Buying House with Girlfriend - What's the best way?

squidy_the_quid

Fortheloveofmoney wrote: »

When I bought with my ex he put down the deposit. We had a Trust Deed drawn up which said he got back his deposit if we split and the rest would be split equally.

This is exactly what happened when we did split and due the agreement it was fairly straight forward.

We had it written in that the agreement would be void if we married.

If she is not keen on this idea (as i wasn't) then think very carefully about the effect it could have on the relationship. I felt forced into signing and was really upset that he had thought of us splitting up. In the end he was right but I always wondered how much the agreement contributed to that as I always felt he wasn't as committed to the relationship as I was. To me it was a good as being married and we should have shared everything.

Buying a place together is a serious financial and legal commitment and if you're not 100% then rent first.

The agreement worked in my favour in the end and when we split it made things a lot easier.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, they are most appreciated.

It's helpful to hear how you felt about the situation. For the most part I am quite practical and while I have talked about what makes financial sense I don't want to forgot about the affect whatever descision we may make might have on our relationship

I have no desire to pressure my GF into an arrangement that she is not happy with (or vice versa). I am very aware that buying a house, especially with someone else is a big commitment and I would want both of us to be completely happy before undertaking it. If either of us thinks the arrangement isn't fair then it's not going to work.

As cold as it is, as much as I love my GF and have every desire to stay with her, not all relationships last, so it is important to think about what would happen in such an event. It's good to know that although sadly your relationship broke down that at least form a financial perspective things resolved themselves amicably.

TeamBean_2

In the end he was right but I always wondered how much the agreement contributed to that as I always felt he wasn't as committed to the relationship as I was.

This is definitely something I would be afraid of, as although the "sensible" thing to do is to look after your finances, how much that then impacts on your relationship is unpredictable.

It's difficult to know how much getting an agreement written up in case "the worst" happens will actually lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy of "the worst" happening.

System

Ok I'll expand my earlier comment.

I bought a house with my girlfriend in 2007, I had £10,000 to put down and she had £2,000, but I didn't go to the trouble of getting anything legal written up about who owns how much of the house.

I earn just over twice what she does, so I also pay more than she does into the joint account than she does each month.

Ultimately, I have no intention of making her pay me back as she quite frankly can't, in fact if you look at it as a percentage of income she actually pays more than me.

I think what my point is, is don't let money come between you both, perhaps I'm being foolish by not safeguarding my investment, but it seems petty and a bit off to hassle over money with someone you love and care for.

My take on it anyway, as I said I'm sure it's not the sensible option and only you can decide what's right for you. in the future when you're married and one of you is at home looking after mini-squidys I'm sure the working side of the relationship won't be pestering for cash off the other half then!

ellersb

Thought I'd share my experience for you too!
Bought flat with friend in 2004 - I put in whole deposit.
We split mortgage payments, bills, maintenance 50/50 but had a trust deed written up so that when we sell, I'd get my deposit back plus 60% of the equity. Not sure why I agreed to 60/40 but seemed right at the time, although people told me after, that if I'd put in the whole of the deposit, then I should have got more than 60%, but it all worked out in the end.
Question though: you mention that if you do it all 50/50 there'd be less deposit. Is this what she's actually after, or is she still after you doing majority deposit and still 50/50?
You can also put pretty much any terms in the trust deed you like - i.e. equal say on all matters.
hth, good luck!

ellersb

squidy_the_quid wrote: »

Thanks for sharing your experiences, they are most appreciated.

As cold as it is, as much as I love my GF and have every desire to stay with her, not all relationships last, so it is important to think about what would happen in such an event. It's good to know that although sadly your relationship broke down that at least form a financial perspective things resolved themselves amicably.

Another spin on it (if you and her are uncomfortable with the discussion about relationship breaking down) is, for example, if she died, or you died, your parts are more protected. You can choose to leave your amount to her and vice versa. Otherwise, you'd be owning the house with her parents I guess.
I normally put this spin on it - easier to swallow somehow!

sunshine_shell

Me and my boyfirend are in a similar position, he has a massive deposit and i have a mini one (but an excellent collection of bags and shoes) BUT I am the one who wants to agreement because i think its only fair and i don't want his mum to think i'm a gold digger even though i match his earnings easy!

I don't see it as a problem, but if he does get all this is more my house than yours he can clean it all

squidy_the_quid

sunshine_shell wrote: »

Me and my boyfirend are in a similar position, he has a massive deposit and i have a mini one (but an excellent collection of bags and shoes) BUT I am the one who wants to agreement because i think its only fair and i don't want his mum to think i'm a gold digger even though i match his earnings easy!

I don't see it as a problem, but if he does get all this is more my house than yours he can clean it all

Hehe, sounds fair to me!

:T

Lakey

Squidy - I think you must be the most polite poster I have seen on the boards!!
It's such a pleasure to read your replies.
I suspect your girlfriend is a very lucky girl and I wish you both all the best in the future with whatever you decide.


:beer:

ManicMum

I would say don't do this unless you intend to stick together. You are already mentioning what if's and trying to make provision for not losing your money. This is a very serious purchase and much more of a commitment that just making an investment and getting on the ladder. My husband didn't have a pot to p**s in when I met him. In fact I paid off some of his debt. I have in effect set him up with 2 properties. However, now I am not working due to being a stay at home Mum so it is him who is paying the bills and the mortgage. it's a team effort.

Think carefully before you leap. and good luck.

LillyJ

ManicMum wrote: »

I would say don't do this unless you intend to stick together. You are already mentioning what if's and trying to make provision for not losing your money. This is a very serious purchase and much more of a commitment that just making an investment and getting on the ladder. My husband didn't have a pot to p**s in when I met him. In fact I paid off some of his debt. I have in effect set him up with 2 properties. However, now I am not working due to being a stay at home Mum so it is him who is paying the bills and the mortgage. it's a team effort.

Think carefully before you leap. and good luck.

It is a team effort, but screwing yourself over simply to be all romantic and cushty is pointless.
I bought with my fiance (then plain old boyfriend) last year, and we got everything drawn up properly, and DID have to consider "what ifs" despite being utterly in love, together for 8 years, and completely devoted to one another. Relationships do break down, as do marriages, and it's foolish to think this will never happen. I bet most people who get divorced didn't think on their wedding day they would split up.

As it happens, we are now engaged and getting married next year. After that we will have our finances totally joint- all wages going in to one big pot.
Until then it will be separate accounts, with one joint one for all the bills which we pay equally into each month. Doesn't mean we love each other any less, it's just sensible.

I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and hope and pray that everything goes the way we dream it will - but as many people are finding out the hard way at the moment, life doesn't always give us what we want.