Taking my finger off the self-destruct button

Seaxwyn

Happy New Year, Wordsmith! I miss your funny stories and wise thoughts - hope that you are well and that 2012 brings you joy and good fortune.

chevalier

Saw you on Seax's thread and popped in to wish you a healthy and wealthy 2012. Hope to hear from you soon
chev

miggy

:hello:

Helllooooo! *Waves cheerily*

*cough splutter* Sorry, not coming near anyone but...

*cough cough (searches for hanky)*

''What I mean to say is Happy New Year!'

:hello::hello::hello:

lionheartedgirl

Hi Wordsmith, not sure if you are still lurking/reading but I hope all is well. I think of you and the menagerie often. I think you would rather love the adventures here of 2 big black dippy greyhounds and their rather small owner. Ronnie is a soppy boy and does what he is told. Wendy is an independent girl who believes that being sleek and beautiful is enough to get her own way, if you call her name she twitches her tail slightly to acknowledge you and then !!!!!!s off in the opposite direction. They are great and I am so glad to have them.

Love to all x

Wordsmith

Thank you everyone for your messages. I’m sorry I’ve been AWOL for so long. It was a complicated time. Well, no, actually it wasn’t. What happened? First I was really busy, then I was away, then I was really busy, then I had an animal bereavement, then I was really busy, then I got myself into a knot, then I was really busy, then I had to move home, then I was really busy, then I lost the plot, then I was really busy, then I had a bit of retail therapy, then I wasn’t busy but felt I should be, and now I am trying to get on the straight and narrow.

Shall I explain? Oh, go on, let me.

First, I really was incredibly busy and didn’t have time to more than skim my favourite diaries, certainly not time to write on my own. The busyness came from having to get clients’ accounts into shape for the Revenue deadline, at the same time as having a massive editing job come my way. This was a job that was to take me over the winter and give me a big cheque at the end of it, and I knew it was going to be tough going but I was looking forward to it. I also had to go over to the UK for a wedding in October and was working late into the nights, or rather early into the mornings, to make time for it. I didn’t want to go – the wedding wasn’t important (well, it was to the couple, of course, but I was pretty much on the periphery of one of the families and wouldn’t have been missed), but I had promised favoured friend I would go and didn’t have the courage to back out. I was worn out by the time I flew over and worried about work. The wedding was lovely, and the few days I spent in Gloucester with favoured friend were great, as were the few days I spent in Devon with my sister, although I did take work with me, so I didn’t feel as rested as I should have. It was, however, a relief to get home so that I could try to catch up with work again. I had sat at my computer for literally only ten minutes when I got an email telling me the book that had caused me so much grief and was to be my financial saviour over the winter was being pulled – nothing to do with me, it was just a business decision based on other factors. I stared at the screen, unable to move. I felt the will to live drain out of me, puddle at my feet and slip through the floorboards before I could suck it back up. I’d already spent hours on it and, not ruined, but certainly not enjoyed as much, my holiday because of it. The money was going to be a problem, but in that moment I was thinking how if only the email had arrived a week earlier, I could have had a much more enjoyable time in the UK. I did get paid some, of course, but the cheque was a slimmed down version of what I would have made.

Then mama cat died. It wasn’t my fault, but I felt as if I had let her down. The vet was rather surprised at her death, and didn’t charge me for any of her treatment, which I thought was decent.

I picked up other work, and have been very busy again. One other big job that would have had a humongous cheque at the end of it also got pulled after I had got stuck in. For this one, I had done only a small amount of work before waving it goodbye. It’s become a bit of a theme over the winter, because another job worth about the same just never materialised. They were for different clients, so I don’t think it was my fault – they just weren’t to be. Anyway, I’ve had a number of much smaller jobs. One was editing a book for a woman who was extremely hard work – she said that an editor’s job was to check for capital letters only. I beg to differ! Besides, we even argued about what should have capital letters. I know it’s just work and I got paid OK at the end of it, but I do take a pride in what I do and I was stymied at every turn with this one, so I stamped my foot and wouldn’t allow my name to go in the credits. That showed them!

