I know someone's in debt, and out of control - what can I do?

andy_6489

Dear Board,


I have lurked here for a long time but never posted before.

My brother is in debt, getting further into debt (£10k) with his credit card and has no way of imminently repaying it.


Aside from convincing him it is an issue (believe me, I'm trying) - is there any way that I can inform the credit card issuer that he has no way of repaying it and ask them to reduce the credit limit to match his debt or similar?

I am desperately worried.


Many thanks,

Andy

Horace

Hi and welcome

I don't think that you can notify the card issuer because it is a breach of data protection, I am sure that they will find out soon enough that your brother is unable to pay. Unfortunately, you cannot force him to have his lightbulb moment - he has to do that himself otherwise he will never learn.

See if he will let you close enough to his accounts so that you can complete a statement of affairs (https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html - follow the instructions on there so that you can copy and paste it to MSE). I am sure the folks on here will be able to give more advice when they can see his income and outgoings.

HTH

andy_6489

Horace wrote: »

Hi and welcome

I don't think that you can notify the card issuer because it is a breach of data protection, I am sure that they will find out soon enough that your brother is unable to pay. Unfortunately, you cannot force him to have his lightbulb moment - he has to do that himself otherwise he will never learn.

See if he will let you close enough to his accounts so that you can complete a statement of affairs (link removed because I'm new and can't post them) - follow the instructions on there so that you can copy and paste it to MSE). I am sure the folks on here will be able to give more advice when they can see his income and outgoings.

HTH

Horace,


Many thanks for your reply - this does seem to confirm what I feared about Data Protection.


Unfortunately he is not willing to accept he has a problem - I have pointed him in the direction of this site, described the SoA beforehand - he just isn't interested. He is pushing the whole family away - we just want to help.


Best wishes,

Andy

Buffythedebtslayer

the more you try to help the more he push away. Yes it is a problem but it is one only he can solve. He probably knows he needs help but he can't accept that just yet or even know how to accept it?

I know if my family knew about my debt they would have a fit and it would make me furious as I am handling it thanks.

I would leave him to it, he will find a way but he needs to come to it himself.

jill8beans2

Wow, what a difficult situation to be in. I would say the only thing you can do is give him positive support that he can live a much healthier life if he stops utsing the credit and take control.

Best of luck to bot h of you.

JoolzS

I think that some people here have misunderstood the Data Protection Act.

There is absolutely nothing to stop you contacting his creditors and informing them of his financial difficulties (other than the fact he'll probably hate you for years). The Data Protection Act precludes them from telling you anything about his financial affairs - it doesn't preclude you from telling them.

Chances are that phone staff will have never been taught the details of the DPA, but you could simply write a letter (if you know your brother's credit card details) to the credit card company asking them to cut off his credit. They may ignore it or they may cut off his credit.

I will say - if you do anything I have mentioned above - your brother WILL hate you.

Julie

tealady

Hi Its a difficult situation. Perhaps your brother doesn't want help, I know I would hate to be told what to do (even if its the right thing!).
All you can do is allow him time and space to work it out for himself. Or, as men are often competitive, set him a challenge as to who can make the most money in a set time. That could encourage him to claim bank charges and to stop spending and start selling.

mogchops

You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink......

Do you know what he is spending it on? Is it something specific - gambling, alcohol, gadgets, etc, or just everyday living?

Until he is ready to face up to it himself, there is very little that you can do, apart from what you are already doing - which is be supportive, and be there for him. And when he does have his light bulb moment, just be there to help and support him, and send him here!

Good luck, he is lucky to have a brother like you!

andy_6489

Dear all,


Many thanks for all your replies.

I will take this weekend to try and approach him again and will carefully think through the option of calling the card issuer and its potential implications.


Regards,

Andy

Merlinexcalibur

It's difficult with family, sometimes. Take my own brother, for example, I've been doing everything - gone to CCCS, done an awful lot of letter writing this last year or so with help online from various sources, done what I was supposed to TBH, not hidden from my debts but taken it all head on, done something because I don't know any other way to be; okay, I could have run off, not bothered to do any of that but that wouldn't have done the situation any good - you can possibly do, anyone can do in these situations with all creditors. I find I have the converse attitude from them, that they do not nor will listen to what you tell them that you HAVE been doing things but they choose not to listen. Now, the thing here, is the other side of things, the emotional support when someone is in debt and in a very bad situation all round anyway. I don't get any of that from my family, all I do get is criticism after criticism, put downs because they refuse to see that things are being done and no one can wave a magic wand and everything is okay by this time tomorrow. It is a slow process being in debt but my family just ignores/has a blinkered view to all of that and it falls on deaf ears. I mean, what do they want, to see what I am doing every second of every day. It's very much because they can't do that, they don't want to believe/see I am doing things to combat the debts I have. I find it a very bizarre situation to be in especially when I do everything humanly possible on my own/with help from MSE/other places and still they refuse to accept things. They have selective hearing so a friend has told me so you cannot speak to them in a normal conversation, just never happens. Just you just give up justifying yourself all the time. And that is what they want: justification. For getting into debt. Like they don't have debts of course and have never done what everyone else does in life in that direction. Conveniently, they forget all this because it is easier for them to do so. So, I face everything in life like I always do, they are the ones who choose to be awkward. So it's half a dozen of the other etc is what I am saying. What they don't realize is the more they 'have a go' as that is what friends have said and people who have seen them together with me, how they speak to me, treat me (I don't have my own voice in those situations for example they do all the speaking for me and I never get the chance to speak, say what I want; that is how it has always been) is it only pushes you/someone away.

Hope that made sense. So, my situation is the opposite of yours I am saying. I wish you well.

Nargleblast

Andy - your brother is a grown adult so you have to leave him to get on with things and be there for him when it all comes crashing down around him. You could log on to this site and show him some of the posts from people with credit card debts to give him an idea of what can happen. However, he is obviously still in ostrich mode with his head firmly in the sand so it's a case of watch and wait. As long as you make it clear to him that you are concerned and maybe give him some useful phone numbers and website addresses (this site for example, and CCCS site address and phone number) to keep in case of need. Then sit back and wait for the brown stuff to hit the fan as it surely will one day. And of course, never never NEVER help him out by giving him money, because that will only make the situation worse. He is lucky to have someone in the family who cares, as I am sure Merlin will agree. Good luck.