That'll teach them

Cleaver

fc123 wrote: »

Biting, satirical humour isn't ha ha? Makes me go ha ha....with lots of respect thrown in too.
You don't really have a 3 yr old do you?;)

There are no little Cleavers (that I know of, obviously) and there are no plans for any either. Me and Mrs Cleaver often have very slight moments of weakness where we think 'Hmmmm, kids? Shall we?', then we make sure we watch Supernanny, hang out at a Wacky Warehouse for an hour, take some form of public transport and log on to the tuition fees website. Then we come to our senses.

To be serious for a brief minute, we both love kids but it just ain't really for us. Selfish I guess - we love our freedom, holidays, carefree existance and neither of us have ever really planned to have kids. If one ever popped along by accident then I have no doubt I'd be saying that I couldn't imagine life without it. Similar to a Playstation 3 I guess.

lostinrates

silvercar wrote: »

It was relatively easy getting mine to budget and save until they hit the teenage years. Now its a whole lot worse.

I also have a dilemma that, at a time when I can afford to support them, should I make them suffer?

When one says he is up to his overdraft limit, can't get much work in his uni town (recession remember?) and has hall fees to pay next month, what am I meant to do? Either I help out - bad message, or his bank will charge him £30 a day.

He saved for a car, but I want him to have a safe car with loads of airbags, do I help out?

Can you 'employ' them during vacations? Clearing gutters, weatherproofing fences...any jobs that would save you. Keep them working regular days 5 days a week?


I was really lucky. I worked from a very young age, it was up to me how I spent the part that didn't have to be saved. I also got pocket money, but I had regular chores/duties round the house and was expected to deal with things that were not 'my job' but that came up, without grumbling. I soon learned that grumbling or shirking my home jobs meant no pocket money.

The thing is, and it is a real danger, that I got a bit obcessed with making things I wanted to do make money for me too. Sometimes you just need to have fun as a kid.

I am amazed at the number of people who don't work during university though. I worked unglamourous jobs, then got a nicer one, then started my own business. It was doable. There is no doubt first year and final exams are the hardest times, but no harder than managing a job and the other responsibilties of adult life post university

I also took a year off to earn and have fun before university, but money obcessed as I was, I did my A levels in one year so that this time didn't 'set me back'.

lostinrates

Cleaver wrote: »

There are no little Cleavers (that I know of, obviously) and there are no plans for any either. Me and Mrs Cleaver often have very slight moments of weakness where we think 'Hmmmm, kids? Shall we?', then we make sure we watch Supernanny, hang out at a Wacky Warehouse for an hour, take some form of public transport and log on to the tuition fees website. Then we come to our senses.

To be serious for a brief minute, we both love kids but it just ain't really for us. Selfish I guess - we love our freedom, holidays, carefree existance and neither of us have ever really planned to have kids. If one ever popped along by accident then I have no doubt I'd be saying that I couldn't imagine life without it. Similar to a Playstation 3 I guess.

LOL, we're the opposite, would LOVE one, one would be sufficient, but its not likely going to happen...so you get on with life There are certainly upsides to being childless and moping isn't gonna help. I did try and get Generali to give me one of his beautiful kids but funnily enough he didn't comply

I'd really like to foster in the future though.

spuds_2

It's not at all selfish not to want/have children, Cleaver, though I'd say go on, have a few, because you won't regret it. Too many people have kids at a young age as a way of opting out of life, work, responsibility, etc. and so they have something that is theirs and that will love them unconditionally - which they mostly do, but it's not a good reason to have a child.

The best way to teach your children is by example. A good role-model, especially a good male role-model for boys, will really help your kids become happy adults. Too many kids have !!!!less parents and never get to see how responsible, kind, caring people actually behave towards each other.

Lostinrates - you never know what will happen. I know several people who were told they would not conceive but have managed to have a child both with and without medical intervention. I hope it happens for you both.

edit: there wasn't a swear word where the !!!! are, it was fe ckless.

SingleSue

Spuds - Sometimes the lack of a decent male role model can work in a good way too (although I do agree with you), my children have seen first hand how NOT to treat your children and your wife by their father.

They have vowed never to be like him but to be more like their grandad..their usual words are "He is a rubbish dad" about their father, it is even going as far as my eldest son changing his name once he is 16 to my maiden name, as he says "What has he done for me".

