work out a realistic figure. Working 55hrs a week is no excuse for not getting another job - it's a choice, as you have said, and one she might have to forgo to repay her debt.

While it will be painful in the short term, it's to her benefit to get things sorted or she will carry these habits into her adult life, and your don't want to be in the same situation in another 10 years time. Remember, you are allowing and even encouraging her to act like this as she currently has no consequences to face as a result. Most people will alter their lifestyle if it's a choice between chatting on the mobile or being able to afford food.

As far as credit rating is concerned, your personal rating will not be affected by her non payment, but if she got as far as having a CCJ against her this would apply to the address and would definitely impact on you and your wife. Not sure about in between these extremes. Try the CAB for further info, or post on the debtfree wannabe board for more help.

All my sympathy - hang on in there but be tough!

Feej

margaretclare

Hi

I suggest that you get this book for your daughter.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0752261711/qid%3D1142086121/026-6384500-6514845

I bought a copy for both my granddaughters, having read it myself (and both daughters also read it).

Best wishes

Aunty Margaret