anxiety: please help- dont know whether its my resonsibility to sort this out!

Marcheline

Hi again Dreamer. I think that Jo's right about Home Start, it might be a good first point of call. They say you can get their support for a variety of reasons, they don't necessarily need a referral from a GP or HV, see http://www.home-start.org.uk/needsupport/ for further info. there's no need for your sister to worry about an official environment with Home Start either, as the people who help are volunteers, who have children themselves. They will be unlikely to be able to help your sister with the underlying anxiety issue, but they might be able to help her access a health visitor/other groups.

With regard to getting your sister to access the help, I agree with others that she has to want to do it for herself, but I think you will be able to help her see there are a number of options open to her. I personally wouldn't email her the info, but each person's family is different, so you'll have to decide the best approach. Personally, I would call her and ask to visit her (maybe get someone else to take the kids out while you're there) and have a good long chat with her about things (obv emphasise that she's a good mum in every other way) and maybe go online together to look at the sites suggested?

jellyhead

Has she actually applied for school? Our deadline was in December but they vary across the country - nobody tells you though, and you don't get a letter, it's something you have to figure out for yourself.

Health visitors sometimes do a 3 and a half year health check - my boy is having one next week but none of his friends are, their parents have had letters saying they aren't getting them as routine but to contact the health visitor if they have any concerns.

If health visitors aren't doing checks (it seems to depend on who your GP is) and he is not already in nursery then I don't think anyone is going to notice whether he goes to school or not, to be honest

Krystaltips

If your nephew isn't registered for a school, there is a chance he will slip through the education net un-noticed... If you have children in the school system then remove them to homeschool you get follow ups, regulation and support. If you never register your children in the education system then you don't get the regulation and support...

dreamer09

thanks to all who replied, i really am very grateful to get some advice here. x

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle wrote: »

Will she go out with someone rather than alone? Just an idea as small steps, like as you say, a trip to the corner shop, but perhaps accompanied?

yes, she will go in my car, to a select couple of peoples houses, but she wont get in other cars- a taxis definately out- and i'm unsure as to whether she would even go in the nursery if i her drove there...
she has got very slightly better over the last 18 months- so i am hoping that with small steps things may improve.

jellyhead wrote: »

Has she actually applied for school? Our deadline was in December but they vary across the country - nobody tells you though, and you don't get a letter, it's something you have to figure out for yourself. If health visitors aren't doing checks (it seems to depend on who your GP is) and he is not already in nursery then I don't think anyone is going to notice whether he goes to school or not, to be honest

no, i dont think so, i dont even think shes registered him for playschool, but she says she has.. your second point is what i wondered. nobody seems to know either of them exists, so i fail to see how he'd missed at school. i wouldn't let it get to the stage where he doesn't go in september of course, but it does make you wonder.... anyhow i really do need to do some research and make some phonecalls here then. thanks everyone for all the great ideas and advice x

nalibz

Hi Dreamer,

Just saw this post and although I don't often frequent this board often, thought I may be able to help.

I work in a Primary Care Psychological Therapy Service and we deal with people with agoraphobia and a variety of panic/anxiety related disorders. If possible, get your sister to go to her GP and get referred for primary care treatment. This could take the form of groups, individual or even computer based sessions. If she's really seriously bad, it may be useful to have some anti anxiety medication in the short term.

I hope that helps, if you'd like any further information please feel free to ask!

n

ps. Primary care is the next step up from a GP, its an outpatient service meaning that your sister will just go in for sessions rather than live in an institution somewhere!

Savvy_Sue

In the first instance, is your sister going to need a home visit from the GP? Is she registered at a surgery anywhere? In theory, the midwife should have 'handed her on' to a HV, but if she's moved since then things may have slipped through the net.

Is it worth asking her how she sees things developing when he reaches school age? Can she work out which milestones she needs to work through, and what help she'd need to do this?

jellyhead

Does your nephew play with any other children? He might find it easier to start school if he goes to nursery or playgroup first. Is there a surestart centre near your sister?

My son's preschool nursery is in the surestart centre and they do all day childcare too. I don't know who sorts it out - health visitor or maybe social services - but some of the children get free childcare because their mum has a problem. If your sister wouldn't want to be without him for a whole session he could just do the 2.5 hours a day that he will get for free.

Children don't actually have to go to school, and even if they do the parent can keept them at home until year 1. If your nephew doesn't socialise much though I think going straight into year 1 might be a bit of a culture shock for him. Your sister could choose to home educate him, but again will he get enough time with other children and be able to make friends if he is home educated? What about exercise, does she take him to the park, swimming pools etc?

This is not your responsibility to sort out, of course not, but if you are able to help or ask somebody else to then this is a good time to do it. It can't be much fun for your sis either, I had a similar problem when my first baby was small but I was lucky and got better faster than she has.