I do always hope that I am giving them a fair view of men though, sometimes in my bitter moments, I fear I give out a men are evil scent but I do try to counter that when I am in my 'better' moods. So far the feedback has been that they are real gentleman in every sense of the word, fingers crossed they remember my 'nice' comments and not my 'all men are bad' comments (those comments usually come after he has yet again fallen down on his responsibility to his children)

fc123

lostinrates wrote: »

LOL, we're the opposite, would LOVE one, one would be sufficient, but its not likely going to happen...so you get on with life There are certainly upsides to being childless and moping isn't gonna help. I did try and get Generali to give me one of his beautiful kids but funnily enough he didn't comply

I'd really like to foster in the future though.

You never know LIR...Nature is a starnge beast sometimes.

I had a ruptured ectopic ~@ 28. It was nearly ''Your dead' experience apparently a few mins. Nearly 3/4 of reproductive equipment was removed + the scar was huge (still have no feeling on my lower tummy). They told me no more babies....which I was cool with....so didn't bother with contraception........and DD turned up 3 years later.

I know diff medical things are different for everyone...but you never know.


Now I feel guilty for saying that I then sent OH off to have the snip...as, after second time, I thought ''No way am I doing that again''. He was more traumatised post snip and didn't speak to me for 4 days.

lostinrates

fc123 wrote: »

You never know LIR...Nature is a starnge beast sometimes.

yeah, we'll give it two more years, then take doubt out of the equation..more cats, dogs etc...I'm a planner, I'm not keen on big surprises:o
I had a ruptured ectopic ~@ 28. It was nearly ''Your dead' experience apparently a few mins. Nearly 3/4 of reproductive equipment was removed + the scar was huge (still have no feeling on my lower tummy). They told me no more babies....which I was cool with....so didn't bother with contraception........and DD turned up 3 years later.
Crikey! What a wonderful surprise she must have been!

I know diff medical things are different for everyone...but you never know.


Now I feel guilty for saying that I then sent OH off to have the snip...as, after second time, I thought ''No way am I doing that again''. He was more traumatised post snip and didn't speak to me for 4 days.

Why guilty? sensible if you ask me!:D

SingleSue

It certainly is a strange beast....I was told that I had a million to one chance of becoming pregnant so I threw myself into my career and got a cat instead.

Imagine my surprise to then find out a while later that I was pregnant, on visiting my doctor to confirm it, he very gently tried to tell me it was my body wanting to be pregnant and that I couldn't be but he would do a test just to prove it to me....it came back positive and the doctor was as shocked as I had been.

Straight after eldest was born we started trying for our second son....and trying...and trying...and trying. Umpteem operations, a miscarriage at an early stage and 3 years later (there was a short window of time after an op to have the small possibility of getting pregnant) and a visit to the fertility clinic and we were finally expecting another baby.

The pregnancy and delivery was awful so we decided to call it a halt to having anymore....errr, middle son was 7 months old when we found out I was expecting again! This was despite using the contraceptive injection and me breastfeeding.

I was incredibly broody after youngest was born but hearing my new born nephew crying a year on soon put me in the frame of mind that I didn't want anymore so I ended up being sterilised...weird when we had originally been told there was no chance of having babies.

So yes, nature is strange but sometimes in a nice way.

olly300

SingleSue wrote: »

Spuds - Sometimes the lack of a decent male role model can work in a good way too (although I do agree with you), my children have seen first hand how NOT to treat your children and your wife by their father.

They have vowed never to be like him but to be more like their grandad..their usual words are "He is a rubbish dad" about their father, it is even going as far as my eldest son changing his name once he is 16 to my maiden name, as he says "What has he done for me".

I do always hope that I am giving them a fair view of men though, sometimes in my bitter moments, I fear I give out a men are evil scent but I do try to counter that when I am in my 'better' moods. So far the feedback has been that they are real gentleman in every sense of the word, fingers crossed they remember my 'nice' comments and not my 'all men are bad' comments (those comments usually come after he has yet again fallen down on his responsibility to his children)

SingleSue while your circumstances are unfortunately your sons have a good male model and a bad one.

That's what extended families are for.

PasturesNew

Cleaver wrote: »

She has saved her birthday, Christmas and Easter money for all of her three years and has managed to save £43,000 so far

Adopt me ... plz.