Family/friends reactions?

3nicky1

How do people find the reaction of family/friends when you admit your problems?

I haven’t admitted the scale and the ins and outs to many really for a number of reasons but I’ve been surprised by some reactions. My parents don’t believe in university so I expected they would not be pleased that I’ve got myself in debt whilst studying but my Dad has been surprisingly understanding and lets m go over for a free feed when I want J

A lot of my friends are being quite irritating though – I know I’m in debt through my own stupid actions but I don’t need that reiterating every time I explain that ‘no I can’t go to the pub’. It’s taken me months to find a job and almost everyday I had friends telling me ‘there are always jobs’ ‘you’re not looking hard enough’ ‘you can’t be precious about what you do’. My only considerations were that I could do the hours, I could get to the place and it wasn’t debt collection work!! I’m also getting a little bit sick of people telling me how stupid I am for having a credit card and telling me I should pay it off in one go – where am I going to find £520 lying about?

The main thing that’s bothering me is people feeling like they now have a right to comment on everything I do – I’ve dug out a load of old clothes to see if I can sell any and found that a lot of things fit me as I’ve lot weight over the past year, cue lots of accusing ‘is that new? I thought you were skint?’ I’ve had friends comment on me eating expensively and even one friend going through some magazines in my room and saying it’s no wonder I’m in debt, without bothering to check the facts that the subscription was a gift!

I already feel like I want the ground to open up every time I have to speak to people about it like the debt advisors without having to keep justifying myself to friends as well.

gettingbetter

hi

my parents were really great :T :T :T
once they got over the shock
havent really told any of the rest of my family
:eek: my brother would kill me
the only other family member :mad: well we
wont go into her reaction :mad:
only 2 very close friends know and they
have both been suportive

kas xx

tiny_courageous

The people around you don't sound much like friends to me! They sound downright rude in places. You shouldn't have to justify yourself to them, and I think if it was me I'd tell them where to stick their snide comments

Seriously though, it sounds like you're doing really well in making changes and dealing with your debt, so don't let them get you down.

betti911

My family were really supportive. My friends not all so.

I think, particularly at the moment, so many people have money worries that they are trying to forget about that they get annoyed when someone is trying to do something about their financial situation. When a friend asked if I was going on holiday this year and I explained my plans (for when I’m debt free later in the yr) they retorted ‘Well obviously the credit crunch hasn’t affected you!’ despite the fact I’ve been on my debt free journey for over 2 years!

I’ve also had comments about my clothes too. I’ve hardly bought anything new for two yrs and have been recycling old outfits too and second hand clothes from my mother and everyone assumes that you are secretly shopping behind their back.. if only!

I suppose we just all have to keep focused (easier said than done) and ignore the people who are trying to put us down.

3nicky1

tiny_courageous wrote: »

The people around you don't sound much like friends to me! They sound downright rude in places. You shouldn't have to justify yourself to them, and I think if it was me I'd tell them where to stick their snide comments

Seriously though, it sounds like you're doing really well in making changes and dealing with your debt, so don't let them get you down.

I did tell thm exactly where these comments could be stuck!! Luckily a few less friends means a few less expensive outings

ghostmadlittlemiss

I told my mum last time I was at hers and she reacted really well. It turns out that the reason my uncle 'doesn't exist' (ie, not on rent book at my grandma's, can't sign on if he has no work) is because he has debt that runs to 5 figures from trying to impress former girlfriends and working abroad a lot and he's hiding from it all. Tbh, I wasn't surprised. My mum's side of the family is like something out of the soaps and always has been. So she knows plenty about debt, even though she's never been in it.

My dad knows vaguely about it but not the actual figures. He found out from me not changing my address on my c/c, him accidently opening it, me calling up in a panic to say sorry for lying about the amount and him saying he hadn't actually read it. Thankfully, he just accepted that I could meet at least the minimum payments and that I was dealing with it. He put me onto this site in the first place so he knows I'm in good hands.

There's no way whatsoever I'm ever telling my grandma (not the aforementioned one) and grandad, they'd only worry about me and stress makes them ill.

My boyfriend knows about it and helps me out when he can. He's my main source of support and my inspiration for trying to get debt free.

I know what you mean about friends though, I have one night out a week which I'm holding on to by a thread and get lots of good-natured teasing for drinking tap water the whole time and splitting chips with one of them. I wouldn't tell them exactly how much of a mess I'm in but I get the feeling they'd be vaguely ok with it.
Kayleigh

Naomim

To be completely honest I am probably a bit guilty of this too. My best friend is on a DMP and has been for years although every time she got a pay-rise she didn't amend her figures and spent the extra like water going through her fingers. She met her (now) husband and he is as useless with money as a chocolate teapot. They went on holiday to Hong Kong, he borrowed money from his brother and has never paid it back, didn't declare his car off the road and got fined.. you can see where I'm going.

She was made redundant but found temp work but then got pregnant, he was made redundant in December and hasn't found another job. Baby is now here and bank of Mum and Dad has bought them a Rav 4. Friend is telling me she wants to go to V Festival (£180 a ticket :eek:) I get my ticket free from from work.

Yes I am slightly jealous that she has a new car but I get so annoyed that neither of them can "see" what they need to do when I am putting all pennies into getting everything I can to get debts cleared.

Anyway, I shall take a deep breathe now and get on with counting my pennies :rotfl:

Naomi x

rosepetals_2

offfft! i know how you all feel!

Ive been roaming these boards for over a year and halved my debt down to around £3980 in the one year buy saving, mega cutbacks and by doing an Ebay frenzy!

But when i told one of my friends about my debt, her reaction was "you better pay that off, its not like its hard". Hmmm.... really!

My mum thinks im in a few hundred worth of debt, but my OH is the best, and is sooo great about everything.

skysky69

I haven't told my friends and family The only people that know is me and my OH. I feel somewhere between ashamed and embarrassment about the amount of debt we are in, and how little we actually have to show for it. Its our dirty little secret.

laura2481

3nicky1 wrote: »

I already feel like I want the ground to open up every time I have to speak to people about it like the debt advisors without having to keep justifying myself to friends as well.

I agree with an earlier post- these people don't sound like friends at all! You shouldn't have to justify yourself. Your sorting things out and they should be supportive, not critical :mad: ok, rant over

I finally admitted to my BF the extent of my debt in October last year when some stuff went pear-shaped and I had to borrow some money from him (again) to cover some bank charges. And he was quite surprised, but supportive. Especially as I budgeted in paying him back his money
Since then I've take great delight in updating him on how much I've paid off. Sometimes when i buy something, or want to do something like going tothe cinema he will ask 'is that still within your budget?' which can be irritating, but at least it makes me stick to my own budget! I've also taken over keeping track of our joint finances (bills etc) and we have really started to make cut backs and save money- and haven't been going into our overdraft like we used.

I wouldn't like to tell my parents how much debt I'm in, I think they would worry, event though it's not a huge amount. And the people I've talked to at work about the situation are really supportive too. I guess I'm quite lucky!

Mozette

I've had a fairly good reaction, in fact I've got a couple of friends having a think about their situations, and taking control of their finances.
There's one who moans when I don't go out, and says "it's only £20, £30 or whatever". That'll be why now they can't remortgage any more, keeping their house is looking dodgy.