Ex Husband problems :-(

Sarah1971

My ex husband left us over 4 years ago and since then he has been an absolute nightmare of a dad to our 2 sons.

He remarried a week after our divorce, then divorced her a year later, moved in with another woman and her kids, then left her, now he's living with someone else with children, plus lots of others in between.

He is constantly introducing the boys to "stepmums", and "step brothers/sisters" only to be told by Daddy that he's broke up with that girlfriend/wife/fiance and he has a new girlfriend now....leaving me to pick up the pieces and try to convince the boys that this is not the way to behave as a grown up and at least I offer stability for them as their mum (same boyfriend for 18 months, introduced after 6 months and he doesn't live with us)

Their dad is (I suspect) an alcoholic or on his way to being one - he's always been a heavy drinker and this seems to have increased over the years so much so that his father (the boys grandad) often has to drive the children home on a sunday afternoon as their Dad is drunk! He only has the children every other saturday for 1 night (his choice) This Sunday apparantly he left the boys unsupervised on a playing field opposite his latest girlfriends house as he went back home for a rest, I was fuming!! (I have taken that up with him - but he says he was watching from a window, I cannot prove this as I have no idea where the house is of this current girlfriend)

To make matters worse he was made redundant just after Christmas and his maintenance payments to me stopped. He started a new job last week and I was expecting the payments to start again at the end of April, I have been strugglinmg like hell to make ends meet more than ever the past 3 months.

Anyway he phoned me today to say he has been sacked due to lying on his CV, he got found out (he is usually quite a good liar but got caught out this time) so now this means no maintenance money again for me :-( in fact it could be some time before he gets someone to employ him this time!

Does anyone have any advice for me - maybe if you've been in a similar situation. I am so worried that the children will grow up to be like him if they keep witnessing his irresponsible behaviour with women, alcohol and being a role model. Also I know there probably isn't anyway of getting any money out of him other than getting the CSA onto him, but then they can't take money from him if he's on benefits!!

Thanks

RAS

If he is on benefits the CSA would take £5 per child.

marshmallows

Hi, sorry to read your story and im not too sure about what to say but i will give it a try

Your x doesnt sound like the best role model for the children but i think the only thing you can do is confront him to be honest

Do the kids mention all the time what their dad does?

If he doesnt work and claims state benefit then they can take £5 but only if he has them overnight less than 52 nights a year, its up to you if you want the hassle of the csa for £5 a week

Sarah1971

marshmallows wrote: »

Hi, sorry to read your story and im not too sure about what to say but i will give it a try

Your x doesnt sound like the best role model for the children but i think the only thing you can do is confront him to be honest

Do the kids mention all the time what their dad does?

If he doesnt work and claims state benefit then they can take £5 but only if he has them overnight less than 52 nights a year, its up to you if you want the hassle of the csa for £5 a week

The boys only really talk about their dad the day before they go and see him (so every other Friday) and the Sunday evening when they get home. My eldest does say things about his dad like "my dad doesn't care about us" occasionally and gets upset as he sees his dad living with other peoples children and even taking those children on holiday, whilst he's never taken his own children anywhere...

No I don't think I can be bothered with the CSA for a fiver

marshmallows

sarah if they dont really talk about him and they think he dont care i really wouldnt think they will turn into him when they get older

can you talk to your x or will he kick off? if he will then maybe write him a letter explain how upset the kids get, sometimes people just dont realise as they are too focused on themselves

Sarah1971

marshmallows wrote: »

sarah if they dont really talk about him and they think he dont care i really wouldnt think they will turn into him when they get older

can you talk to your x or will he kick off? if he will then maybe write him a letter explain how upset the kids get, sometimes people just dont realise as they are too focused on themselves

He's not good at talking about things and always thinks I'm nagging...I will probably go down the route of writing a letter and giving it to his Dad as I don't have an address for my ex. Thanks

sloppychops

RAS wrote: »

If he is on benefits the CSA would take £5 per child.

I thought it was a flat rate of £5 no matter how many children you had.

busiscoming2

It seems to me he is a very irresponsible father, this may be due to the alcohol, but you have to think about your boys. You don't say how old they are but I assume they are still quite young. Quite possibly you will find they no longer wish to 'go to dads' and your problem there will end. In the meantime would it make any difference if he had just the odd day with them perhaps at his parents house?

Sarah1971

busiscoming2 wrote: »

It seems to me he is a very irresponsible father, this may be due to the alcohol, but you have to think about your boys. You don't say how old they are but I assume they are still quite young. Quite possibly you will find they no longer wish to 'go to dads' and your problem there will end. In the meantime would it make any difference if he had just the odd day with them perhaps at his parents house?

They are 8 and 4 years now, I wished that they would both say that they didn't want to go then it wouldn't be me having to make that decision....I think when I put the letter together I will put it to him about seeing the boys whilst in his parents house, he could still have them overnight there. I might speak to his Dad about it first, as he is the only responsible and approachable person in his family, and he knows what his son is like - it's his mother that is the problem she won't have a bad word said about her son, even when he walks over her time and time again

marshmallows

if the nrp is on benefits and the nrp doesnt have the children over 52 nights a year then csa get a fiver from the nrps benefits for the pwc, it is £5 no matter how many kids there are

Loopy_Girl

It's £7.00. It went up in October last year.

I do agree it is a payment as a whole rather than per child. If the OP had 2 children to 2 different fathers that would be different and she would be entitled to 2 lots of £7.00 but as it's one father she will get £7.00.

If there are children living in the house then the money will not be deducted.