Mortgage payment difficulty advice

silvercar

It is obvious that the work/ home lifestyle balance is important to you.

That either means working harder / better to get more money or reducing your spending.

beecher

incogni2 wrote: »

Because I don't think that it is a simple as me being right and you all being wrong, or the other way around.

I consider that there are multiple perspectives on the relationship between risk and reward that I have been trying (though obviously failing) to express. I agree entirely, that from a cautious and risk averse direction, the vast majority of the advice presented must be de facto correct. But I don’t agree that the opinions expressed represent the sum total of all possible accurate counsel. I believe that had I posted elsewhere (and the hint that this forum is concerned primarily with the saving of money is embodied in the URL, no?) that I might have received different yet equally valid responses.

I think you should spend less time trying to justify yourself and your actions, and more time learning how to survive on the equivalent of 18k after mortgage payments. Plenty of us do it, and I think you should join the real world. Alternatively you could just post somewhere else as you're clearly not getting the validation you seem to need.

incogni2

Some of this response is an extension of mine to silvercar above but I decided to place it here.

can I ask what you are hoping to achieve by posting on this thread?

I would agree that it was a mistake. I lurked for a while (indeed I lurked silently while buying the property originally) and felt that despite the title/URL, it did not necessarily represent an anti-debt cartel. To be honest, all I wanted was to get some fairly simple advice regarding my mortgage and the options the lender had provided me with. Nothing more nothing less.

You've received advice which you've dismissed, which is of course your choice.

If arguing counter to the prevailing view, or even playing devil’s advocate in order to gain a deeper understanding of the issues involved, is dismissal then that is true. The truth is that I will implement some of the advice but not all of it (perhaps even only a minority of it but still more than none). That is my choice, as you say, despite the fact that some posters (a minority) don’t appear to believe in choice – or assert that some choices, if freely made but not of their liking, characterise me irrevocably as either a fool or a knave.

But why keep coming back, and why keep focusing on topics which are nothing to do with saving money?

Because there were a number of responses which I felt deserved a reply which also had little or nothing to do with saving money. I do not accept that I have posted anything that when off-topic was not a direct response to an equally off-topic post. As I said earlier, from the narrow definition of what I had hoped for (and I accept the right of others to expand the focus of discussion), virtually every post has been at odds with my intention. Perhaps it was my responsibility to ignore the increasingly tangential nature of some discussion for which, if it was, I am sorry.

I genuinely don't understand why you would waste time on posting here when you have zero intention of acting on any of the advice you're given.

Well, again, I don’t accept that I have “zero intention”. Zero is an extreme and almost everything I’ve tried to state has been in objection to this extreme. I have said using previous posts and repeated in this one, that I really appreciate all advice (especially when given from a non-absolutist moral perspective) and I will go away, sift the advice and determine for myself what I want to do and what I hope to achieve. I can continue to eschew the one size fits all solution, yet still draw some value from what has been said.

Perhaps posting has been a waste of time, but for every poster there are many people who have simply viewed (and read) the thread. Now, it may be that all of them, without exception, agrees with the homogeneity of the response I have received but there may be others who don’t. Perhaps not everyone is super-saver material; perhaps not everyone, even amongst those who linger silently here, wants to be. I want the orthodoxy not to be everything and I wish that challenging that was met with less hostility. I would like to think that other people out there who are like me (and there must be a few!) – those who might be in the real, instant, screaming crisis kind of trouble that I do not appreciate that I am in – could post here and get the advice they need. But, ultimately, I have failed to do that and I think that some, just a few, may drop through the cracks because of it. Perhaps that is hubris; I really hope so because, if not, what is the purpose of this place?

Blunty

incogni2 wrote: »

But I don’t agree that the opinions expressed represent the sum total of all possible accurate counsel. I believe that had I posted elsewhere (and the hint that this forum is concerned primarily with the saving of money is embodied in the URL, no?) that I might have received different yet equally valid responses.

As you're looking for the widest possible counsel, have you thought about going for the "!!!!!! or bust!" approach?

Anyone who equates the chances of getting out of your position with the chances of winning the National Lottery must need some help.

If you've got a free afternoon, make an appointment with your local CAB, and chat through your options with them.

Good luck.

mikeopvc

incogni2 I think you need to wake up and smell the coffee, you seem more intent on snapping back at the posters in this thread than anything else.
These people are trying to offer what advice they can and when you see a post with something like:

Are you going to get out and get a job stacking shelves, working in a bar etc etc ?
your response is

No, I'm not.

well your attitude stinks in my opinion, I mean what's wrong with stacking shelves or working in a bar in order to make ends meet, us normal folk would do anything to keep our home but you won't make any sacrafices at all.
Your wife must be very understanding I must say because mine would have told me by now to:

"get off your backside and earn some money"

and that my friend is the best advice I can give to you

incogni2

mikeopvc wrote: »

you seem more intent on snapping back at the posters in this thread than anything else.

I've only snapped back at Spartacus and I think he can take it.

These people are trying to offer what advice they can and when you see a post with something like:

The quote you use is from a Spartacus post, I responded in the fashion you describe because of his previous posts.

Are you going to get out and get a job stacking shelves, working in a bar etc etc ?
your response is

No, I'm not.

well your attitude stinks in my opinion, I mean what's wrong with stacking shelves or working in a bar in order to make ends meet

It is just a straight-forward, simple response to the question.

I have never suggested that there is anything wrong with such employment. I the past, I have worked in plenty of bars. That doesn't mean that it is the right move for me at the moment. In previous post, I said that I have the option of extending my search and taking on a much longer potential commute. There are options and the longer commute is my current preference. That isn't meant to disparage or devalue the type of work suggested, it is just my choice.

incogni2

beecher wrote: »

I think you should spend less time trying to justify yourself and your actions,

When people stop asking for justification then I will stop trying to justify. Seriously, if you don't want me to respond, then don't post on the thread.

Plenty of us do it, and I think you should join the real world.

I'm sure you do. Many people survive on very little money (or a quite reasonable amount in the case of the figure stated). My parent survive entirely on their fairly meagre pensions. I understand that you think I should join the real world but (probably due to being an imbecile, as stated above), I'm just not that keen.

Alternatively you could just post somewhere else as you're clearly not getting the validation you seem to need.

If I were that needy, I don't think I'd still be posting here! Message understood however - once this post is dead, I will move on.

incogni2

silvercar wrote: »

It is obvious that the work/ home lifestyle balance is important to you.

That either means working harder / better to get more money or reducing your spending.

Well, I guess that the balance is important - is it not to everyone?

I think that it just means working more (or reducing spending).

seraphina

I don't know why I'm bothering to post this because you won't take any notice of me.

Stop arguing with people, and start doing something to help you and your family. You can justify your actions until the cows come home but I think we'll see your wife posting on DFW in 6-9 months wondering how to stave off repossession/deal with a husband who is incapable of spending within his means and won't take responsibility for his actions.

Of course, it's up to you. I hope I'm wrong about the above. Maybe you'll get lucky and a fab contract will come in so you can massage your ego in the comfort of your own home, whilst watching your sky and smoking your tabs. But I doubt it.

Just make sure your fish go to a good home when the (almost) inevitable happens.

beecher

incogni2 wrote: »

When people stop asking for justification then I will stop trying to justify. Seriously, if you don't want me to respond, then don't post on the thread.

I have time to post on these boards as I'm in work, and not in a pretty desperate situation. I honestly don't understand why you spend time on here when you could be sorting out a Statement of Affairs and getting the advice you need on the Debt Free Wannabee forums.

You say you're 'just not that keen' to join the real world, which I think sums the whole thread up to be honest.