Marriage Failure - Should I claim "Legal Entitlement?"

QuidsInn_2

I am very nervously asking for advice here. My situation is this...

Have been married for 5 years. It is over. We live in a house owned by my father-in-law which my husband was "doing-up" before we met, and we subsequently moved in, married, had baby (now 4 years old).

Things are ok between us, it's just over. No violence.

I have been told that "Legally" I am entitled to stay in the matrimonial home even though it belongs to my f-i-l and could force my husband to move out. I really dont want to do this but would I be an idiot not to take this route?

The alternative, which I am currently chasing, is to find council accommodation for myself and 3 children (2 from previous marriage) as my part time salary is not enough to either get a mortgage or pay for privately rented accommodation (housing benefit would only give me £200 a month approximately, against needing £800+ for rent). I am in receipt of Working Tax Credit as I work 20 hours a week, this is being reviewed currently.

The woman I spoke to at the benefits office, and I still cant quite believe this, told me that I would be better off if I gave up my job - I would then be entitled to more benefit!! This has left me furious! :mad: I work because I want to work, not only for money, but for self respect, self esteem and to teach my children good values.

I dont want to cause everlasting animosity between my husband and myself, or between his family whom I love dearly.

I guess it's difficult to see the whole picture when you are in the middle of a situation, so I would like some feedback/advice from anyone who can help me clear things in my head.

Thanx

randy_4

I think you have answered your own question really.

I know you have the responsibility of looking after your kids and that is obviously your priority, but this is your FIL's house. Have they mentioned it at all? I assume (I hope) your husband and the father of your other kids will be contributing something towards thier upkeep too?

comping_cat

It might be worth speaking to your husband and FIL to see what they are expecting to happen, they might be fine with you living there, or they might want you to move out, in which case i would see a solicitor (they often give free 1/2 hour sessions) or the CAB.

melancholly

I don't have any advice - just wanted to say that I really hope you sort things out, and that you and your children get your needs covered.

QuidsInn_2

Thank you for your replies.

I have spoken to Citizens Advice, and had 20 min freebie with Solicitor. They both advise me to stay put and force husband to leave. This goes against every grain in my body. It's just not right, just because I have the right! My husband put blood, sweat and tears into this place. I invested a lum sum of cash when we married (£18k), which I paid off my husbands debts to his father with, for building materials etc. I guess this was my way of "buying" into the house. In principal, he has agreed to pay this sum back, though doesnt know how.

I just wanted some feedback and opinions. From talking to lots of people, it is 50/50 split between "kick him out" and "do what feels right". I am a softie and am going to folow my heart and gut instict on this one.

I wouldnt want to live in a house that doesnt feel like I belong.

november

The reason CAB advised you to stay is that if you leave voluntarily you will not be eligible for council accommodation as 'homeless'. You would only be eligible for this if you had no right to stay which you do. You can join the housing list for council housing but that could take a very long time to get a place (or if your area is like this area long time means ' probably never').

That leaves private renting if you want to leave. I assume the hb quote was because of your salary and tax credits.

Re. the house and your staying. I totally understand why you want to leave as this is your FIL's house and your husband was working on before you met.

However from all perspectives the most important person in this equation is your child and his/her stability and having a home. In all honesty even if I had bought/done up a house I wouldn't want to live in it if it meant my child having no stable home. Does his father/grandfather feel the same way?

Is this an equitable split? If you cannot afford to rent privately/buy without help and you are not entitled to a council house in the near future I think it may be better if you can all discuss what is best to provide 2 stable homes for the child. I don't mean either that you shouldn't leave - just that it may take more discussion/help to enable you to do so if thats what it boils down to.

hjb123

Do you still get on quite well with the in laws? Would they support you in finding somewhere else nearby perhaps?

exil

What puzzles me about this is - surely the FIL is entitled to charge a fair rent for the property - and wouldn't that be more than the rent on a flat for a single parent/child?

QuidsInn_2

Not quite sure what you mean Exil, I need a 3 bedroom place (having 2 boys and a girl, plus me). FIL has never charged us rent since being here. Rent in the area I need to be (for continuity of schooling) is minimum £800 for such a place. My husband has agreed to a small amount of maintenance from the point that I move out.

Although I get on well with in-laws, FIL has pretty much told my husband that it is "our problem" and really doesnt want to get involved! (Case of stick your head in the sand syndrome). I am not close enough to them to feel comfortable talking to them about it and husband is not saying anything!

My husband has actually written me a letter asking me to leave the property and I have until 1st April to quit. This has been copied to the council housing people as it apparently is the only way I could be awarded any more points under their system, effectively I am now "officially" being made homeless.

Am tired of the struggle! I just want a place that I can make a stable home for me and the kids, but am having to battle to get anywhere.

Thank you all for your comments and advice!

carol_a_3

Remember that the 18k you "invested" 5 years ago is worth a lot more than that now when you get your money back.

Good luck with it all, it's a horrible situation.

LondonDiva

Why has your husband agreed only a small amount of maintainance, shouldn't he at least be prepared to pay towards your rent in a new flat?