Any issues with marrying in a church when not practicing Christians?

schmink

My OH and I have decided that we would like to get married in his parents local church but we're a bit aprehensive about going about it. We're not church going (neither are our parents) and wondered how we would be recieved when we approach them. We're not atheists by any stretch but just wondered if anyone had any good or bad experiences about asking to get married in a church when they're not practicing Christians. :rolleyes:

penniesforme

depends which church - as with all other religions, some denominations (or even churches within the same denomination may have differing policies) are stricter than others and they will probably not allow you to get married.

However, the Church of England will allow all couples to get married in their local parish church (or in a parish church which they have 'connection' to - as per the update in Oct 2008).

You need to talk to the pastor/priest of the church in which you are intending to get married and see what they say.

hope that helps.

isofa

You might want to ask yourself why you want to get married in Church, and then talk to the vicar about these reasons...

If you get married in a church outside your local parish (which you can if you have connections, i..e. lived there, or your parents or family worshipped or got married there etc), then you must also contact your parish vicar to have your Banns read out in the local parish church too.

Floss

isofa wrote: »

You might want to ask yourself why you want to get married in Church, and then talk to the vicar about these reasons....

I agree...and would add that isn't it a litle hypocritical to want to marry in a church when you don't go to church yourselves or even come from church-going families?

Although I suppose your wedding photos will look very traditional, with you & all your guests gathered on the steps of that pretty building with the pointy tower-thing and those noisy bells :rolleyes:

schmink

I wasnt really looking for people to point the finger and call us hypocritical, I just wanted some genuine advice. We have decided to get married in a church because it is something that means a lot to the older generations of our families. I am sure that some people do get married in a church because of the pretty surroundings but thats not the case. I'm sure the vicar will guide me more sensitively through the process :rolleyes:

sal-ad_daze

Floss wrote: »

I agree...and would add that isn't it a litle hypocritical to want to marry in a church when you don't go to church yourselves or even come from church-going families?

Although I suppose your wedding photos will look very traditional, with you & all your guests gathered on the steps of that pretty building with the pointy tower-thing and those noisy bells :rolleyes:

A bit harsh I think Floss.
I do not attend church, haven't since I was Confirmed really, but like to think I live a 'christian' life and it was important for me to be married in Church and it was important to me that my children were Christened and my first grandchild has also been Christened.
Just because your bottom doesn't warm a pew seat regularly every Sunday doesn't make you any less of a Christian.

If you just explain to the minister/vicar/priest why it is important to you to marry in the sight of God then they should allow it.

However, if Floss is right (and it's not like that so much these days with far more imposing venues available) then perhaps you ought to think again.

schmink

I couldnt agree more Sal-ad daze and this is how I feel. Although I am not church going I too live a 'Christian' life and come from a family who were very involved with the local churches in their area with the grandparents even having a window in their name. I have looked at other venues such as hotels, castles etc and some were lovely but they just didnt feel right. I have been looking a lot on yourchurchwedding.org which has reassured me somewhat but thanks for everyones input.

Floss

sal-ad_daze wrote: »

.......Just because your bottom doesn't warm a pew seat regularly every Sunday doesn't make you any less of a Christian...

I don't see the word "Christian" in my post........and I was not implying that the OP & partner are not Christians.......but it is a question that they will be asked, quite possibly by friends / family and more likely by the vicar / minister / priest.

And BTW I replied to the thread title of "Any issues with marrying in a church when not practicing Christians?"...........Makes me wonder why did you ask for the advice?

morg_monster

hey I thought I would tell you our experience. I went to church (methodist) as a child up until the age of about 16 when I decided sunday mornings were better spent sleeping than going to church and my parents finally agreed when my grumpy moods got a bit much for them! I haven't been regularly since then although usually go with mum and dad when I come home for a weekend. I was never made a church member as I guess I was probably to embarrased about it in my teens but I can see myself returning to a church in the future if I find the right one that suits me. My OH family never went to church but we hold the same values and the same beliefs - I just know a lot more about the bible stories than him thanks to all the sunday school!

Anyway it was important to me to get married in a church - to me that was the "default" setting, and as I said although I wasn't a church member, my views are more christian aligned and I feel perfectly happy saying my vows in church, plus my parents still go to the same church I grew up in so there is that link too, if they had moved I might feel differently. My OH also felt it was right to get married in a church as despite not going to church ever he is definitely no atheist.

I think it makes it easier that our church wasn't C of E, the methodists and baptists are much more easy going I find, they have less rules about who can get married there - there's no rules about parishes etc - and we have had no problem arranging to get married in my parents' church. The minister is lovely and he knows we don't go to church at the moment, he has never made us feel uncomfortable and is just basically completely laid back about it. He's more interested that we lead a christian-compatible life, I guess you could call it, that we will take our marriage vows seriously and have a good understanding of what we are letting ourselves in for! Talk to your OH's parents - they will probably have a good idea of the minister/vicar's character and whether he is likely to give you a hard time or not. They may also be able to "put a good word in" or broach the subject with him to test the water. Good luck whatever you decide.

morg_monster

sorry i just wanted to add - our minister has never asked us if we believe in God.

Neeny82

I was a little worried about this too. I am Roman Catholic, went to a Catholic school and attended church regularly growing up. However when I left school I just stopped going. I am now living in a different area and my OH is CoE (again non practising). We both hold Christian values but we just do not attend church. When he proposed and we started planning the wedding, OH stated that he wanted to get married in the local church (which he and his family were christened, married in etc) and I agreed, however I was nervous that the vicar would ask us why we wanted to get married in a church when we did not attend church.

When we went to see the vicar, however, this did not even come into the equation. He asked a series of 'legal' questions which took 2 minutes and then agreed to marry us without hesitation. A friend of ours getting married at the same church this year had to go to the vicars house for a meeting, while he asked her questions about her previous divorce - after this he agreed to marry them.

I do know however that friends of mine who have also married in this church with ease, have found it much harder to get their children baptised there, as non-practising christians.

I think it really depends on the Vicar and how they feel about the fact that you are not attending church.