Funerals and paying for them...

Bealzebub

Hello. I need some advice please. My mother is terminally ill and lives with a friend, who has taken on responsibilty as a carer. Unbeknown to me, they have been making funeral arrangements, completely ignoring the costs, in the expectation I will pay for it all.

Now I appreciate this may sound heartless, but although I work I don't have large amounts of money to hand like that. What is more annoying is that my mother has no life insurance, no estate, and has refused to save any money towards the funeral costs.

What I need advice on is where I stand regards the funeral if I refuse to pay (or only agree to pay half of it)? To be fair I have been budgeting in the knowledge of what is to come, but that was before I discovered things have been arranged without my consultation, with a figure currently hitting £3000.00 and possibly more.

All help and advice appreciated.

Thanks


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monkeyspanner

I don't think you are liable to take responsibility for any funeral costs. An absolutely basic funeral cost us £1500+ recently, so £3000 would be fairly easy to get to. If the council have to step in they will try to recover the cost of the funeral from your mother's personal pocessions.

chesky369

... things have been arranged ...

but you don't have to keep to those arrangements. Unless a contract has been signed and paid for, nothing is legally binding. Your mother's friend may be cross that what she has planned is not taking place but there is nothing she or he can do about it.

Newly_retired

There are funeral payments from the Social Fund available for those directly responsible ( closest relative ) for arranging a funeral, means tested of course. I'm just off into CAB and will check this out for you and post again later.

margaretclare

Unbeknown to me, they have been making funeral arrangements, completely ignoring the costs, in the expectation I will pay for it all.

Now I appreciate this may sound heartless, but although I work I don't have large amounts of money to hand like that. What is more annoying is that my mother has no life insurance, no estate, and has refused to save any money towards the funeral costs.

Your Mum, and her friend, may have no idea about funeral costs nowadays.

My first husband's funeral, in 1992, cost approx £750, full Requiem Mass followed by cremation, no limousines, no flowers. I got a quote last October when my DH was so ill - for a woodland burial, no limousines, no flowers, no newspaper announcements, funeral service in our church for no cost, and that was £2,500.

Apparently it's all the bits and pieces like funeral cars etc that bump up the cost.

Biggles

I was amazed how much the local rag charged for a death notice. I'd always assumed they were free (!), but it came to £132.

Bealzebub

Newly_retired wrote: »

There are funeral payments from the Social Fund available for those directly responsible ( closest relative ) for arranging a funeral, means tested of course. I'm just off into CAB and will check this out for you and post again later.

A big thanks to everyone for your comments - much appreciated.

With regards the Funeral Payment from Social Fund, unfortunately I would not be eligible due to being in full time work, but thanks again for the suggestion anyhow.

Newly_retired

Sorry, but I had my own family crises today ( MIL in hospital 250 miles away + covering DH's work ) so didn't manage to get the information I promised. I hope everything works out for you.

hardpressed

I believe whoever makes the arrangements with the undertaker is responsible for paying for it. So if you mum's friend makes the arrangements then she will have to pay.

Pobby

margaretclare wrote: »

Your Mum, and her friend, may have no idea about funeral costs nowadays.

My first husband's funeral, in 1992, cost approx £750, full Requiem Mass followed by cremation, no limousines, no flowers. I got a quote last October when my DH was so ill - for a woodland burial, no limousines, no flowers, no newspaper announcements, funeral service in our church for no cost, and that was £2,500.

Apparently it's all the bits and pieces like funeral cars etc that bump up the cost.

I knew your husband wasn`t well but I didn`t realise he was so poorly. Just very glad to hear things are much better know.

Pobby

margaretclare

Thank you for this, Pobby. Last autumn he suddenly blew up an infection inside a replaced knee joint and the infection went to septicaemia, which nearly killed him. It was a very traumatic time for us and it has taken a long time for him to get better. 4 weeks in hospital including 3 days in Critical Care, surgery 3x, several weeks on IV antibiotics from the District Nurses at home, a repeat knee replacement, the 4th on that leg. He's still not totally mobile - there was so little bone left, another replacement was very difficult. Other suggested options were: stiffening the knee completely or amputating the leg!!

I was surprised how calm I was at the time of worst crisis. I phoned a local funeral director while I had time to think, because I didn't want to be panicked if the worst happened. And it would have been the worst. A second widowhood really would have been my worst nightmare.