Too scared to work out what I owe



  • kathfisch
    kathfisch Posts: 3,042 Forumite
    Hi moozie!
    You should be proud of yourself for what you have achieved, you have recognised that there's a problem, joined the forum and asked for help. Those are often the hardest bits!! Give yourself loads of credit for doing those things and just think, working out the total you owe won't be worse than what you've already done. I agree, in fact, that when you know the amount and have a plan in place it is actually a huge weight off your mind. There's no fear like fear of the unknown!!

    If you have lots of unopened letters etc that you can't face, take it one step at a time. Find all the letters, maybe sort them if you know who they're from. Then set aside an evening to make a start. Buy yourself a file and some dividers to keep things in order once they're opened!

    I really can recommend taking a deep breath and facing things. Look through your letters, phone creditors etc, and write down the balance of all your debts (also find out interest rates etc while you're at it). Then write it all down, add up the total and let your reaction be whatever comes naturally. You might feel shocked, scared, angry or even relieved. Whichever, it will pass and you will probably find a lot of motivation to sort out the problem. I say that I recommmend facing the total because it is often the thing that really kicks people into action.

    Best of luck and (((hugs))) from me, let us know how you get on

    Kath :)
    Don't stress, relax, let life roll off your backs. Except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for now... Avenue Q
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 003 :DProud to have become debt free... and striving to keep it that way
  • moozie_2
    moozie_2 Posts: 3,063 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    After posting my very depressing post last night, I literally cried myself to sleep. I know that's not the most constructive thing I could have done but I woke up feeling a little relieved this morning. Your comments really helped me feel less alone in this miserable situation I am in. Thank you.

    On the way to work this morning, I made a list of everyone I owe money to. The list goes like this:

    Barclays account overdraft (don't use this account anymore but overdraft is outstanding, guessing about £500)

    First Direct account overdraft (this is where my salary goes into and is overdrawn a couple of weeks later)

    Barclays joint account overdraft (don't use this account anymore but overdraft is outstanding, guessing about £3,000)

    Alliance & Leicester joint account overdraft (this is where all our bills get paid from and is probably overdrawn now)

    Halifax credit card (on DD for min amount)

    Barclaycard (on DD for min amount)

    Freemans catalogue (pay min amount every month)

    BHS store card

    Sainsburys loan (paid by DD every month)

    Tesco loan (paid by DD every month)

    Looking at this list, even without the amounts I owe, makes me feel even more stupid and more of a failure. But, I will put in the amounts when I get home from work. I just hope I don't give up half way through opening letters and getting all the figures together.

    Also planning to talk to OH tonight. It would really help me to know he's there for me and that he will try to help with the 2 joint accounts. Fingers crossed we won't argue again!

    Thanks for all your support :o
    Leason learnt :beer:
  • loopylass
    loopylass Posts: 1,296 Forumite
    Hi moozie

    I just want you to know that a problem shared is a problem halved and i know it can be depressing sorting out how much you owe but by taking little steps and talking to others it really does help because your not alone
    good luck i will be thinking of you
    Denice xx
  • D&DD
    D&DD Posts: 4,405 Forumite
    Well done Moozie you're doing great! :T My OH has more of a head in the sand attitude than me so dont worry if he can't help we're all here and some of these guys really know their stuff they'll sort you out and we'll cheer you on all the way :D
  • Alleycat
    Alleycat Posts: 4,599 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Well done Moozie :j :j

    You've made a start which is sometimes the hardest thing to do. Try and take things slowly if you feel yourself starting to panic. Getting your OH involved should take some of the strain off yourself as well.

    I would say the next step would be to start listing what you owe, your current monthly repayments, the date they are due out and what the apr's are. You can then input that into a spreadsheet, either homemade or there are ones lurking on here. I will try and find a link somewhere. Martin's spreadsheet is good, but I found it rather overwhelming and made my own simpler version. Not as detailed but I find it easier to manage.

    Once you have done this you can maybe make a start on your day to day expenses, bills etc. See what if any spare cash you have and where it is currently going.

    Anyway, just thought I would say again :T :T
    "I've fallen down a hole" - said in best Monty Python voice-over.
  • kathfisch
    kathfisch Posts: 3,042 Forumite
    well done on what you have done so far and keep it up!! Let us know when you've got the totals and good luck with talking to your partner about it :)
    Don't stress, relax, let life roll off your backs. Except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for now... Avenue Q
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 003 :DProud to have become debt free... and striving to keep it that way
  • Hi Moozie

    Just look at the progress you've made in less than 24 hours! Imagine what progress you can make from here on now you're taking control!!

    Well done

  • Frugal_Fox
    Frugal_Fox Posts: 1,002 Forumite

    For a start - do not berate yourself. You have said - publicly and thats a huge step! that your finances are in a state. Well done.

    You have begun to list all the 'people' that you owe funds to.

    You have saved masses in the £2 savers club!!!! Clearly you have will power!

    You are amongst friends - true people who have been where you are now, and you will be inspiration for those not yet ready to face their problem.

    Those of us who are 'Debt Free Wannabe's' ALL started somewhere. I started in October 2005. We've all been there, loads of us are still on the way - and a heady few have got there.

    "A simple life freely chosen is a source of strength. Do not be pursuaded into buying what you do not need or cannot afford." Quaker Faith & Practice 1.02.41
  • Hi moozie. :D

    I think maybe the uncertainty and the unknown could be causing you more stress than you realise! When you know what the problem is you can start fixing it, but if you don't know what it is you don't stand a chance!

    Total up everything you owe. Cry if you want, get angry if you want, scream if you want. But then sit down and realise this is the start of a better life! :D

    We will do all we can to help you work out an action plan and help you get your head round things.

    I remember when I first joined and posted a full SOA (state of affairs). I felt so ashamed you would not believe! Even though no-one knows who you are, what you look like etc, I know it isn't easy but it is the best thing I ever did!

    Have a look at this thread and then postback here and we will advise you as best we can!

    Good luck and remember you aren't alone. :D

  • You are alot braver than I am as I haven't admitted to anyone yet what we owe and I've been on these boards for ages now!

    To be honest having your lightbulb moment is quite scary - you've got used to living in the dark but when that light goes on - boy things can look alot worse and sometimes impossible to solve.

    However having the light on means that you can spot the man traps and avoid them and this site has given me the cconfidence to know that hubby and I can clear the debts...ok it's going to take a while but as they say , the debt didn't appear overnight so it's not going to disapper overnight either - barring a lottery win of course, lol!

    Would your OH be prepared for you to look after the finances soley? I know that might make you tighter than Gordon Brown (well this site has done that to me!) but so long as you're singing from the same hymn sheet, does it really matter who looks after the paper work - and I tend to find that visiting this site you learn so many tricks that will save you £££s he'll be soon impressed with the money that you've saved. As part of this plan, hubby has 'pocket money' each month and he can do with wht he like s with it. Now I know some people would say that this could go towards the debt but it is a realistic figure and when he goes out he knows if he blows it in one night that's his look out - he gets no more until the next month and even he admits he now thinks twice about where/when he goes out.

    Also I've tried not to concentrate on the whole of the debt (that would frighten me silly) but to concentrate on 1 debt and get that beat....if only my debt consisted of the one in my signature. It has really given me a sense of achievement to realise that I have cleared £1000 in 6 months - I know that others have done much more but for me this really is an achievement.

    I've got a spreadsheet that I pinched from work and it has really helped me in forcasting the monthly budget so if you want a copy pm me with your email address.

    2014 Target;
    To overpay CC by £1,000.
    Overpayment to date : £310

    2nd Purse Challenge:
    £15.88 saved to date
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