10 years in denial

Mr_Jinks_2

Hi everyone,
Please forgive me if this is a long story because unfortunately it is:o
But hopefully by writing this I can begin to reach the final chapter.
I found this site a few hours ago and this is the extent of my denial in that I've known of it for years but never visited.

I was actually searching on the net for a breast of lamb recipe,one of my favourite cuts of meat BTW:D
And it's in the oven as I type,I can't wait
My search led me here about 4 hours ago and I've been here ever since reading others stories that have led me to finally make the decision to go BR after years of trying to pay and running away from impossible debt.

My debts are my own fault,I don't gamble but I played cards.
The credit cards.
I think I got my first card back in 96,I needed £500 to buy a car,LloydsTSB or just TSB as it was then wouldn't give me a loan but gave me a credit card instead to the tune of £500.
It wasn't a problem,I managed it okay and paid in full every month.
Trouble was every time I paid it off they upped the limit.
That card eventually went Platinum with a £15,000 limit.
I succumbed to offers of other cards.
Barclaycard gave me a £10,000 gold card.
Co-op gave me a £10,000 gold card.
MBNA gave me a £5,000 gold card and(if I remember correctly)an £8,000 platinum card.
LloydsTSB also offered me two £5,000 loans,actually they offered me less at first then more until I accepted.
Capital One gave me a couple of cards,I think they were both £1,000 but by that time I was already in big trouble.
After a row with my employers where I was the foreman and in charge of training apprentices(I'm a bricklayer specializing in building conservation)I quit my job thinking "what the heck".
I don't need the stress(the trust I was working for went bust a month later)and I've still got all this money on the cards and my credit is good.
Only it wasn't really,I took a lower paid job in the same field in 2001 and my employer encouraged me to go to university at the ripe old age of 41 to study for my degree in built heritage consevation.
However he wouldn't pay for the days off I had to take even though it was for the benefit of his company AND he was a lecturer on the course:eek:
By that time I was already £20,000 in debt and using my cards to rob Peter to pay Paul.
My debt has escalated over the years.
In denial I told myself I can work to pay it off but in truth I knew that was never going to happen and the stress led to a nervous breakdown and Prozac which led to another nervous breakdown.
I've had issues with depression or "stress related illness" for years and am now on benefits because of it.
Again in denial I never put it down entirely to my debt.

Dammit I'm a bloody good craftsman bricklayer with over 30 years experience and I've restored some lost skills from hundreds of years ago but right now I feel like that old tool buried under a bench in a shed somewhere that will only be discovered when nobody knows what it actually does anymore:p

This site has lifted my spirits and I can see a way forward,one I should have taken years ago,pride prevented me.

I can't call myself financially responsible,I didn't need to take the cards and loans and still in denial I can't bring myself to add it all up.
I live in a rental property,so no assets,just me the cat and the computer.

There are a few other debts that I can't even account for,they've been passed from DCA to DCA and I've lost track!
One DCA,the one I owed the Co-op bank £10,000 got a CCJ and I offered to pay £4 a month which the court agreed,then the DCA went bust and my bank cancelled the DD.

I tried to pay my debts and at present pay £75 a month to LloydsTSB and £5 a month to Southern Water out of my benefits,the latter did a calculation for me,it turns out I have a defecit of £83 a month!
That's unmanagable,the money doesn't exist and I've exhausted my small savings.

I never wanted to take the easy way out or have the stigma of going bankrupt but now I realize it may not be easy but there is no stigma.

I've been threatened with a statutory demand by one DCA and did agree a payment plan,I've now told them I can't pay,there is no disposable income and if I ain't got it they can't have it.

I've had years of threatening letters and phone calls,I get around 3 letters from DCA's a week which I now ignore purely because I can't pay and I kind of hope if I ignore them they'll go away.
But deep down I know they won't,it's the denial again.

Now,just turned 49 and without a pot to do the proverbial in I've decided to do what I mistakenly thought was the dishonourable thing.
Go BR.

I don't know where I'll find the fees yet but I have a new determination to do so,get myself back to work,and have a clean sheet.

Thank you for allowing me to bore you:)
Jinks

So_Sad_Angel

Hi Jinks....(does that sound right??:D)

Anyway welcome Honey....I bet you feel so much better for getting that all down in writing !!...BR brings so many mixed emotions when you realise that there may be no other option but although daunting its nothing to be afraid of . In fact when you have been on the receiving end of DCA etc its quite a relief!!

I read all your account & can so identify with the card shuffling (Gold, platinum,silver...I had them all), depression(I`m still in the midst of that one...hence the sleepless nights!) & then the realisation that I wll never pay it all off & survive!!

Make sure you speak to a debt charity (CCCS have an online Debt Remedy which can give a good indication) .

Keep reading on here....we won`t judge because we realise you `are where you are` & this board is about finding a way through it & getting your life back.

Keep posting.

Angex

epsilondraconis

I hope the breast of lamb tastes good, mmmm, I can almost smell it...

Well done with the post and finally coming to the BR decision. Its a tough call - one I hope I never have to make, but then again, none of us know quite what is around the corner.

