Getting annoyed with my 20 year old son!

Sydney_2

My twin sons are both at University, so I totally understand what you are going through. My son phoned the other night to say he had one carrot and two weetabix left to last him the week. I gave him several suggestions for recipies!

Unfortunately having double trouble, it was impossible to keep handing over money to support both of them. They went down the bank overdraft route. So long as it is paid off within a couple of years after graduating they incur no interest charges. This is manageable as they work flat out when they come home to catch up financially.
Always makes me laugh, when they refer to it as 'free money' there's no such thing in this world!

amosworks

Sydney wrote:

Always makes me laugh, when they refer to it as 'free money' there's no such thing in this world!

Although I totally dislike usury, there is free money provided the compound interest is working in your favour

wigginsmum

Where there's a will there's a way. My parents couldn't afford to support me at Uni so I went to two employment agencies and did babysitting and cleaning during termtime, and office work during the holidays all the time I was a student; it enabled me to pay my rent, buy books, put food on the table and finish Uni only a few hunded pounds in debt which I then paid off with a summer job in the first few weeks after I graduated. The only time I didn't work was from Easter in my final year.

skintchick

I think you have to tell him you simply don't have any money to give him, and advise him to go to teh hardship fund - why should you starve so he can drink beer?

He has to learn now - he won't starve anyway cos his mates will feed him or the hardship fund will help him out, but it is a lesson he needs to learn.

gilly41

Hi
Awww thanks everyone for your replies- they are a great help!
Well I have told him i dont have the money as I have just paid my credit card bill and water rates! He said that his girlfriend has said she will lend him it!! and that he will pay her back out of his first wage!I also told him to apply for a hardship loan- and he said that his mates have offered too to help him out with food.
He doesnt have an overdraft and I feel that maybe if he continues this lifestyle he will have to have one(his fault totally). He does work every holiday and has that cash to take back with him but it just never seems to be enough!!
I am pleased I didnt give in(I could have found £20 but like Skintchick says why should i pay for his beer money!!!). He also says he has rung Manpower and they have work for him over the Easter hols when he returns home(he actually stops at his dads in the hols! though tries to get his meals here every day!!!)
In the summer he has a job lined up through uni over in America coaching Football- I just hope he tries to save some of that cash!!
He is actually in self catering accomodation- his first year his meals were included but not this year(and that is the problem cos he has NEVER had to budget for food!!)
Thanks again everyone
xx

skintchick

WEll done Gilly, you have done the best thing you could for him. He sounds like he will soon 'get it' anyway, so you just keep on your budget and let him sort out his.

We'd all like to go out drinking regularly, but we have learned we can't, and so will he.

Well done. x

nic82

Hi Gilly

I'm glad you stuck to your guns.

When I was at uni, there was no way I had £55 to spend a week. I received less than £3000 a year in loans and my rent was more than that (in a house, so no food, elec, gas, water, etc etc bills included) over the year. My parents paid my tuition fees for me (£1125) but everything else I paid for, mainly via student overdraft and working. I didn't receive any other help from anyone. I also managed to run a car (although only used it to travel home at weekends and holidays. I made myself walk to uni each day).

I think he's very lucky to have £55 a week to spend on a social life and food and there's no way that you should be giving him any more than this. It's just not fair on you. I easily lived on £15 a week for food, with perhaps another £3-£4 a week on the house kitty - which covered stuff such as loo rolls, cleaning stuff, tea bags, milk, butter, etc.

Perhaps by working in a bar he'll get a few freebies and hopefully his spending will go down as he'll be working at night so can't go out. Hopefully a bar job will suit him - it's obviously and atmosphere that he likes so he can enjoy it without having to spend anything.

piptiddlepip

Up until my parents retired I was so bad with money I was always calling them to bail me out. When they retired my Dad sat me down and said they couldn't bail me out again no matter what kind of trouble I got myself into. It was such a shock I made sure I never got into a position again where I didn't have money for food or electricity. Gently but firmly telling your son you cannot afford to bail him out as you have your own things to pay would seem to be the best thing. The hardship fund sounds good, too - he will be mortified but it might give him a kick up the behind.

Verbatim

Hi Gilly,
When i was a student we tended to overspend at the beginning of term when the cash went into the bank account but made up for it by living on veg and brown rice for the last month of term. It was a matter of pride not to ask parents for extra, even tho' they could afford afford it! However that was in the days of grants and my parents could and did give me help in food parcels to take back and fares to visit them.

However I remember your earlier post when you saved carefully to be able to visit him without going into debt and I wonder if he realizes the efforts you have and are still making?

I think you've done really well not responding yet and giving it some thought rather than bawling him out, which I would have done!

Don't jeopardize yor own hard won security. It won't help him in the long run as he'll be back next time with a similar story. He won't starve, he's got the bar work and friends. Tightening his belt for a few weeks until his cheque hits in April might allow him to realize he needs to budget that money so he's not in the same position next time.



Perhaps as earlier poster suggested give him some food, suggest hardship fund and extra nights bar work.

Verbatim

Hi,
Sorry Gilly I responded before I got to the end of the thread! Well done.