Advice telling parents

80schild

I am 25 and live with parents and am looking to buy my first home with my boyfriend in June. The problem sounds silly but I am scared to tell my parents as in the past i have always been a bit silly with money (mostly cos i have never had any motivation to save it)
However, my bank gave me a mortgage offer no problem and looking at my outgoings and the fact my boyf will be paying money to me each month, it is certainaly affordable. However, I am not sure they will see it that way!
Any advice on how to tell them?

comping_cat

Im sure if you sit them down and explain what you have just put in your thread, they would be very proud of you, for sorting out past mistakes and being together enough to go out and be able to get a mortgage offer. Good luck on your first rung of the housing ladder!!!

jen_jen_2

show them your budget, make sure you have included savings and emergencies and that you have looked at the risks involved of lending the money eg interest rates may go up - we have x amount left for luxuries and we can afford it or we're getting a fixed rate.
also listen to their advice if offered, they will be offering it because they want the best for you not to tell you off

ooh its exciting - can i come to the housewarming :j

Lillibet_2

Don't want to throw a spanner in your works but will your b/f be paying you money (i.e rent?) or will he be paying part of the mortgage with his name on it? Because if it's the former have your solicitor draw up something when you complete on the house sale saying that he has no legal claim on any share of the house in the event of you splitting up (horrible I know) , otherwise if it's just a "arrangement " between yourselves he could have & might even force you to sell so that he can claim his share!. This might be one of your parents concerns & it is best to think through these problems before you say anything to them, then you will have any answers on hand & appear even more responsible!
Also, have you thought how you would meet the re-payments if your b/f was late paying one month etc?

Not casting any slurs on your relationship, which I'm sure is very good if you are looking at living together, just trying to see things from a parents angle & prepare you for their questions.

HTH;)

comping_cat

Lillibet wrote:

Don't want to throw a spanner in your works but will your b/f be paying you money (i.e rent?) or will he be paying part of the mortgage with his name on it? Because if it's the former have your solicitor draw up something when you complete on the house sale saying that he has no legal claim on any share of the house in the event of you splitting up (horrible I know) , otherwise if it's just a "arrangement " between yourselves he could have & might even force you to sell so that he can claim his share!. This might be one of your parents concerns & it is best to think through these problems before you say anything to them, then you will have any answers on hand & appear even more responsible!
Also, have you thought how you would meet the re-payments if your b/f was late paying one month etc?

Not casting any slurs on your relationship, which I'm sure is very good if you are looking at living together, just trying to see things from a parents angle & prepare you for their questions.

HTH;)

I agree very strongly with this, i made that very mistake, thought who i was with (and had 2 children with) would never do anything like that, but he took me for half of everything, even though he didnt put anything into a deposit or pay the mortgage for long, but as i hadnt specified when i added him to the mortgage how any profits would be split in the event of us splitting i got stung!!!! i would hate that to happen to anyone else!!!!

bury_2

Lillibet wrote:

Don't want to throw a spanner in your works but will your b/f be paying you money (i.e rent?) or will he be paying part of the mortgage with his name on it? Because if it's the former have your solicitor draw up something when you complete on the house sale saying that he has no legal claim on any share of the house in the event of you splitting up (horrible I know) , otherwise if it's just a "arrangement " between yourselves he could have & might even force you to sell so that he can claim his share!. This might be one of your parents concerns & it is best to think through these problems before you say anything to them, then you will have any answers on hand & appear even more responsible!
Also, have you thought how you would meet the re-payments if your b/f was late paying one month etc?

Not casting any slurs on your relationship, which I'm sure is very good if you are looking at living together, just trying to see things from a parents angle & prepare you for their questions.

HTH;)

She has already questioned this on another thread in housing ( rights over housing etc). They are engaged.

Cariad_3

You say you are 25 years old- well you are an adult and really don't need to tell your parents anything about your financial business.
Some of the suggestions above are excellent- you really do need to think about all possible worst scenario's and make sure you have protected yourself completely.
I wouldn't go into great detail - explain you are buying a house and that you have protected yourself fully and inform them that you will not be expecting them to financially support you. If I was a parent of an adult child I would just want to make sure that you can afford the mortgage repayments comfortably and that you have prepared and protected yourself from a worst case scenario. i.e if you lose your job, lose your boyfriend etc Mention that you visit this site for all financial advice- could score you a few brownie points!
Good luck!

MooseRich

I've had to tell my parents this weekend that I'm looking about for a place. It is hard, your parents won't want to see you go but should be proud that you're starting to move on. My stepdad told me that I was always welcome to come back if it didn't work and my mum said I didn't have to go and could stay until I was 50 if I wanted.

I showed them how much money I have left each month and roughly (using this very forum) how much everything should cost (in approximates of course). I worked out I have about £350 left each month and I'll be alone with a spare bedroom that I could always rent out.

Tell them in a professional manner, ask for help with the actual moving/decorating etc and I'm sure they'll be very proud and willing to help you in any way they can.

Good luck!!

robowen

Ask your parents first if they would like to knock a third off all their utility bills..and a third off the food budget too !

..when they say they would...tell them you're moving out :j

rob

can't wait till my kids move out...:doh:

Johnhowell

80schild wrote:

I am 25 and live with parents and am looking to buy my first home with my boyfriend in June. The problem sounds silly but I am scared to tell my parents as in the past i have always been a bit silly with money (mostly cos i have never had any motivation to save it)
However, my bank gave me a mortgage offer no problem and looking at my outgoings and the fact my boyf will be paying money to me each month, it is certainaly affordable. However, I am not sure they will see it that way!
Any advice on how to tell them?

Have your boyfriend on the mortgage as well, rather than just paying you his share. Can you afford the mortgage on your own? Draw up a legal document agreeing the share of the property to each of you taking in to account any deposit you are paying. Better safe than sorry.

John

Debt_Free_Chick

Whatever the financial arrangements are with your boyfriend/fiance .... you need to look at the household budget if the relationship goes sour. So ... if he moved out, could you still manage? If not, what would you do?

The finances might be OK on a joint budget, but what do they look like on a single budget?

This is something I would be thinking of, if it were my daughter telling me that they could manage.

HTH