NEED ADVICE: Family, Money & Legal. Please Read

NobodyImportant

Hello,

Thankyou for reading this.
I have been married three months now and been with my partner nearly six years. We have a 2.5 year old son and my wife wants to leave. I bought a flat over a year ago and after my wie going back to work 16hours per week and my son going to nursery those two days, money was ok. Bought a new car and things were fine. I got good overtime at work and earned a good wage for my age and our location.

However, now i am in a sticky situation.
My new wife wants to leave (nothing i can do about this).
I dont get ovetime now (so earning 7k a year less). Now 23k top of line.
I cant afford everything off my now reduced wage.
I have been told i can see my son regular but i cant afford maintenance.

I want my marriage to work but its not going to happen, so my thoughts are:
1- Rent flat: But i owe £600 to Hydro elec. (do i need to pay this off before tenant takes on elec / gas?). I have no idea where i can live so i am actually able to save money and what happens if my tenant leaves? i cant afford a mortgage plus rent on a new place?

2- I want to see my son as often as possible. (Was thinking joint custody). Any dads experience of this? I love my wife and it will rip her to shreds i know it. BUT...i probably will see him more that way and surely i will not have maintenance to pay? (other thoughts are how likely would i be successful with joint custody when i work full time? he goes to nursery tues and wed so i could have him then and a weekend?)

3- My car is on finance. one of these balloon things: so i am owe a fortune on it to end finance early. I probably need to sell it to get by etc. Probably owe near 10k on finance but car is only worth 8k max. Any advice other than taking out a loan, pay off finance, sell car, pay back loan asap?

4- i have 4k of debt in credit cards after this wedding malarky. both cards in my name (got them prior to marriage). My wife is a named card holder on one of them. She spent most of the money. Am i soley liable for this debt now she is my wife?

5- She says she doesnt want me to have to sell the flat etc trough the divorce but what exactly is she entitled to having given up on a marriage?(just to put you in the picture she says she hasnt been happy with me for 2.5 years and three weeks ago kissed another man as at that monent she was feeling lonely. only married three months and i want it to work and would do anything, unfortunately not enough though)

There is probably loads more i want to ask but will once got some replies.

Please i need help. Going to visit citizens advice but would like some other advice too,

Thankyou

Loopy_Girl

Joint custody wouldn't neccesarily stop a request for maintenance - your soon-to-be ex could ask you for it but equally you could ask her for it for the half time you have him. DO NOT apply for joint custody just to avoid child support - I implore you of this.

Just how are you going to manage for joint custody if you work full time? You say a Tues/Wed and weekends - what happens if this doesn't suit your ex? What will you do then? Does she work? If so, how many hours?

For you to say that you CAN'T afford maintenance isn't a very sensible sentence. The way the CSA see things (and many others I would imagine) is that maintenance is a priority 'bill'. It's right up there just under rent/mortgage and before utilities, food, etc etc.
They are not interested in any debts you have.

If your ex chose to go to the CSA then you would be expected to pay 15% of your net salary every month.
Am assuming that you are expecting her to raise your son on her wage alone?

Loopy_Girl

Just to say as well that there are other sections on this site which could help enourmously with your other questions...I would ask the car finance question on the 'loans' board and the credit card questions on the 'credit card' board.

To get to the list of forums available, at the top left in blue (just under the pic of Martin Lewis) there it says Home > Forums

Click on forums and you will get them all....credit cards and loans are quite near the top.

There is also forums about house selling etc etc for all those kind of questions.

If you rent your flat out then yes, you would need to pay the leccy bill. You would also need to inform your mortgage co that you are letting it out, you would also need to ge the correct gas/elec regulations, get the fire brigade round and also declare the income to the HMRC.

You certainly have lots to think about. Surely a 3 month marriage is worth fighting for? Have you suggested counselling like Relate or something...worth a bash before making a life changing decision like this.

tsstss7

My advice - try really hard to get your OH into relationship councelling if there is anything to be saved then NOW is the time to get out the big guns (no pun intended).

To help work out finances go to the CSA website to see how much CSA you would be expected to pay - joint care doesn't nec. mean no maintenance.

Your wife might find the entitled to website useful in working out her finances.

Please don't go for joint custardy for the sake of it 2 1/2 is very young to be split in two...If you and your wife can remain on good terms you should be able to work out a good arrangement that best suits your LO and flexibility is key in the first instance as you will not know exactly how things will go initially.

kelloggs36

Depending on how many overnight stays your child spends with you, you will get a 1/7 reduction in your maintenance payments. For half and half, you will pay half the normal maintenance less a futerh £7 per week.

pd001

NobodyImportant wrote: »

2- I want to see my son as often as possible. (Was thinking joint custody). Any dads experience of this? I love my wife and it will rip her to shreds i know it. BUT...i probably will see him more that way and surely i will not have maintenance to pay? (other thoughts are how likely would i be successful with joint custody when i work full time? he goes to nursery tues and wed so i could have him then and a weekend?)

If you feel that joint custody is the way forward for you, and suits you, then why not? If as you say you may see more of your son this way, then the that's fair enough.

Loopy_Girl

pd001 wrote: »

If you feel that joint custody is the way forward for you, and suits you, then why not? If as you say you may see more of your son this way, then the that's fair enough.

Agreed. But I think the fact the OP said he 'couldn't afford maintenance' and then put at the end of the joint custody proposal 'surely I wouldn't have to pay maintenance' perhaps weakened the statement he gave.

He is also assuming that he can have the child when he is in nursery and at weekends with no thought to what his ex may want. He may have to cut his working hours to accomodate his joint custody.

tsstss7

pd001 wrote: »

If you feel that joint custody is the way forward for you, and suits you, then why not? If as you say you may see more of your son this way, then the that's fair enough.

:rolleyes:. umm dont you mean suits your child?

Loopy_Girl

I didn't actually notice that....

Valli

Gosh you have asked a lot of questions but re the flat...it doesn't matter who has 'given up' on the marriage or what you each brought to the marriage in terms of finance. If you go for a divorce the financial split will start with a rough presumption (I have put the word rough in there because this is a starting point) of a 50/50 split. Both of assets and debts. You are jointly and severally liable for debt.

Solicitors offer a free half hour interview. This is an opportunity to get questions answered and to find a solicitor with whom you can work. If a solicitor says they don't offer this ring someone else. You can go to more than one solicitor.

The court and solicitors recommend you go for counselling to discuss split and come to an agreement BUT it's not enforceable in court - but may be taken into consideration. That too has to be paid for.

Basically you will have to total up assets (flat - value less mortgage and any savings) and subtract the debt from that...
Then split it.

I'm assuming England and Wales BTW

dimbo61

You bought the flat last year with a 5/10% deposit ? so it could now be in negative equity or close to 100% LTV so no you cant rent it out.
Your lender may insist you to change on to a BTL ( buy-to-let) mortgage if you want to rent. 20/25% deposit needed.
Where are you going to live ?
You need a seperate bedroom for your son to stay when he visits.
You wife will be getting the child benefit so she is the PWC ( parent with care ) and you will be the NRP ( non resident parent )
You will pay 15% of your net take home pay to your EX for your son.
YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO SEE YOUR SON IN THIS COUNTRY.
You can spend thousands of pounds trying to get access and she can stop you at any time.
Keep things friendly and try to clear your debts & provide a home for your son when he visits.