Don't forget to save some lamb for your cat - I trust your cat isn't like ours where she helps herself from our plate (to be fair, I let her, although the wife doesn't think much of it - especially when we have guests :-)).

So_Sad_Angel

Cooking in the middle of the night ?? ....actually may try that rather than just sitting here unable to sleep!!

You made me smile there epsilondraconis ...imagining your cat waiting for opportunty to snatch food off your plate !! hilarious! ...Ive got 3 dogs & they `d have the plateful given half a chance.!!

Remember Jinks...things might be bad financially but make sure you keep you sense of humour!! easily forgot but sooo important.

Mr_Jinks_2

So_Sad_Angel wrote: »

Hi Jinks....(does that sound right??:D)

Angex

Hi Angel,
Yep,"Hi Jinks" sounds about right:D
High Jinks....which was about what I was doing with those cards.
Mr Jinks is a cat(I'm a cat person)who played cat and mouse with two "meeces",I played the same game with the credit cards with the same result.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pixie_and_Dixie_and_Mr._Jinks
And as Jinks always did I lost:o
Thanks for the welcome:T

Mr_Jinks_2

epsilondraconis wrote: »

I hope the breast of lamb tastes good, mmmm, I can almost smell it...

Well done with the post and finally coming to the BR decision. Its a tough call - one I hope I never have to make, but then again, none of us know quite what is around the corner.

Don't forget to save some lamb for your cat - I trust your cat isn't like ours where she helps herself from our plate (to be fair, I let her, although the wife doesn't think much of it - especially when we have guests :-)).

Mrs Moggy is quite well fed enough thank you:rotfl:
The previous moggy(I always have rescue cats)who passed away in 99 used to sit by the oven and "Meoow" every time I cooked a chicken and wouldn't rest until he got the carcase.
This one I've had nearly 10 years and now has almost no teeth.
Crispy breast of lamb isn't an option for her.
Okay it is as it just melts but I haven't told her yet:rolleyes:

Mr_Jinks_2

So_Sad_Angel wrote: »

this board is about finding a way through it & getting your life back.

Keep posting.

Angex

I came back to this thread not to bump it but because something stuck in my mind and I couldn't figure out what it was?
It was a simple saying that is echoed in the quote above and has unconsciously been my mantra for years without knowing how to accomplish it so I felt I was just talking to myself.
"I want my life back".

dalip

Wll hello jinks and welcome to this wonderful sanctuary:D .

Can say no more than angel has already said except try ringing your local court to see what sort of system they operate,how long you will have to wait to do the deed,how many copies of your SOA you will need.

You can have a look at the paperwork at www.insolvency.gov.uk also there is quite a comprehensive info booklet on bc.

If you are unemployed you will get £150 discount on the fees,,making it £345. If you have any credit left on any of your cards you could use that,the OR tends to turn a blind eye,or at the worst will just tut tut;) .

Hope you enjoyed that breast of lamb,we love it in our house too.

Any questions just fire away.Dxx

fiveyearplan

Welcome Jinx. I don't have anything to add as I think the other posters have said it all. As dalip says if you have any credit left on any of those cards take it to pay your fees.

startagain_2

Hi Jinks and Welcome to the board from me.:hello:

You have probably realised that you have found somewhere that you can get all the help, advice and support you could possibly need in "getting your life back"....
I can really identify with your story, we are of a similar age and similar circumstances. The difference is that I am a female but I too am highly qualified and once or twice in my life "had it all" only to have lost it all as well.
I now live in a HA flat, no assets, your cat is a hamster in my case (!) and I am doing a job that probably uses 20% of my skills and pays me 50% of what I was earning 20 years ago!!!
I tried to rescue myself and my situation by using credit and borrowing Peter to pay Paul and it reached a stage where I spent a number of years battling with dark thoughts and a head full of debt worries. At the beginning of December I found this board after a couple of weeks looking at the DFW board thinking I could pay my debts back (yeah right) and I was advised to go BR by the wonderful people on here, the CCCS, and the little voice in my head.
Within a month I was BR and it has completely changed my life, my thinking and my future. I haven't quite finished, my interview with the OR is on Monday but I am nearly there. I really do feel it is the way forward for you too. See it as the end of this bit of your life and the start of a new and much better life for you.
Different ways of thinking about things and a more positive attitude can open doors... one thing leads to another. I have taken up a hobby that had been out of my life for 15 years and it is great.
I am going to shut up now.... it is obviously going to be one of my "wordy" days.... but the best of luck to you, do keep posting, and I hope you and your gummy cat enjoyed the lamb .........

SA

scarednshakin

Hi Jinks

This is my first post as well. Have been reading all the stories on here for the past few weeks and had LBM. I am in much the same situation as you. Lloyds TSB seemed to love me too and got Platinum card and loan and lots of other cards in between!!!

Anyway after reading lots on here got in touch with CCCS and spoke to a great lady who advised me that the best course would be br. I live in Scotland so it is slightly different up here but have printed off the forms and am slowly going through them.

Hopefully one day we can look at this and not feel guilty. I feel that I have failed on so many counts, but at least my doggies still love me!! It can only get better, can't it