Family Troubles!!!

JoolzS

If that is your "nanna's" attitude then personally I would withdraw the invitation. Or maybe elope!

I don't know how old you are, but if you are young (compared to me) you'll probably see things differently. I was 29 when I got married and I absolutely knew that no petty family squabbles were going to ruin my wedding. At 22 (or any age from 18 to 28) I might not have been so strong.

From my experience I would say invite the people you want at your wedding and don't invite those you don't want at your wedding - if someone you invited won't come because you have/haven't invited someone else - then they simply aren't worthy of an invitation because they care more about themselves that you. At your wedding you only want people who care about you and your soon-to-be spouse. If they are more worried about family squabbles then they aren't worthy of being included in the happy occasion of your marriage.

Julie

val_84

Thanks for the advice, I think I will just let them get on with it. At least I have made the effort and if they dont want to thats their decision but they cant blame me and after this I think I stop making anymore effort as all I get is guilt trips.

Im 24 btw and I just thought that no matter what disagreements my mum was having my grandparents would overcome them at least for the day but hey ho, their loss.:rolleyes:

Oh and again with regards tot he other girl I will just grit my teeth and show Im better than her and at least with there being loads of other people there I wont need to spend anytime alone with her.

gill_81uk

I can see why you're annoyed - she has deliberately phrased it in a petty way - but try not to worry about it.

The main thing is that they are making the effort to come for the biggest part of your day - the actual ceremony and day reception. They probably don't really fancy staying for the evening bit, I know the older members of my family don't really like that bit unless there's somewhere quiet to sit!! You most likely wouldn't see much of them by then anyway as you'll be greeting anyone who is only coming in the evening and then hopefully having a good time dancing to what ever entertainment you are having!

Maybe you could suggest they could stay for the first dance and go after that?

rachfriar78

Val just remember it is your day and the two most important people will be there.Whatever you do don't feel guilty that your nan won't be there for the evening do, like others have said she will be there for the important bit, its just ashame but it won't spoil your day. Enjoy it, it's your moment to shine x

snugglepants

Ahhh I really feel your pain! My gran isn't even coming to the WEDDING let alone the reception, because I refused to invite her sick pervert of a husband who ruined my childhood. She's passed on a message through my parents that "she thinks she'll have to say no to the invite as she doesn't want to go alone" - even though the rest of the family will be there, so she would be able to go with any of them! And my dad isn't coming to either for an entirely different matter (and he hasn't told me either - when I asked my mother "so is dad actually coming then" she said "no....no I don't think he will be")

I understand how difficult it is and how painful....I know that on the day, no matter how hard I try not to think about it, their absences will be on my mind - especially my father's, because of the part he should play in our day. I think the key is to try and come to terms with the fact that your nanna doesn't want to come to the reception (so that you're not worrying about it on the day) and to tell her that if that's what she wants to do then it's up to her, but you're upset that she won't come (little guilt trip there ), and that of course there will be family there! (It sounds like she's trying to exclude you immediate family from the "honour" of being called her family, which is very silly for a woman of that age). I hope that she changes her mind, but if she doesn't then maybe you can take comfort from the fact that you wouldn't have to worry about tension between her and your mum? I really hope you have a wonderful day

As for that trollop of a woman - you have balls of steel to have her there!! Not because of any threat of her trying to make a move on your husband (to be) but for the fact that she'll probably try to wind you up in some stupid way. I wonder what HER fiance would think of that text! I think she wouldn't HAVE one if he found out! Now, if only there were a way of it getting back to him.......:rotfl:

Anyway, well done for keeping strong through that situation she put him in. And I think that you definitely should speak to your fiance about how you feel about what's happening with your family - now is not the time to be keeping feelings from him, especially if you're getting upset about it - if he thinks something is wrong and you're not opening up to him about what it is it will make him feel useless. Even though he won't fully understand how you feel, I'm sure he will be able to see it from your point of view and will be sympathetic and support you. He's going to be your husband, and communication is a huge key to a successful marriage

Sorry for yabbering on, and i hope at least a little of it will help you!

riggerz

Dont worry about how many people come to the wedding. I had 17 guests at my wedding (Parents and siblings from both sides)and it was amazing, really personal and intimate. We had the reception the next night and invited the rest of the family and friends to that. I wasn't worried one bit about upsetting people - that was what I wanted and if they didnt like it then thats their problem!!:D

val_84

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their advice, I have decided that they can do what they want. I received a letter yesterday from my aunt and uncle (not real aunt and uncle but family friends) I havent seen them in about 10 years and they are coming to the ceremony. They moved to Anglesey years ago and they are in their 70s and are still making the effort to come. Just shows how petty my grandparents are being so I dont care. All of my friends are making it as are my close family and they are all I need and will make my day.

After the wedding I will no longer have to see my grandparents again if I dont want and I will know that I made the effort and cant be blamed for any of it so I will be able to sleep at night )

val_84

snugglepants wrote: »

(It sounds like she's trying to exclude you immediate family from the "honour" of being called her family, which is very silly for a woman of that age). I hope that she changes her mind, but if she doesn't then maybe you can take comfort from the fact that you wouldn't have to worry about tension between her and your mum? I really hope you have a wonderful day

As for that trollop of a woman - you have balls of steel to have her there!! Not because of any threat of her trying to make a move on your husband (to be) but for the fact that she'll probably try to wind you up in some stupid way. I wonder what HER fiance would think of that text! I think she wouldn't HAVE one if he found out! Now, if only there were a way of it getting back to him.......:rotfl:

Anyway, well done for keeping strong through that situation she put him in. And I think that you definitely should speak to your fiance about how you feel about what's happening with your family - now is not the time to be keeping feelings from him, especially if you're getting upset about it - if he thinks something is wrong and you're not opening up to him about what it is it will make him feel useless. Even though he won't fully understand how you feel, I'm sure he will be able to see it from your point of view and will be sympathetic and support you. He's going to be your husband, and communication is a huge key to a successful marriage

Sorry for yabbering on, and i hope at least a little of it will help you!

Thanks for all your advice snugglepants its horrible isnt it? I would never dream of behaving like this which I think it why i find it so difficult to understand how people can. i find it an honour when people invite me to a wedding so would never dram of behaving like this.
I have spoken to my H2B as I tell him everything but he doesnt understand because his grandparents are amazing and would never behave like this (His grandparents will be at the top table with his and his grandma who is in her 80s is coming all the way up from devon) he also has relatives coming from Canada and my Nannas sister said its to fair to come 20mins :oS
Its all fun. lol.
Ive come to terms with it all now and its their loss as far as Im concerned.