3 Weddings Coming Up?

Legacy_user

In a real dilemma now, We have 3 weddings this year, One in April, 2 in July and if you looked at my SOA a few weeks ago you would see we can't afford a bloody take away let alone 3 Weddings so don't really know what to do.

The first wedding is my best friend, however I am thinking about not going, I haven't seen the guy in a year and rarely talk via email, but then if you don't go do you still have to give a present? Problem there is our quarterly phone and electric bills are due then.

The second is my OH's cousin, that shouldn't be to bad as they have a wedding list in Argos, would spending £50 on something look cheap?

The final one is the problem, Its my OH's brother, which she is a bridesmaid. She wants to give at least £200:eek: When in reality we can't afford £20, I have a real problem giving his bride to be anything, I have told the OH the best present to give them would be to shop her to the benefits people, She doesn't work, scams the system, and is better of than us, thats the issue I have, I mean a med cruise for the honeymoon followed by a holiday in Spain 2 weeks later, says it all really doesn't it.

What do we do? And then if you do go to weddings you have to buy drinks and all the rest, I've had to give up drinking as I can't afford it. I suppose there is a bit of resentment in me as I've been seeing my partner 10 years and we have never been able to get married because as usual with us can't afford to.

Horace

If you can't afford to go to the weddings then don't go, just send a card wishing them well. You don't need to send a present if you don't want to either. For the cousin, why not get an Argos voucher for £20 or less that they can then put towards something rather than you having to pay for a massive present.

Your OH must be mad if she wants to give a present costing £200 when you can barely afford to keep a roof over your heads, time to put your foot down methinks and point out to her that you can't afford it and you don't want to get deeper into debt.

HTH

System

Horace wrote: »

If you can't afford to go to the weddings then don't go, just send a card wishing them well. You don't need to send a present if you don't want to either. For the cousin, why not get an Argos voucher for £20 or less that they can then put towards something rather than you having to pay for a massive present.

Your OH must be mad if she wants to give a present costing £200 when you can barely afford to keep a roof over your heads, time to put your foot down methinks and point out to her that you can't afford it and you don't want to get deeper into debt.

HTH

Ha ha.. Been there mate, its a no go area. I do see her point though as she see's the guy everyday, they are very close so she want to spend the bit extra on him.

BodyShopBabe_2

Hi

These are your friends and family who I would have thought would know your financial circumstances and therefore won't be expecting really expensive gifts from you. TBH all the gifts on my gift list are under £100 for that very reason so I think that spending £50 on a present is more than adequate. I would certainly not take offence.

I would not expect a present from someone that didn't attend the wedding.

With regard to your feelings towards your OH brothers fiancee, I would advise to put your feelings aside for this one day. However you may feel about her she is joining your OH's family and you don't want to put her in a difficult position. I know it's easier said than done but you'll have to give it a try.

If you don't drink you don't have to spend a fortune at weddings. After all you'll be getting fed presumably?! :rotfl:

Horace

nirelandguy wrote: »

Ha ha.. Been there mate, its a no go area. I do see her point though as she see's the guy everyday, they are very close so she want to spend the bit extra on him.

In that case she should give him a voucher too but not for £200, even if she does see him every day either that or give him a nice bottle of champagne (look for Tesco offers), better that than be over extravagent and get further into debt.

System

Horace wrote: »

In that case she should give him a voucher too but not for £200, even if she does see him every day either that or give him a nice bottle of champagne (look for Tesco offers), better that than be over extravagent and get further into debt.

Yeah a nice voucher for Wickes or B&Q:D I agree though £200 is far to much, Its getting that through to her. But one can keep trying, I've done that much complaining at her that she has taken on extra hours to save up the £200 for the wedding, but still we'd have alot of fun ourselves with £200

nat82

Hi nirelandguy!

I am getting married next April and to be honest I just want my friends and family to be with us on our wedding day. I would be horrified to think that someone may not come because they can't afford a present. That's not why I'm getting married.

I think you have a couple of options - you can either explain your situation to those getting married saying you'd love to share their day but at the minute you are not in a position financially to afford a day and night out plus a wedding gift (although still send them a card) or you could perhaps just go to the evening reception? However, I wouldn't say that spending £50 was cheap. £50 is a lot of money especially when you can't really afford it to begin with.

As for your OH's brothers wedding, you really need to have words with her to make her realise that £200 is an awful lot of money to spend on a present especially when you have another 2 weddings this year and you are not in a position to spend that amount of money unless their are things she could sacrifice to justify it or get extra hours at work to pay for it?

Best of luck and keep us informed!

x x x


Must have posted at same time. Just seen that she has taken on extra hours at work!

snugglepants

=oO !!!!

I'm not doing a gift list, and don't expect anyone to bring presents. If they did I would think a gift in the price range of £15-£20 would be MORE than enough.

I know different people have different ideas, but IMO a wedding is to celebrate the joining and love of two people, and if some want to get the couple a gift, then that's an added bonus. I always buy gifts for people anyway, and would spend £20 or so, depending on what I wanted to get them, and how well I knew them. For a family wedding, I would push the boat out more, but would spend no more than £50 (unless there was something specific I wanted to get them or pay for), and save them money by helping out with my time and skills - those are the gifts most gratefully received and treasured (as I'm having the joy of receiving at the moment!!).

I hope you both come to an agreement, and I definitely agree with you that this is no excuse to get even further into debt! - it'll just impact your own relationship more, and make you both more stressed.

morg_monster

i have 7 weddings to go to from march-september this year. including my own! the others are cousins, and good friends who we see quite often. for us we can afford it and I'm not saying that to rub your face in it but to point out that still between the two of us we'll not spend more than £40 on any of their presents, probably less for most of them. So for your cousin I think £50 is generous. If my brother was getting married at the moment I think we would probably spend around £100 on him but I expect I'd also be helping him out with other bits and bobs for the wedding too. however he's just been dumped... so won't have to worry about that for a while yet, bless him...

anyway i think it is a lot but if your gf is working extra hours to raise the money she wants to spend on her brother I don't think you can argue too much, it is obviously very important to her. If she is going to buy him something rather than just give cash or vouchers maybe you can help her find it as cheaply as poss...

aimee21j

nat82 wrote: »

Hi nirelandguy!

I am getting married next April and to be honest I just want my friends and family to be with us on our wedding day. I would be horrified to think that someone may not come because they can't afford a present. That's not why I'm getting married.

Totally agree with this. I am not bothered about presents anyway. It would mean so much more to have who we wanted there on the day anyway. Just explain that things are bit tight. You could always make a voucher like a day painting/decorating a room or something.

Lara44

Weddings are really expensive, by the time you go there, stay over and all the associated costs of eating out etc.

I would think £20 is more like it - rather than £200!!! This is far too much. My advice would be to cut the ones you can get away with. On the one where your OH is a bridesmaid, there might be a way to get them a present that looks big but doesn't cost too much.

A while back I used one of those Virgin codes to get £40 off a case of wine, leaving around £30 to pay for first time purchases. Could you do something like this? A case of wine would be quite a nice gift.

Or another tip might be buying some vouchers off ebay? You can usually get them for a bit less than the face value? Are you also doing all the free clicks, reviews sites from up your income board? You could get vouchers to give them this way? Or do you have any mobile phones you could recycle? I got M&S vouchers from Mazuma and I think one of the others gives Argos vouchers.

HTH x