Wedding Gift Etiquette

daleigha

we arent having a gift list either - our wedding is tiny and so most people are only coming to the evening do, so i dont expect presents.

we'll be telling our mums that if people ask what to buy that we dont expect anything but dollars for the honeymoon or debenhams vouchers etc will be gratefully received! but i honestly wont be offended if people turn up with nothing!

there are certain family members and friends from whom i would be very happy to receive a gift of their choice, as they know our style and the things we would love, but at the same time i would prefer that people gave us nothing than wasted their money buying us something we dont like!

that is so rude about the 10th anniversary / 60th birthday invitations with a gift list!! i wouldnt give someone a present for their anniversary anyway!!

xxx

xx

kazwookie

When I got married many many years ago, we did not want a list as we had just put 2 households of items together and had enough of stuff we wanted.

However my mother had other ideas and I remember the conversation along the lines of :-

Mother:- it is expected
Me:- but we don't want anything
Mother:- you have a lot of very rich relations and they expect a list to be sent to them!!!
Me:- but we don't want a list.

In the end Mother did a 'small low cost list' and sent to those she felt wanted it, I still have stuff from that lsis and never use it, I duly sent thank you cards to the provider, but it never did sit well with me over 'expected lists', and still doesn't today.

gill_81uk

We're having a list. I always very relieved when I get a wedding invite with a gift list in it so I know what to buy/what shop to get vouchers from.

Also, I know that most of my family will want to buy gifts so I would prefer it if their money went on things that we want/need rather than wasted on stuff that will be duplicated or never used.

I have made sure that we have a lot of cheap things on there plus the option to buy vouchers starting from £5 as most guests will have paid to travel and stay overnight.

Sammy_Girl

I'm having a gift list and proud of it My wedding isn't until August and we haven't sent out the invites yet, but the number of people asking where we are having our gift list is unbelievable! We've got our gift list number and cards from John Lewis, so when we send out the invites we'll enclose the cards then. It's up to the individual/couple/family if they want to get us a gift - there certainly isn't an obligation to do so. And I would much rather have a list of items that we need, rather than end up with something that we wouldn't like or need - that is a waste of money.

There are always going to be two camps to this debate - those who want a gift list and those who don't. I've always given a gift/vouchers/money when I've attended a wedding - and I always prefer it when the bride & groom have said what they would like - it makes life simple and avoids wastage.

alison

My daughter and future son-in-law have decided they would like holiday vouchers as they have been living together for a long time and don't need anything for the house. I have tried to reason with them that maybe not everyone would want to give holiday vouchers as a gift and it may be better to have a small wedding list as well, but they think I'm being unreasonable. What do other people think?

*Louise*

OH and I will have been together exactly 12 years on our wedding day, so we didn't put a gift list in with our invites - they stuff I need for the houe is more long the lines of wallpaper and wood rather than towels lol.

Most family memebers have assumed cash would be well received, and a couple who are in on my secret to whisk OH away abroad (he thinks we're going to London hehe) are giving us Euros to spend.

gill_81uk

My daughter and future son-in-law have decided they would like holiday vouchers as they have been living together for a long time and don't need anything for the house. I have tried to reason with them that maybe not everyone would want to give holiday vouchers as a gift and it may be better to have a small wedding list as well, but they think I'm being unreasonable. What do other people think?

TBH Alison I think it's up to them. I think as long as they word it correctly ie For anyone who wishes to buy a gift we would be grateful for.... then it's up to the guest how they act on it.

If they don't approve then they don't need to buy the vouchers or any gift at all for that matter.

alison

Thanks Gill, I just don't want to offend any "over 50's" who may have a different attitude to wedding gifts.

gill_81uk

I know where you're coming from.....it's very awkward!

They may have to accept that they will inevitably get gifts that they dont particularly want/need from guests who do object to holiday voucher if they don't do do a list!

Ms_Brush

We are very much in the 'not doing a list' camp. We dont need anything, and we are not expecting anything - in fact it gives our family and friends the opportunity to be creative!

I had a list for my first wedding, and felt terrible that people had to use a specific shop, and their only choice (in their price range) was buying an individual plate or whatever... didnt think about it at the time, as got pulled into the 'must be a dinner set from X mindset', but it was awful! Especially when my totally ungrateful ex started complaining to anyone who was in earshot that 'so and so' had only spent £50..... when everyone had travelled to be there, bought or hired evening dresses / black tie outfits, and most stayed overnight, and a lot of people had to take holiday from work to be there. I was horrified and completely embarrassed - one of many many enlightening moments that led to the divorce.... So, never again!

THis time around, my Aunt is having our cake made for us, instead of buying us a gift, and my Mum and Dad have hand made all the invitations and stationary. I'm sure they will want to buy us something else as well - but I am just happy they are interested enough to want to be involved in the planning. The message to guests is - buy something if you want to, dont spend a lot of money on us, and it must be something we can use (or eat!)