what does being in relationship mean..

Deals_2

i feel I dont know if i am in one. we are not really intimate. We never go out and i never go out. i deal with all of my stuff on my own though i have a child. he lives here - we are in separate rooms just because we hardly see one another. but we may as well not be toghether.bene living like this for a long time. for ages trying to run a business with other half or help but realise was a waste of time. now doing my own thing. thanks for any input.

windswept

You sound more like lodgers who share a house rather than a couple who love each other with shared interests - it all boils down to what you actually both want, do you want to spend the rest of your life with this other person or not?
It doesn't sound like you have much of a life at all at the moment so you need to talk things through and see if your relationship is worth the hard job of saving - Keeping the love alive can be hard going sometimes, it's very easy to just not bother, the more you don't bother, the less likely you are to be happy.
I'm ashamed to say it happened with me - years of me "not bothering" ( about myself mainly) nearly ended my 24 year marriage a few months back, it took the shock of my hubby saying he thought I no longer wanted or loved him to make me realise what I had turned into. Deep down I knew I loved him so I ( and he) tried very hard to work things out and I'm happy to say we are stronger than ever - I will try never to take him for granted again.
But if you don't have any love for each other then nothing will work - that's what you need to find out.

Silverbird

You're not really intimate, you are in seperate rooms, you don't go out and you don't really see each other very often?

This is certainly not a relationship in my opinion. The definition of a relationship is 'a state of connectedness between people - especially an emotional connection'. This clearly isn't the case here.

I'm not sure what advice to offer, as I don't know if you truly love this person or not and I'm unaware of other things, but I hope this helps.

Bitsy_Beans

I agree with Windswept - you do sound like lodgers.
Do you WANT to spend time together? Make the effort or are you just not interested? What does he say about the situation or is he happy the way things are?

Pee

I don't think on that basis you would be considered the same household for benefits purposes... I think you need to decide what you want, and if it isn't him, move on. I think you deserve better.

Sirbendy

Me and the missus sometimes spend evenings in seperate rooms, pretty much. Depends on work - if I have a lot on (or she does, or both) we both like to concentrate, and it can run all evening bar, say, food and 30 minutes TV.

Other times, we are both moving all over - there's usually plenty of banter etc going on regardless. Try talking it through, and see what's going on. Last time missus had a big project on, we went nearly 2 weeks with me bringing tea/food/drink in and then !!!!!!ing off out the way. Sometimes it happens..heh.

pinkshoes

Being in a relationship is about being a team, working through life together, supporting each other physically and emotionally, making each other happy, communicating, arguing, and agreeing to disagree when you can't see eye to eye, but still with a smile on your faces.

What you have described would not constitute a relationship. More a housemate situation.

Do you benefit from him being there, or is it more of a hassle than a pleasure?

Does it feel like having another child/dependent in the house rather than an equal?