Then I started skimming diaries again, but I couldn’t find my way amongst them. If people were doing better than me, I felt a failure for not doing better. If people were having a rougher time of it than I was, I felt guilty for feeling jaded at my lot. If people were being interesting, I felt that I must be the most boring person out. I think I was tired and a bit lonely and not making much headway and being too bogged down to realise that the place I was in at the time was my place and I should be living and dealing with that place and not worrying about not being in the places other people were in … if that makes sense. It doesn’t even to me. But anyway, I got over that and am now back in my place, which isn’t necessarily the place anyone else would want to find themselves, but I feel I slot into it quite well and can work towards being in another, better place.

Hmmm, now I realise why I don’t go in for all this analysis malarkey.

I'm still not quite up to contributing to other people's diaries at the moment. But I have started a bit of lurking again.

Then I had a big blow and had to leave my gorgeous rented cottage. The one where was next door to a farmyard and could open the door and look out over the lake, and where I was looked after by my lovely landlady. I blame the Irish government. After having nearly bankrupt the country they have been piling charges onto householders, and to cut a very long and ranty story short, it has become unviable for people like my landlady to keep up with the expense of having a second house. Now, this isn’t an investment made in the good times, a greed to own lots of property, this is the old family home – a tiny cottage needing a fair amount of work on it, that is not suitable for the younger generation, nor particularly suitable for selling. But, you lousy incompetent government, it was perfect for me to rent. Don’t get me started. Anyway, I had lots of notice and hugs and apologies from my landlady, but I had to find somewhere else to live. And fortunately I did, but I was immensely sad to leave the cottage.

My social life has picked up! Whereas before I had no social life, I now have one. My new social life is a once-a-month book club meeting. When I go for something, I really go for it. I never thought I would want to join a book club. Books are my passion and my living, but I’ve never felt the urge to sit around talking about them. But I really enjoy it, and have been forced out of my reading comfort zone. I have even, get this, refused to work on the book club evening so that I don’t miss it. The world as we know it has come to an end. Me, turning down work! I did hope that it would kick-start a wild and hectic clubbing and raving life for me, but I’ve had to be content with just a book club for now. But it’s a start, isn’t it? And to be honest, clubbing has never really been my scene. It’s my turn to choose the book next month. The sense of responsibility is enormous. I think I will choose The Grass Arena by John Healy. That or The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey. Not too dissimilar, then.

And now on to the retail therapy. I think I was hoping I would have bored you so much by now that you won’t have got this far. I have spent a little bit more on books recently than I have for ages. Not too bad, though. I’ve never really been a devotee of retail therapy. When I’ve read about others’ falling off the wagon, I’ve looked on with a smug “at least I don’t do that” feeling. No, not for me the barely there underwear, the sparkly top or come-hither shoes. Oh, no, I just bought the one item. Problem is, it’s a house.

lucielle

Wow! Retail therapy big style! Hope its one you can live in.
L

Lula-Hula

So sorry to hear about Mama Cat

How very blithering inconsiderate of govt re you having to move home too, but congratulations on your recent spending spree :j ( some people always have to go one better ) & details please.

Thank goodness you're back & your shiny new social life takes the pressure off me having to find one :rotfl:

*awaits next instalment with glee*

Seriously, so glad you're ok :j I've missed you

xx

Horace

I am glad that you have returned...I was getting worried about you. You sound as though you have had a right old time of it with house moves (grrr to governments and annoying clients). Sorry to hear about Mama Cat..here's hoping that the rest of the tribe are ok?

I have missed your tales of life in the sticks - I would fall off my chair laughing (thank goodness I have no witnesses:D).

So pleased you have a social life now too - I need to discover one but that will have to wait until I am less skint. I had a bit of spendy time in the book department buying various Australian cookery books, a kitchen garden book by Alan Titchmarsh and Thrifty Forager by Alys Fowler (must admit that I am considering getting rid of this book because it hasn't taught me anything new:(

Oh yes, I will need the kitchen garden book because I may soon have a garden - not one but two gardens - a front one and a back one:cool:

Glad to have you back..missed you loads xx

RosaBernicia

Wordsmith, lovely Wordsmith! :j:j:beer::T

So good to have you back. You have just cheered me up from a very grumpy afternoon.

So sorry to hear about Mama Cat (hug) but looking forward to hearing more about that item you bought

Rosa xx

beanielou

Sorry about Mamma cat.
That's some retail therepy though!