Green shoots spotted!!!!!

mewbie_2

Cleaver wrote: »

Usual cutting remarks....

This isn't joke book stuff - this is Reader's Digest from the fifties mate. What's a fiver to a man in your position? and you can rip the pee out of me for evermore for my total lack of cutting edge humour.

I'm trying to make up for lack of donating.

Edit: tell you what - if you or anyone genuinely gives a fiver then I'll do the same, and tell you this awful joke.

edit: And I don't want to miss Ricky Gervais because of this. So get a move on.

Martinslovechild

I've also discovered some daffodils in my garden, although they all seem to be struggling to grow, so I've told the government that unless I receive 'emergency funding' they'll all die.

Hang on. Gordon's on the phone right now...

MLC: "What's that you were asking Gordon?"

GB: "Yes, MLC, how much do you need?"

MLC: "Well Gordon, about 2.4 billion pounds, although looking at the daffs, some of them are in a really bad way. To be on the safe side, I would suggest an interim payment of 2.7 billion to allow me to get rid of the 'toxic daffs' and a further payment of 3.4 billion to grow some shiny new daffs, some of which I'll be able to sell to the general public at enormously inflated prices."

GB: "And what will the government get out of this?"

MLC: "Oh, I'll be sure to send over some hair dye for Alastair Darling's eyebrows and some daffs for Mrs B."

MLC: "Gordon? Gordon? You still there?"

mewbie_2

Well OK you stingy sods, I've made my donation so here's my joke. I think it's well worth a fiver, but hey it's your conscience...

"It's raining cats and dogs outside"
"Oh I know, I've just stepped into a poodle"

Now. If I'm prepared to publicily humilate myself with this sort of material the least you can do is send a fiver to CR - it's credit card, you won't even notice it in next months bill.

Cleaver

mewbie wrote: »

Well OK you stingy sods, I've made my donation so here's my joke. I think it's well worth a fiver, but hey it's your conscience...

"It's raining cats and dogs outside"
"Oh I know, I've just stepped into a poodle"

Now. If I'm prepared to publicily humilate myself with this sort of material the least you can do is send a fiver to CR - it's credit card, you won't even notice it in next months bill.

Alright Geldof, calm down, I've donated.

Martinslovechild

From the Comic Relief website...

"Your £30 could help pay for new Kappa jackets for residents of Hemel Hempstead. £50 could pay for a secondhand X-Box"

Possibly...

mewbie_2

Cleaver wrote: »

Alright Geldof, calm down, I've donated.

Nice one.

Took me a moment to get the Geldof comment. Been a long time since Band Aid (the first one - Queen were fantastic). I was thinking Gandalf, Gandalf - why is Cleaver calling me Gandalf? Am I old and wise? Perhaps with a certain gravitas?

No of course not. I've got it now. tbh I'm not really a charity, or Comic Relief sort of person - but on very rare occasions I think I can't really justify doing anything else with whatever bit of money I choose to redirect.

mr.broderick

I've just donated and here is my joke.

Young girl and boy stood under a bus shelter at 3am one morning having it off. Police car pulls up and copper goes on to arrest them both. Young lad protests his innocence and tells the cop he's spent a fortune on this bird all night buying her drinks, took her for a meal and to the cinema. Anyway the cop feels a little sorry for them and says "I'll tell you what if i get a fuk i'll let you off" the young lad replies"Well, ok then, but i've never fukked a copper before"

mewbie_2

mr.broderick wrote: »

Inappropriate filth, but it's all for charity...

You've walked all over my gentle poodle joke with that stuff. These Russell Brand types..

Cleaver

Jesus walks in to a hotel late one evening, chucks four nails on the counter and asks, "can you put me up for the night?".

Christ, I'm glad this forum is anonymous. I only really find truly, hideously, massively offensive jokes funny. Can make socialising with people I don't know that well quite awkward.

vivatifosi

Thanks for the jokes guys, I can't believe they just stuck a red nose on Obama! I have donated my fiver in your honour Mewbie, thanks Dan for the text number. Also went here to give a quid courtesy of Broon (the most satisfying bit) through Gift Aid
http://www.rednoseday.com/donate/gift_aid_declaration/text/thank_you