Utilising every other weekend

nicola1982_2

My partner and I have his child every other weekend. Unfortunately the child's mother spends most of the time in her local pub with the child and as a result he is seriously behind in what he has learned. He's also fed a diet of processed meat (like sausages) and chips.

I don't know how to help. I try to read and go through his letters and numbers but it just doesn't seem to be sinking in and by the next time he's over he can't remember it all again.

I'm also trying to improve his diet. He's starting to learn that he can't go to McDonalds with us and he has to eat a variety of healthier dinner but he still asks for sausage and chips so I know that it will be all he's getting at home.

How can I help? I have no children of my own (still pretty young) and he's a toddler. Also does anybody know of a good website for children's recipes? I'm not allowing him supermarket ready prepared food as I'm worried about his salt and fat intake, plus it's cheaper to cook our own food. He's not overweight but he does have spots which I'm sure isn't normal for a toddler.

donna-j_2

Try and get hold of one of the Annabel Karmel books, something like this: Family Meal planner.

If he's just a toddler then it's too early really to worry about letters and numbers. I would stick to reading stories about animals etc, playing down on the floor with toys, going walks and taking about what you see, and so on.

Sounds like you really care about this wee boy so good luck.

Prudent

How old is he? Toddlers would not usually know letter sounds or names. Count with him, but make it fun e.g counting oranges when you are shopping or how many ducks he has in the bath.

Keep going with the good diet. Perhaps you could give him fish? Omega three is essential to brain development. Our bodies are good at getting what they need from what we eat, but cannot get omega three unless it is present in the food anyway. I can't remember what else it is in, but know it is in fish.

Spendless

I agree with Prudent, toddlers will not usually know letters or numbers. Also be careful what you teach because school methods aren't always how you'd think to show a child yourself. Letters are taught by the sound ah for a and the name of it is A (ay). They are also taught to do the squiggles on each letter the curly bit at the top of an 'n' for example. they are also taught in lower case before upper case and I've yet to get how they now add up and my sons Yr 1 :eek: .

davesgirl_2

you could try letting him help you prepare meals - make it fun and relaxed so that he becomes famliar and comfortable with different foods (rymes and silly songs help lol!) it may take a few weeks but he will hopefully start eating what he has prepared - try making things into silly faces ect on the plate and make sure he presents daddy with the plate of food he has cooked (with your help lol!) as he will feel proud
as for numbers and stuff i shouldnt worry too much - i always think gentle encouragement is good but there is plenty of time for hardcore learning at school but they will reach a point around 5/6 yrs when they just want to learn and will dry you of every bit of knowledge you know lol!!!
good luck and good on you for caring so much xx

nicola1982_2

Thank you ever so much for the help - it's often hard to know where children should be development wise, especially when you haven't any friends with their own. It was his aunt who kept telling me he should know all his numbers etc but her and her husband are often quite critical of his parents (As is sometimes the way with those who aren't parents themselves!). He's three. We are taking him to a children's theatre production especially for 3-5 year olds next time which I hope will be fun for him.

I will also have a look for the auther mentioned and definitely let him join in preparing the meal, he likes to do things like putting stuff away with us and feeling part of the 'grown ups'!

PS - what is the sensible time for a 3 year old to go to bed? I try to ensure he's in bed by 7pm, but again I don't think he does at home because often he'll still be awake at nine or ten in his bed.

Counting_Pennies_2

In terms of food ideas, for lunch time to make it fun you could buy savoury wholemeal muffins split them in half and put tomato puree mixed with tuna and sweetcorn, grated carrot and loads of cheese and put them under the grill. They make fantastic pizzas and he won't realise that it is full of healthy ingredients.

Alternatively another pizza idea is to buy tortillas and fill them the same way, fold in half and put in a hot frying pan dry until they are slightly toasted.

These are both healthier options than it sounds he is having and will still make it fun for him, so more likely to eat.

My son likes eating fruit but only if I make them fun by making fruit kebabs. I use a cocktail stick and put raspberries, cliced banana, blueberries, strawberries etc layered on the sicks and he loves dipping them in yoghurt!

Try making rice pudding for dessert. Very healthy for getting milk in him just in case he isn't getting enough the rest of the time.

