What should I do now?

Deepest_Blue_2

Hi all,

A few months ago, my ex partner approached the CSA in regards to wanting to get payments via them rather than directly from me (for whatever reason as I never had a problem paying her and never missed a payment) but I just thought fine go with that if that's what you want.

The CSA got hold of us both last week in which due to a "technical difficulty" which had to be referred to Newcastle the case is still being investigated.

I hadn't stopped payments to her when she initially approached the CSA as I just carried them on as normal, however, since the CSA had contacted me I told my ex partner that I was advised by the CSA to stop payments and fill in a direct debit form so that she will get the money direct from them.

She has now had a change of heart and said she wants things back to as they were getting regular money from me each month (as she has done for the last 4 years). She contacted the CSA and told them to close the case in which they made a note of, I also contacted them and they had said the same thing. I requested that I wanted this in writing from the CSA and they were going to send a letter out to both of us to confirm this arrangement, however, I still not recieved the letter and after talking with them today they have said that due to this techincal minor issue they have that they can't close the case even if both parties are agreed on how to take things forward.

Now my question is I want to pay her the money as she's due it but how best do I approach this because of course I understand that any "backdated" payments count from when the CSA first contact me and they contacted me for the first time a week go, so now it's where it's all tracked and I want to do the right thing by everybody whilst also protecting myself. I was advised by the CSA to carry on making the payments as normal but get a recipt. I did ask the question about if it appeared on the bank statement it would count (especially since she's actually declared everything anyway and it's all noted on the database and case), but I still feel a little "uncomfortable" with just having the case still "open" due to this technical issue.

So my question being do I just carry on paying her and make sure it appears on my bank statement OR do I wait for this letter OR do I wait for them to close the case before I hand the money OR do I write my own letter and get her to sign in?

Any information and help on this would great.

Thanks alot.

marksoton

If it were me, no letter no money. Simple. If as you say you have never let your ex down with payment before she ultimately has herself to blame for this situation. By applying and then changing her mind for no good reason she is doing nothing but clogging up the system. Put the money to one side and pay it when you have the letter saying the case is closed. No matter what you mark payments to her as you are opening yourself up to trouble without that letter.

As for the CSA, well welcome to their world of incompetence and farce.

Donedoingdebt

I think my first inclination would be to go along with marksoton, for the reasons he? stated.
The only downside is of course, the child/children will go without in the meantime.
Don't fall into the trap of buying your children things, even essentials, in lieu of maintenance, as this will be seen as gifts, & will not be taken off any arrears build up.
If you decide to continue paying maintenance, it may be best paid by standing order clearly marked as maintenance paid to the Mother for the child.

Deepest_Blue_2

marksoton wrote: »

No matter what you mark payments to her as you are opening yourself up to trouble without that letter.
.

Thank you for your responses.

I understand what you're saying but after speaking to one of their representatives she said that it was OK for me to pay her as long as I have it stated on my bank account, she said that was proof enough because I specifically asked.

Also the fact that all this has been noted on the case, eg, the fact that she's cancelled the claim should suffice shouldn't it?

What if this letter takes so long to arrive, as Donedoingdebt said, the children are not getting the money and I don't want that to happen, I feel incredibly guilty for stopping the standing order in the first place but was advised to, but now have been told I can restart them as long as I have proof, eg, bank statements.

It's all very confusing and hard work, I just want this sorted out once and for all really, is it a case of me having to call them every day until I get that letter? I wonder what their "technical" problems are with this case that they had to send it away plus also it's in a "queue" it could take ages.

marksoton

Deepest_Blue wrote: »

Thank you for your responses.

I understand what you're saying but after speaking to one of their representatives she said that it was OK for me to pay her as long as I have it stated on my bank account, she said that was proof enough because I specifically asked.

Also the fact that all this has been noted on the case, eg, the fact that she's cancelled the claim should suffice shouldn't it?

What if this letter takes so long to arrive, as Donedoingdebt said, the children are not getting the money and I don't want that to happen, I feel incredibly guilty for stopping the standing order in the first place but was advised to, but now have been told I can restart them as long as I have proof, eg, bank statements.

It's all very confusing and hard work, I just want this sorted out once and for all really, is it a case of me having to call them every day until I get that letter? I wonder what their "technical" problems are with this case that they had to send it away plus also it's in a "queue" it could take ages.

Complete rubbish, as many have found out to their cost. Your ex can get this case closed straight away, i cannot think of one reason why this is not possible.

I understand you do not want the children to suffer but your ex should have thought about that before starting down this pointless path. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Without that letter you can mark the payments whatever you want but if your ex starts playing silly beggers you will end up paying twice.

Protect yourself first and foremost with these idiots.

Deepest_Blue_2

marksoton wrote: »

Without that letter you can mark the payments whatever you want but if your ex starts playing silly beggers you will end up paying twice.

