Sad, hurt and what now??

ceebeeby

Hi MSEer's (unhappy sigh)

I didn't know where to go ....

Yesterday was a whole horrible year rolled into one as I sat with a very very much loved relative as she died .... then to make it just that little bit worse along came another (after the actual death) and started completely taking over (I'd been with dying relly for over 24 hours without a break so wasn't up to arguing), honest to god, first lovely relly was still warm and this second one wanted to take first ones wedding ring off of her (I did put stop to this with lovely hospital staff). It turns out first relly was actually rather well off, and I think second relly is after this ... (past experience and a mystery disappearing will from a previous death in family which left everyone with nothing except questions / and she demanded the same amount of money be paid to her as was paid out for her brothers funeral (only found that out yesterday) - and got it!!).

This morning I was ready to walk away from the whole sordid yukky business and take my family just for a quiet memorial service somewhere to remember relly (now have no-one left on that side of the family except her), but hubs got cross and said no, not fair on our kids etc. (inheritance in region of £300k) and not what first relly would have wanted. Got to keep peace out of respect for past rellys.

So not in frame of mind for confrontation etc. and sod the dosh (nice but not neccessary), why are people like this .... I can't even cry I'm so hurt by it all - and what on earth should I do ....

(Nuther big sigh)

libra10

No advice to offer, but at least your conscience will let you sleep at nights.

Sending you best wishes for the future

pandas66

((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

people at a time like this can be animals, I hope theres a will and all is in order.
For now have a drink, have a lie down and then you'll feel better, just keep in mind what you know to be the best tribute to and for your relly. Do your best with love and you'll have no regrets in a couple of weeks or months.

Best Wishes and Love and Strength to you and your family
Pandas

Becles

No advice to offer sorry.

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope it works itself out soon.

*hugs*

MATH

This is so common and such a shame that a sniff of money brings out the worse of human nature. Listen to hubby and take strength from him, he has your best interests at heart and he's right when he says your relly would want you to have what you are entitled to. Your dignified, ungrasping remembrence will show all others with less honourable motives up for what they are.
Remember your money grabbing relly is poor in spirit and will never know the wealth of loving memories you have in you heart. I know of a few people who have grasped, fleeced and stole bequests and it has brought them no happiness in the long run. You truely do reap what you sow.

Wishing you peace

MATH

Lillibet_2

Been there, done that, don't talk to said relatives in question any more which is a really sad state of affairs. Give it time, remain dignifed & remember your loved on fondly. Your strength to resolve this will return, probably a lot sooner than you imagine. Continue dealing with things the best way you can, be firm and don't allow yourself to be bullied. If necessary ask Hubby or another to think laterally, like changing house locks/obtaining copy of will or legal requeirements in absence of/advising others of arrangements (this will make a difference to others who may take advantage) etc so that nothing can "go amiss" until the situation is resolved. Also ask someone (again Hubby?) to watch your back & to be the person in control, advising others of arrangments etc. If you don't appear to be to vunerable then others may not be so ready to exploit the situation.

Hugs & deepest sympathies.

mountainofdebt

Sadly been there and wearing the t-shirt on that one.

As everyone has already said take time out to grieve and get hubby to do silly little things that need doing.

I know people have suggested changing the locks but to be honest, in my situation at least, it was a better idea to actually remove the items that you wouldn't want to go 'missing'.

You will come through this .....

ceebeeby

Thanks Guys,

Quick update, Lovely relly had fab solicitor who went round to property this afternoon and 'locked' it up (after removing couple of valueless sentimental items that I wanted to give to lovely relly's closest friends - really were not of any value so other one can't have a go ....) pending executors getting involved - thank goodness (whisper on the grapevine was that yukky relly is on her way to property tomorrow with view of 'tidying up' so solicitor got there first). Honestly gives me the heeby jeebies 'cos wanted to suggest to undertaker that I go and find lovely relly nice outfit to wear in coffin (did something similar for father not long ago), but then thought, blimey, what if they think I'm after something else (might just go and buy lovely relly outfit from Markies - she loved all thing M&S, and know she would want to look gorgeous - she always did). (Nother big sigh) ..... just makes me feel really sad :-( because I have so much doubts about yukky relly, but then with good intentions I'm wanting to do things that she's trying to do, but with what I'm suspecting is naughty intentions. One of lovely rellys best friends called me tonight and said very nice things and that "everyone's" upset about what yukky relly's doing .... oh I don't know!! Don't want in-fighting, and need to create peace for lovely rellys sake.

Anyway, hubs bought me Sims 2 game today to 'keep mind occupied' and it keeps bloomin' speaking to me in Spanish instead of English so I'm off to post that quandry somewhere else (talk about big and small problems!!)

Thanks again everyone, you're so fab xxxx

Mado

"Money doesn't make hapiness" has been around for some time but some peeps seem to have forgotten simple sayings.

Let the bad relly have a slice of the cake and forget about him/her. Not worth your troubles really!

System

If its any concelation (sp) my GFs family had issues with a family member. Basically this family member was a druggie and he even stole from his own mother who has terminal cancer. He even planned the wake in a pub that had a bookies next door so he could place his bets

Now he has taken to turning up at peoples houses unannounced and taking items when people arent looking. Yet another relative who is dying from cancer (less than 3 months by the best estimates) had him turn up at 11.30 pm (after his chemo and he was sick and tired) and stole a camara the family had bought him to record his last memories for his children. Its irreplacable. Prolly just sold for enough for a hit

Basically there is lowlife everywhere, just be thankful you are not part of it.

mummysaver

Sorry to hear about your relative dying - it must be very hard for you and all friends and nice rellys at the moment.

Take heart, it seems that a good solicitor is on the case, and he will solve a mountain of problems for you, as no doubt he has the will and executors have probably been named, this will stop any queries from your grasping relly. Let your hubby speak to this relly if she contacts you, that way you will not be so upset by her, it'll probably be harder for her to make things difficult for him.

We all have rellys who look to the money, have just discovered two of mine who are very interested in a will that an older relly has written, would never have believed it of them, but we're all different. Hopefully you and your family have lots of lovely memories, and you can all share these, something that the other relly probably won't be able to do if she's upsetting so many people.

Remember, you aren't responsible for keeping the peace, just try avoidance, and if all else fails refer any difficulties or problems rellys to the solicitor. Your much loved one is in a better place and can no longer be hurt by what anyone says or does, though we all wish for a dignified exit and fond memories, sometimes events conspire against us.

I hope that everything goes well, and that all is resolved for you. Best wishes for the future and for the funeral. xxx