Trying to sort out mum and dads money!

pippy100

Hi, hope someone can give me some advice.
As the title says i am trying to sort my mum and dad's money. They are retirement age and have pensions to live off, but they can't seem to manage there money very well. They had got themelves into a bit of debt which i tried to sort out for them a couple of years ago and they managed to have some money in the bank which i thought would help but i have now found out they only about £1k left and they haven't been saving at all for bill,car repairs etc but still going on holidays!! So i have again tried to help them out by giving them Martin's very usefull budget sheet to fill out and for them to tell me what there income is. Well when i got it back they are overspending at least £100 a month(i know they haven't included everthing on there) but that's only include basics. They also owe £7500 on credit cards and only pay the mininum(even though i told them not to use it again last time i helped them). To try and cut a long story short i have told them what they need to be doing i.e putting x amount away and living off x amount but the only question i got back was well how do we go on holiday if i can't use my credit card!!!!!:mad:

How do i get them to understand there situation and how to manage there money better when i have already tried and obviously failed before? Short of controlling there life what more can i do? As i know if and when the **** hits the fan it will be me to try and bail them out!!! At my wit's end.

Money_maker

Sorry, nothing particularly useful to add but would suggest you dont bail them out again. This is generally the advice given to parents when they have children in this position.

Quite rare for this generation not to be financially savvy. However, if you keep propping them up, they will continue to spend.
Good luck.

tanith

Pippy how about trying to get them to reduce their 'basics' so that there is some money left for holidays... maybe if you showed them what they could maybe cut back on to afford 'holidays' they might realise they can't have it both ways..
I don't know what sort of lifestyle they lead but maybe if you said well you have to do without sky, mobiles, cars anything that is not essential to be able to afford holidays maybe a light would go on its just a suggestion and you have probably suggested similar anyway...

Maybe tell them bluntly THEY ARE LIVING BEYOND THEIR MEANS

Good luck it can't be easy being the 'parent' of your 'parents'......;)

twinklyspecialkag

Id do a benefits check to see if there is any help they can claim that they arnt already. Good Luck!!

JaRocks28

Possibly showing them the amount they owe in totoal in big bold letters - and the statements of their debt. this might awaken them!! you need to basically make them realise that they aren't able to go on holiday every so often and that they need to try and clear as much of the debt as possible...
is it possible to do like a repayment plan with everything they owe, like put it on a low interest loan or something? that way its only the one repayment and everything is clear and you can cut the credit cards up?!

you shouldnt bail them out - it could make you have financial problems in the long run - this might sound harsh, however its their debt they need to sort it out themselves!

i hope i dont sound mean in this post, i don't mean to be:)

Oh and they Need to budget - otherwise it could lead to other problems.. again with previous posters have put, you need to ensure they have basics for now and not sky tv - luxuries really!

pippy100

Thanks everyone for your replies.
I have written them a plan and again in bold letters told them what they can or cannot afford. I have looked at benefits and to be honest there income is not bad so nothing for them to claim.
Can i ask what do you think is a reasonable amount for food and basics a week for 2 pensioners to live off?

Rustvaar

I live with my Dad and buy groceries for the two of us. Paid £65 for two weeks worth of groceries, the highest it's ever hit is maybe £85. So I think if you said £45 per week that would be quite a generous budget.

That said I am in Scotland and shop in ASDA (Yes, you'd be surprised at how big a difference this makes) if they choose to shop in Sainsbury's or Tesco you can look at chucking an extra £10 to £20 onto the budget just for privelidge of shopping in the latter.

A good idea could be to try and get them to shop smart, perhaps LIDL or ALDI? There's no shame in saving your money by getting essentials cheaper.

Hope this has been helpful for you.

tanith

Gotta agree with Rustvarr and say that OH and I roughly spend £50 per week in the supermarket and that generally includes everything we need including toileteries cat food etc.... I tend to ask for expensive creams , shampoos, shower stuff for birthday and christmas presents and then if I need extra just buy BOGOFF at Mr. T..
I always look for and incorporate in my weekly menus anything that is on offer regardless of wether I intended on buying that particular item.. being flexible is good when looking at offers there is usually something cheap that we like..

roxalana

I think it is really nice that you are trying to help your parents.

However, there is only so much you can do, particularly if they don't want to take your advice. I would advise giving them as much info as you can but say that you then won't get involved again/further unless they ask because you don't want it to spoil your relationship with them.

I think it is difficult for children to take advice from parents, but even more difficult for parents to take advice from children...

I am currently in the position where I feel my parents need my help but they refuse to take it. It got to the point where things became strained. I decided that although the consequences of them not accepting my help are likely to make things quite difficult for them in the future, it is their decision at the end of the day. I figured it would be worse if we also resented each other on top of everything else!

It is really hard to stay detatched though - and I still find myself having a gentle nag every few months...

margaretclare

It is possible to change habits, no matter how late in the day, but only if they want to. It's the famous 'lightbulb moment', isn't it?

One of the most useful lessons I learned about money management was when my DH moved in, 1997 that was. The lesson was: 'It's useless trying to save if you have debts. Pay off the debts first'. Reason: the amount you're paying in interest on debts is always going to be more than the amount you gain in interest on savings.

We were both 62 then. DH had had years in business.

Paying just the minimum on credit cards is stupid. It actually says that on the credit card statement, that if you pay only the minimum it will take much longer to pay off - especially if you continue to spend on the card!

Your mum's question about not being able to go on holiday if they don't use credit cards - well, sorry to say it, but going on holiday is not essential to life, it is not a God-given right! If you can't afford to go on holiday without getting deeper into debt - well, tough. Don't go on holiday. So what? You won't die as a result of not going on holiday. Priorities, priorities....

We're a retired couple and we spend approx £70 a week on groceries. No take-aways, no ready-meals, no snacks, crisps, fizzy drinks etc. We live simply but comfortably. We're not rich, but not poor either - each have our own income. And yes, we do have holidays - last September driving down through Germany, cost approx £2,500, but we paid it off immediately out of savings. We're going away in April - a political conference including St George's Day dinner, conference rates at Portsmouth Hilton, then a few days in the New Forest. http://www.kingfisher-retreat.co.uk/

We each have a credit card and we both pay them off religiously every month.

nomoneytoday

I believe the proverb starts, "you can lead a horse to water..."