Family/friends reactions?

3nicky1

Naomim - i think you have quite a point about being able to see what someone needs to do and it being frustrated, i think some of my friends do fall into this category because they have seen me generating this debt through being useless with money and are probably trying to help.

I do think some of the others are out of order though, and i tell them this. I'm glad some people have had good/ok reactions though. Even with good reactions its nice to post here where people actually understand too!

Merlinexcalibur

Well, all I got from my wonderful family - or just one of them was - 'how did you get in this mess and what have you been buying'. Sure, sure, I've been lashing out on luxury cruises, holidays and so on. Nope, not one bit, what I have been doing is trying to survive, get by in a very harsh climate just trying to subsist. Trouble is, they already do the same thing so go figure. As to friends? I have one sympathetic friend who gives me emotional support when I need it without asking or question. However, it was 'friends' who got me in the debt mess to begin with. So, conversely, I learned a very painful lesson from it.

I'll go away now.

3nicky1

merlinexcalibur - sorry to hear that your so called friends got you in a mess, some of my debt came from supporting an ex partner and that feels so much worse cos of the emotional baggage that come with it than my debt that just from ordinary spening.

Merlinexcalibur

It's the hurt/pain more than the money. How you let your trust get essentially 'laid bare'. Still reeling from the fall out 2 years later, 3 by end of this year. It goes away some days then comes back because you realize that your never ending situation is because of them. Wouldn't be so bad if there were some justice involved cos I know they aren't struggling like I am right now. Just a very expensive life lesson. Other friends of mine warned me but I didn't want to listen. Because when you trust someone you often don't see the wood for the trees. I did know, deep down what was really going on, but I was trapped into it by circumstance. It was either keep a roof over my head or not lend the money. Anyway, won't go on about it. Did a whole lot of other things I got thanked for very harshly afterwards by them which have saved them their future together as a family. You try to come to terms with it as well but because you know your current situation is resulting from all that you can't, really and because you know justice didn't exist seemingly for you as you were the victim they the criminals.

Anyway, I'll shut up now.

poorandindenial

All of my friends and family have been so supportive and are really pleased that I am so happy with the progress I am making. My OH was a bit crap but then social skills aren't his strong point and he frequently says slightly offensive things without realising or even really thinking them.

My parents used to lecture me a bit when I was racking the debt up but have totally backed off now I am clearing it, my friends are even totally cool about downgrading our nights out and things.

I am feeling very lucky!!!!

I was always pretty open that I had debt in the first place though so that may have played a part and warmed them up for the big pay off exercise.

Broken_hearted

My family view being broke as only have a couple £100 left so they are quite hard to deal with at times.

raq

my mum and dad would be sooooo shocked and this is why we haven't told them. They are very good with money and haven't even got a bank account. I would love nothing better than to tap my dad and say , "Hey dad lend us £10k and we will pay you back every month", but unfortunately I just couldn't. We are dealing with it on our own. My other halfs parents are good and if we need anything they are there.

Lot of my very close friends and family are in debt. Recentlyhaving gas and lecy meters fitted and also not being able to pay there mortgages. They are both working but finding things so tight. They are also unaware of the situation we are in. We never talk about it.

We are paying ours on a weekly basis and my other half don't want them to know

pennyfrog

On the whole we keep things pretty much to ourselves. A few people know about financial struggles. A particular friend is very supportive, having been there herself. Some other friends were great too- really helped us out practically when we needed help- but something just changed a couple of years back when we mentioned a problem we were having. we didn't ask for money or anything like that- but suddenly there was a long phone call from the hubby of the pair basically having a bit of a go about our finances- that we can't expect others to bail us out (didn't ask anyone to- and the first time they helped was because someone else called them and they contacted us.)
A long email followed with a pretty stiff 'we're only telling you all this for your own good' lecture. It was full of what we should and shouldn't be doing. The horrible thing was that it was all so inaccurate! They 'told us off' for letting one of our children go on a school trip to France, which wasn't cheap (we'd paid some of it off in advance before the problems arose- and the rest was covered by the school as they have a discretionary fund to help students out)- told us that we shouldn't have Sky tv - (it's a communal satellite dish and there are no aerials in the properties here, so it's the only way of receiving a signal. we only had the free channels anyway!) There was also a comment about 'I know how many toys those children have!' Yes- and most bought 2nd hand by themselves- (no one can barter at a jumble sale like my son!)- with the rest being presents. Our kids were spoiled rotten by other family members at Christmas- and I certainly don't begrudge them that!
There were so many things like that which really upset me that 1) they thought they now had to right to make all these judgements 'for our own good', 2) that they were so wrong and 3) that most of this was stuff they already knew (eg- how the kids have so many toys) and clearly hadn't really listened.
Some folk just don't get it, do they?

It's like being on a diet- you may have just one choccy bar a month as a treat- but if someone sees you eat it- then it's 'no wonder you're so big!' 'Cos obviously all you do is stuff your face with choc every day!