Protect yourself first and foremost with these idiots.

I understand, however, if they specifically have on their records that my ex wife specifically said I was paying her plus the fact that she's tried to close the case should cover me? When I gave the representative my case number she read word for word what was on there and it seems like they knew the situation exactly as I just said how it was so there isn't any way they can change or deny the fact that my ex has closed the case and that I had been paying her money before all this happened.

However, I do agree I need to protect myself and that's what I am trying to do but without hurting the children and falling out with my ex wife again as we only just started back on speaking terms and it's been fairly amicable, I don't want it to be ruined again and I certainly don't want her have any other excuse to go to the CSA again.

One question though, even if a case is "closed", if my ex contacted them again and asked them to re-open it again, then the CSA would have to abide by her wishes, right? So whether the case is open or closed makes no difference either way I'd be investigated whether the case is open or closed, it's her that determines that, not the CSA - so it seems, so I'm no better off either way, it seems that I don't have ANY protection at all even if I get this so called letter.

marksoton

Deepest_Blue wrote: »

I understand, however, if they specifically have on their records that my ex wife specifically said I was paying her plus the fact that she's tried to close the case should cover me? When I gave the representative my case number she read word for word what was on there and it seems like they knew the situation exactly as I just said how it was so there isn't any way they can change or deny the fact that my ex has closed the case and that I had been paying her money before all this happened. Many have believed this and ended up paying the price !

However, I do agree I need to protect myself and that's what I am trying to do but without hurting the children and falling out with my ex wife again as we only just started back on speaking terms and it's been fairly amicable, I don't want it to be ruined again and I certainly don't want her have any other excuse to go to the CSA again. Um she was the one that complicated it by going to the CSA and then changing her mind !

One question though, even if a case is "closed", if my ex contacted them again and asked them to re-open it again, then the CSA would have to abide by her wishes, right? So whether the case is open or closed makes no difference either way I'd be investigated whether the case is open or closed, it's her that determines that, not the CSA - so it seems, so I'm no better off either way, it seems that I don't have ANY protection at all even if I get this so called letter. But if you don't close this case properly massive arrears could build up. With the closure letter this is not possible. Any new case she instigates would only start from that date.

TBH only you know the situation, would your children really suffer without this money for a short period ?

One thing is for sure,getting that closure letter is imperative. Good luck.

koolmummy

I agree with the others in so far as the closure letter from the CSA is vital.

However, I do not think you should stop payment to your ex. Either set up a standing order that says "child Maintenance payment" or pay her and get her to sign a receipt for it, make it clear on the receipt that the payments are for child maintenance.

Even if she is not reliant on the money, (and we don't know that she is not), it could create disharmony and lead to contact problems.

My advice is don't rock the boat, you seem to have an ok situation with your ex which is great and something I envy!

Sensemaya

Deepest Blue

Perhaps she has now realised the errors of her way and won't involve the CSA again.

Like the other people have said, it is imperative you receive this letter.

Given that she probably needs the money I suggest you contact both your MPs assistants to phone the Parliamentary hotline so you both receive a letter stating the case is closed and, most importantly, NO arrears are owed.

Pay her the money.

It may seem over the top to involve your MP over the CSA but you then have a paper trail and the CSA will not be encouraged to contact you at a later date.They are incompetent bullies and once they have their claws into you they won't let go.

I know of a case where the NRP foolishly paid arrears off with a credit card and a few months later they are demanding more. Silly man ( and I told him that ) did not keep the paperwork.

Moral of this tale: Keep all paperwork otherwise it might come back to haunt you.

Sensemaya

Deepest_Blue wrote: »

One question though, even if a case is "closed", if my ex contacted them again and asked them to re-open it again, then the CSA would have to abide by her wishes, right? So whether the case is open or closed makes no difference either way I'd be investigated whether the case is open or closed, it's her that determines that, not the CSA - so it seems, so I'm no better off either way, it seems that I don't have ANY protection at all even if I get this so called letter.

Yes, the CSA could become involved again. But only from the date you are notified.

But tell your ex from me, ( I'm a PWC ) she would be a very, very silly woman to do this.

Keep the CSA out of your lives: Agree child support at a suitable level that is realistic to you both. Communicate with one another.

Deepest_Blue_2

Thanks so much for all the responses it's been helpful.

I have one further question though. I realise that people have had to pay double in the past but surely this has to do with following factors:

a) the payer didn't keep a sufficient record of transactions of proof to the carer?
b) the carer didn't declare the money as child support?

Therefore surely a combination of neglegence and dishonesty must come into play before the CSA would deem it necessary to try and attempt to get double payments? Just my observation because as far as I know my ex wife wouldn't be dishonest about it as she has declared everything so far. I do trust her.