Annabel Karmel is fantastic as is Lorraine Kelly (check them out on ebay)

For bed time, if he is used to staying up later, how about either taking him to the park for time to burn off additional steam, or allowing him to go at 8pm as a treat. You could make bathtime fun with coloured bath paints and the foam letters and numbers to make learning fun. Then see if he'll have a cup of warm milk to get him ready for a sleep.

In terms of learning, this age group would love trips to animal parks to learn about the animals and noises they make. Where abouts are you in the country? If you are near the M4 there is a great place called Beale Park where you can buy a season ticket cheaply and make it a fun afternoon treat for him every few weekends he is with you. He'll get stability out of it as well as fun.

For counting just say 1 - 10 as you go up the stairs or doing other things such as pouring water over his head at bath time.

Getting him into books would be great. There are some great books like Dear Zoo, What do you say, Mr Men, etc which are great for this age. Redhouse.co.uk are a great place for getting cheap books, they are a reading charity specially set up to encourage learning for children. I read my son a book when he wakes up (he is more keen to learn then) and when he goes to bed, and sometimes during the day if he asks. The best thing is to make it fun and natural and not force the learning upon him.

It is easier said than done, but just relax, enjoy him, get the healthy food down him, but don't stress too much about his development right now. Do things naturally with him and hopefully it will develop over time.

PS - don't believe all the moans and criticisms relatives give about other family members. Their judgements aren't always correct. I don't know about the mother, and she might be utterly dreadful, but remember she is his mum so try to not alienate too much and encourage him while he is with you.

Good luck

Savvy_Sue

I'm not sure there is a 'normal' time for a 3 year old to go to bed. If he is happy and cheerful during the day, then he is probably getting enough sleep. If he is crabby and miserable, then he's probably not. But getting him upstairs by 7 pm sounds good to me - much as we love 'em, it's good for grownups to have their own time and I really miss my evenings! (mine are teenagers!)

If he's happy in his bed, chatting to himself and playing with toys IN BED, then I'd stick with it. Some kids do that, take a while to go off but quite happy to be alone and winding down. If he's not happy, then leaving it a bit later probably wouldn't hurt, but having some kind of routine that gives him a calm transition from the fun of the day to bedtime could be helpful.

Sounds like you're doing a grand job. Don't panic, it doesn't come instinctively even with our own offspring!

Ellie2758

re. the bedtime, a routine is important - sadly this wont continue when he gets home but kids are adaptable and he will come to learn that this is how things are at your place. I would have a quiet time (i.e. not too much in the way of exciting games) followed by a bath and a bedtime story. If you start bedtime around an hour or so before you actually want him to start to settle to sleep he will hopefully get used to the idea.

Ellie

bethscott1970

I got together with DH when his son was 14 months old (he's now 6) so I've done the weekend parent bit for a few years. To be honest the best thing you can do for the little lad is give him your time, spending time on the floor playing with him now will pay off in the long term as he will learn you are interested in him. Simple things like playing with cars, maybe getting one and going 1 2 3 weeeeeeeeeeeee. It won't take long before he gets the giggles and trys to copy you. Over time you can expand it to counting to 10 but don't force the issue he's got years for that.
Food wise my stepson is fed on tinned stuff and packets everyday, I've nothing against tins but his mother thinks a tin of meatballs and spagetti everyday is a balanced diet. We have always fed him a varied diet and the house rules are fairly strict on no sweets or fizzy drinks but now the first thing he runs for when he gets here is the fruit bowl.
Good luck and remember you can't control what happens in her household but you can make yours a constant and caring home where he feels safe and secure.

comping_cat

I wouldnt worry if he doesnt know his letters or numbers as he is only 3, just make sure when he is around, you do little things like when walking up stairs, you count them out loud, talk about different colours of cars, if you see numbers or letters point them out. Might be an idea to get some first numbers and letters books for you to read with him before bed. When my son started school at 5 he could read, my daughter at the same age couldnt (although by then she did know her letters and numbers) when i spoke to her teacher she said a lot of the children in the class came to school not knowing their numbers and letters, so the fact she couldnt read (whilst DS could) didnt mean that she was behind in any way, she was still ahead of a lot of them!!!!