Paying the price for a year of stupidity...

findingmyownway

Afternoon all,

Well, i don't quite know what to say . I am soo uncontrollably angry with myself.

I posted on here a few years ago while i was a student struggling with money and then when i first started work and wanted to pay off the CC bills etc. A year ago, everything was pretty much ok - i had cleared the CCs and was well on the way to paying off my student overdraft. But all that changed when i split up with my OH (who i had lived with for 5 years).

None of the mess is his fault, it was a reasonably amicable split (as amicable as these things can ever be when he wanted me out of our house to shack up with his new bit on the side :rolleyes: ). Anway, he wasn't unreasonable financially and paid me out of the house. Brilliant! Now i had no debt and a few thousand in the bank for another house sometime in the future. Obviously if that were the case i wouldnt be writing this...

Single living took a lot of getting used to (i'm still not sure i am used to it now!). The crux of the matter is I have now spent the VAST majority of the cash, plus started to run up debts again :eek: :eek:

What am i going to do? I can't confess to anyone. My family think i have a nice sum and am waiting for the property market to look appealing. I earn a good wage and have no excuse for this stupidity. I feel like utter crap and worthless. I never thought i would be so stupid.

angelpye

Hey, all you can do is change it from today. So you have done some things that you really regret but it can't be undone!
LBM has arrived, sounds like you can afford to pay it off over time and save again. Hopefully you have some great memories and pretty things from your freedom spending spree to get you through this.
Telling people is up to you but hiding it can be tricky when you're no longer spending and you don't buy that new place as soon as they expect.
Chin up - its a new day!

lilian1977

Well done for coming here and asking for help.

First step is to fill this in: http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html - with a cup of tea, some chocolate and some cosy socks! Get all your paperwork out so you know your figures.

Then post it here, and lots of lovely people will appear with great ideas.

Good luck xx

TotallyBroke

Don't panic too much. You know what you have to do to get back on the right road. If you want to, post a soa using https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html but I'm sure it will be just a case of you disciplining yourself.

MrsPorridge

Hi

Just wanted to say well done for posting here today. You can start afresh from today. Try not to think about what happened before. Please not try to feel angry with yourself. You have taken the first most important step.

Elsas_mamma

First, give your self a pat on the back for getting back on here. The biggest step is recognising you need some help ( doesn't that always sound so patronising!!!).
Secondly, we all make mistakes and just because we have got ourselves out of a fix before, doesn't mean we won't get back into it again!
On the plus side, as you have done it before, you know what you need to do and how to do it.
Good luck
K

findingmyownway

Thanks guys, i do have a spreadsheet with bills etc in at home and so will post an SOA later.

You're right, i do know the theory of what i need to do - its putting it into practice that i need a kick up the !!!! for!

A lot of the problem lies with being single and not wanting to spend time at home on my own feeling bored and lonely. That leads to way too much time out spending with mates, which means i have a good time, but isn't ultimatley the road to a satisfying life! I have trouble saying 'no' quite a lot of the time!

Anyway, i think a spending diary will be useful too. Unfortunatly i have to get some petrol on my way home. I am going to outdoor fitness class tonight and we usually go to the pub after but I will just have cordial at 50p ish rather than a hot choc at £2 ish.

partickz

findingmyownway wrote: »

Thanks guys, i do have a spreadsheet with bills etc in at home and so will post an SOA later.

You're right, i do know the theory of what i need to do - its putting it into practice that i need a kick up the !!!! for!

A lot of the problem lies with being single and not wanting to spend time at home on my own feeling bored and lonely. That leads to way too much time out spending with mates, which means i have a good time, but isn't ultimatley the road to a satisfying life! I have trouble saying 'no' quite a lot of the time!

Anyway, i think a spending diary will be useful too. Unfortunatly i have to get some petrol on my way home. I am going to outdoor fitness class tonight and we usually go to the pub after but I will just have cordial at 50p ish rather than a hot choc at £2 ish.

You have cleared your feet before and will do it again no doubt. It is so easy to just fritter money away. Indeed, I could qualify for an honorary degree in Money Wasting!

Fortheloveofmoney

findingmyownway wrote: »

Afternoon all,

Well, i don't quite know what to say . I am soo uncontrollably angry with myself.

I posted on here a few years ago while i was a student struggling with money and then when i first started work and wanted to pay off the CC bills etc. A year ago, everything was pretty much ok - i had cleared the CCs and was well on the way to paying off my student overdraft. But all that changed when i split up with my OH (who i had lived with for 5 years).

None of the mess is his fault, it was a reasonably amicable split (as amicable as these things can ever be when he wanted me out of our house to shack up with his new bit on the side :rolleyes: ). Anway, he wasn't unreasonable financially and paid me out of the house. Brilliant! Now i had no debt and a few thousand in the bank for another house sometime in the future. Obviously if that were the case i wouldnt be writing this...

Single living took a lot of getting used to (i'm still not sure i am used to it now!). The crux of the matter is I have now spent the VAST majority of the cash, plus started to run up debts again :eek: :eek:

What am i going to do? I can't confess to anyone. My family think i have a nice sum and am waiting for the property market to look appealing. I earn a good wage and have no excuse for this stupidity. I feel like utter crap and worthless. I never thought i would be so stupid.

I think you should stop giving yourself a hard time. You've been through a relationship break up and had to start again. I've been where you are now and a lot of my debt came from getting myself "a life" (my mum's words and not mine).

You don't have to tell your family if you don't want to. It's not really anything to do with them.

You know what you need to do and you have the tools.

When I was going through my journey I never posted my SOA. One of the main reasons for this was the amount of spending money I allowed myself every month. It was far more generous than most people on here but I knew that I still needed to live my life as well as pay back the debts. I knew myself well enough to know that I would have fallen off the wagon had I tried to be too strict with myself. It worked for me. I became debt free in 2 years and didn't fall off the wagon once.

Good luck to you.

angelpye

Social life is definatley important - I have recently broken up with someone too. Luckily my friends are either saving for rainy days or clearing some debt too so we usually have dinner at eachothers houses, go for cheap meals (thanks for money off and bogof vouchers) and definatley drink while we get ready to go dancing so we spend less there! We plan to have a girlie cocktail night in soon which will be all the usual fun plus the added fun of playing all our favourite music. So ok, I am unlikely to meet the man of my dreams in my living room but I am clearing debt and naughtily allowed myself a little wekend away! Shhh, don't tell anyone!

MrsPorridge

Fortheloveofmoney wrote: »

I

When I was going through my journey I never posted my SOA. One of the main reasons for this was the amount of spending money I allowed myself every month. It was far more generous than most people on here but I knew that I still needed to live my life as well as pay back the debts. I knew myself well enough to know that I would have fallen off the wagon had I tried to be too strict with myself. It worked for me. I became debt free in 2 years and didn't fall off the wagon once.

Good luck to you.

I've just taken the decision to "up" my spending money each month as I just wasn't able to survive on the very low amount I had given myself. So what you have said there makes sense to me.