Too scared to work out what I owe

I know I'm probably not alone in feeling too scared to sit down and work out all my debts but I don't know how to snap out of it.

I desperately want to make changes to my life, all the usual stuff I gues - buy a place, get married, be able to afford a holiday instead of putting it on a card but I've been buring my head in the sand for so long, I am scared of the total figure once I add it all up. I am scared it will be totally beyond what I ever imagined and that I won't ever be able to re-pay it. To make matters worse, every month my salary goes in and then I am overdrawn within a couple of weeks. Feels like a vicious circle and I can't see how I will ever be able to re-pay anything.

It doesn't help that my OH is not good with money either and that has led to us having a huge overdraft (not sure how much but I'm guessing about £3,000). Whenever I try to talk to him about us sorting our finances out, we end up arguing. Not blaming each other as such but we just don't agree on how to manage our money.

I'm sorry for posting such a depressing post. I joined the forum a couple of weeks ago thinking it will help as I have no one I can talk to about money worries but I already feel a failure as I am still not doing what I am supposed to.
Leason learnt :beer:


  • gallygirl
    gallygirl Posts: 17,228
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Mortgage-free Glee!
    Well done Moozie, you've taken the first step which is really important.

    Maybe if you started by writing down everyone you owe money to, but don't put in the amount? Then gradually fill in the balnks. then do the same for OH - write down who you know he owes to, then add others, then gradually fill in blanks.

    Hopefully if you an show him what you've done, and come up with suggestions as to how you can manage the debt, it may help him do the same. maybe when he sees the figures it will shock him into being constructive.

    Good luck to both of you.
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    :) Mortgage Balance = £0 :)
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
  • d11wtq
    d11wtq Posts: 57 Forumite
    I'm in exactly the same boat. I hadn't been paying my bills for around 5 months... hadn't even opened the letters out of pure worry. Once it gets to a certian point it becomes almost impossible to face it.

    Don't ask how I decided to do it but last week I opened a letter because I could see that it was printed on green paper through the little window. It was a letter stating intent to take me to court unless I made an initial payment and set up a standing order. Luckily they accepted a £30 initial payment which I paid online. I still have some arrears I'm unsure of the exact amounts of and how much my creditors will accept monthly but I know it's more than I can handle (Halifax and Egg).

    I joined this forum today to discuss how to sort this out.

    Since I've been discussing my situation in a thread here entitled "Feeling depressed and need advice on reducing payments" I've received some excellent advice. I've also heard about PayPlan who can help me out too.

    Bottom line... you're not alone :) Talking openly here will make you feel better too. Do work out what you owe though... if you speak with payPlan first you should feel better before you do so because you'll knwo there's someone to help :D

    All the best of luck with getting back on top of your situation ;) feel free to speak over PM/IM by the way... I'm not an expert but I'm in the same boat.
    Lightbulb moment, Feb 2006

    Egg: £1,150 / 1,550
    NatWest (Fredpay): 0 / 320
    HSBC Managed Loan: £1,800 / 2,500
    GE Capital: £270 / £300
    Style (Wescot): £630 / 1,060
    Halifax: £500 / 863 (£500 limit)
  • Alleycat
    Alleycat Posts: 4,599
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    I agree with Ali, just take things a step at a time. As you say you are always in the red after only a couple of weeks, you could start by trying to reign in the spending. Start by writing out all your income and outgoings such as food, bills etc. You can post them here and people will help you work on reducing them. Once that is more in control, you will hopefully begin to feel more empowered and can work on the debts.

    I found it helped to have a plan. A spreadsheet with all our outgoings, when they were due etc really helped to make me feel in control rather than the other way around and being controlled by the banks. Once I had that we tackled the debts. Shifting some onto 0% card, getting OH (as he's the one with the not so rubbish credit rating) to swap to lower interest loan. As we had done the budget first, we knew how much our monthly repayments could be.

    Its a wonderful feeling to know that at the end of the month there will be some money left over to spend on stuff. We are actually having a holiday this year!!!

    Anyway, good luck and there are plenty of really helpful and supportive people on this board!
    "I've fallen down a hole" - said in best Monty Python voice-over.
  • Take a deep breath and think of the day you will be debt free, the day you walk into that travel agents and the only reason you put that holiday on the plastic is cos you don't want to walk around town with that much cash in your hand bag!

    What I would do is set aside a time with your OH and get together all your financial stuff together and tot it all up. Then look at every thing else you spend money on -mortgage/rent/council tax gas elec food etc - use the budget planner on here to see what you need to put. You'll need to proritise your debts -eg morgage/rent council tax must be paid. Look at the APR's of all cards etc and target the highest one's first.

    If you're feeling very brave list all your outgoings and incomings on here -you'll be amazed at the help you'll get. Sometimes you can cut back by just swapping over utlities/insurance/ditching Sky etc.
  • dmb37
    dmb37 Posts: 74 Forumite
    Hi Moozie

    Writing down your debts is very scarey :eek: But if you want to do something about them you need to face up to it now !

    Speak to someone who can offer FREE financial advice. You have made the first step...........

    Dawn xx
    Proud to be dealing with my debts :wave: :wave: :wave:
  • skintchick
    skintchick Posts: 15,114
    Debt-free and Proud!
    HI Moozie - don;t be scared. I know it seems frightening, but once you get over the shock of the figure, then you and we can start sorting it all out.

    We're a great community here and between us have so much experience there's nothing we can't sort out!!

    A big hug to you sweetheart cos you are low, and a virtual handhold from me as you work it all out.

    Love and hugs xxx
    :cool: DFW Nerd Club member 023...DFD 9.2.2007 :cool:
    :heartpuls married 21 6 08 :A Angel babies' birth dates 3.10.08 * 4.3.11 * 11.11.11 * 17.3.12 * 2.7.12 :heart2: My live baby's birth date 22 7 09 :heart2: I'm due another baby at the end of July 2014! :j
  • highguyuk
    highguyuk Posts: 2,763
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    It'll be ok in the end ... have a look at peoples signatures. Everyone is in it together!
  • I found the not knowing the worst part.
    Even after it turned out I owed more than I thought, I felt better as I had a figure to look at and a target to work towards.

    Its just something that we all have to do.

    Good luck !
    Debt at highest £16k+
    Debt at lightbulb moment £14,800
    Current debt £6336
    Cleared £4206 in November 05 How ? Bye Bye PPI :)
  • D&DD
    D&DD Posts: 4,405 Forumite
    Hi Moozie well done for posting and welcome to MSE you will find there are a lot of us on here who did the same thing as you so dont be worried noone will judge you,you have taken a very brave step so when you feel ready jump in with both feet :j and let us know how we can help just have a look at my siggie I knocked a load off my debt since starting on these boards there are some very knowledgable folk here and while I don't know bu**er all about money I can still offer moral support :D as can a lot of MSErs :T
  • ceegee
    ceegee Posts: 856 Forumite
    First rule of something (?).....know your enemy!! Only when you know what you are up against can you do something about it. It's scary, but when you have totalled it all up then you can work out a solution for tackling it....with lots of help from here, of course! :money: Go on, be brave.....we're here to catch you if it's that shocking that you feel like falling down. ;)
    :snow_grin"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow........":snow_grin
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