Its all about the kids!!!!!

catenorfolk

My ex has now been deemed to owe me over £19,000 and the csa are now getting a liability order against him. His fault as he didnt turn up to any of the tribunal meetings, nor actually gave much true information to the CSA when they were assessing him, He also owns three houses and and has a successful plumbing business. He pays me £20 per week for two teenagers. Now, I have never been greedy, all i have wanted is enough financial help from him to look after my kids properly. I work, and have done for years. I also pay for everything for my kids apart from the odd school trip. Now why is it that many NRP's feel that the parent with care is scrounging, when all most of them want is to be able to live a normal, not extravagant, life. It always takes 2 people to make children, and when starting out, most families dont intend to split up. It really doesnt matter who left who or who had affairs, that is irrelevant now. Most of us parents with care just want help without all this hassle of trying to get support day in day out.How many of us can afford to go out, buy new clothes for ourselves, repair the car, upkeep the home let alone pay for babysitters or childminders. Please Please Please, NRP's if you cant afford to support your first family, dont start another one or moan that you cant afford to upgrade your home or go on holiday , most parents with care cant either. It should be all about the children!!!!!!! who deserve much more than this!!

blimey40

True and I have every sympathy for your case.

It does work both ways though.

Problem is litle sympathy for geunine NRP's who have cared and do care. Thats why the whole system is flawed.

Why should for example a NRP not start a new family?

Loopy_Girl

I think the OP means not starting a new family if you can't afford the first one and plead poverty and can't/wont pay child support.

catenorfolk

I didnt say nor mean that the NRP shouldn't start a new family, what I am saying is that if parents can't afford to support the kids they have, then surely how are they gonna support new children, (Thank you Loopy Girl) Secondly i said Many not ALL, and this applies to both males and females. I know many an NRP who looks after his/her children, but there are many more that dont. These forums wouldnt exist if everyone was looking after the ones they should be looking after. Not all resident parents are greedy either, they just want to be able to support their kids the best way they know how, which is made easier with a little financial support

SuziQ

Every sympathy for you. My first ex has paid nothing for 12 years and the CSA gave up as he is self employed,doesn't drive and kept moving addresses. He goes on several holidays a year-Thailand,USA etc and jokes to the kids 'mummy is paying for this' which makes me see red,although I never say anything in font of the kids as it would make him so happy to know it riles me! He has since last October started sending our daughter some money to help her through Uni but she is always told 'don't spend it if you don't have to' and he makes it clear he may stop paying anytime if 'he can't afford it' (for that,read-I am paying for my next holiday!) I totally agree that NRP should think very carefully as to whether they can afford a second family-tough on the new partner but then,they know what they are getting in to-plus I would never want to be with a guy who didn't want to support his kids-my first thought would be that he wouldn't support ours either,if we split!

Confused_mum_5

An email from a NRP this evening: It's all about money not the kids.

Just to let you know I have been in touch with CSA and I am very happy as I now know you will not get as near much as you got on the old system last time. You now have no contact with me what so ever as I have now cut you and **** off with any contact from me. You are now blocked from my e-mail address and have no other contact from me or to me. I have also instructed my parents that if they do hear from you I dont want to know about it. If you do come to Edinburgh when I am home I look forward to seeing your face when I turn you both away as I really don't care. This is the last ever e-mail so enjoy life enjoy my money have a few drinks on me have a nice life.

Take Care

******!

kelloggs36

How sad that he (??) is cutting off his own child - my ex was like this. Obviously we don't know the background but it is very sad that a parent can't love their children unconditionally.

mumoftwins

Too familiar a story I'm afraid

Loopy_Girl

Confused_mum wrote: »

An email from a NRP this evening: It's all about money not the kids.

Remember to keep that email. Always remember that kids soon turn into adults and those adults WILL want answers in years to come.

Lets see his face when your child thrusts that in his face and asks what that was all about.

I, like you and Kelloggs, have an unresponsive (she says diplomatically!) ex and I answer the questions as they come up as truthfully as I can without hurting my daughter - but then I don't fill her with false hope either that Daddy is magically going to appear on the doorstep either - but hell mend him when she turns 16 and finds him and asks him.

Don't let him hurt you any further confused_mum and just concentrate on being a good Mum x

marshmallows

catenorfolk sorry to hear about your x but there are some pwcs who are out for all the money they can get

catenorfolk

I would just like to say that i honestly am not after sympathy at all, but thank you for showing your support, i just wanted to say really that like everything in this world there are good and bad people. I just feel that sometimes we parents with care are generally grouped together just like the NRP's. There is no happy solution at the moment which is hard for all the good people, either side of the 'war', but i still feel that the children of the first family need to be looked after and considered before more children are brought into this situation. Just imagine what the 2nd partner would feel like if they are put in the same situation as the first family, then they would be fighting the good fight as the PWC!! and so on and so on, lol