Am I being unreasonable?

onetomany

omg your a great sister and freind it seems you are a lovely supportive family, in this world we have to make are own mistakes so i woukd just tell her how please you are for her and keep on good terms with her so if it does go wrong she will contact you but if i fell out with someone i wouldnt contact them as im tooooooooo stuborn, i like the idea of having the plane fare home just incase, but look on the bright side if they go into married quarters and it didnt work out im sure the army would help her get home, its better than moving in the middle of nowhere, aslo what does your nieces dad say about this ? if they was married i think its against the law to take your neice without permission, take care hun

Errata

or is this arrangement only if he gets somewhere nice in the usa?"

Is he an American ? If he is, would she be able to enter the USA?

Curious_George_2

Thanks everyone

its not the rushing into bit that worrys me really, we are an impulsive family with a track record of running head first into relationships,
with my ex we moved in on the very first day and managed 10 mostly very happy years, with my OH now we hadnt been together very long before talking marriage and babies, and that was very much like my sisters situation... OH lived 300 miles away, sisters bloke is currently stationed in germany, OH would travel every weekend to be with me, sisters bloke does much the same
so i do understand that part....
but at no time (and definitely only 6 months in when they have probably only spent what adds up to a month of real time together) would i have considered moving to the other side of the world, especially with a young child,

to answer a few questions, she is 40 this year (mid life crisis anyone?)
yes she has been a single mother all my nieces life, the father is a waste of space who could not be tracked down if your life depended on it, he is not named on the BC, she hasnt had a lot of luck with men and tends to fall in love then get bored very easily.
i have no idea what he actually does in the army, or why the USA may even be an option (ive heard 'canada' pop up too, it did seem weird)

im not going to tell her what to do, no one has the right to do that (and who wants to hear all that from a younger sibling?) I have literally nothing to say that she wants to hear, so ive said nothing,
i just cant help thinking if she goes ahead with this marriage of convinience its going to be a huge mistake, for her and my niece,

Lois_and_CK

Curious_George wrote: »

im not going to tell her what to do, no one has the right to do that (and who wants to hear all that from a younger sibling?) I have literally nothing to say that she wants to hear, so ive said nothing,
i just cant help thinking if she goes ahead with this marriage of convinience its going to be a huge mistake, for her and my niece,

You're absolutely right. And if you did say something, she's very unlikely to agree with you - more likely she'd get defensive and you would risk falling out with her. Either way, she'd do it anyway.

Support her, bite your tongue and tell her congratulations, and make sure she knows you're always on the other end of the phone if she needs you. You sound like a very good brother and uncle - worried, concerned for their welfare and happiness. I think you're doing the right thing.

manda1205

OMG, do we have the same sisters or something! Because the person you've described is my sister down to T, even meeting a bloke from the army on facebook!
My only advice is, from my experience, to keep your mouth shut and just let them get on with it. I've totally given up on trying to help or give my view on things with my sister!

Curious_George_2

sorry about the understandable confusion with the name... but im most definitely female!

our family is severly emotionally repressed....i doubt i will ever say what i really think!

Girlzmum

I remember my mum saying that there was no point telling me a bloke was wrong for me because I'd have dug my heels in and stuck with him! Let her know that you support her no matter what she decides to do but try to talk to her about cutting herself off from the family. I know that I was engaged after 3 months and people were horrified, 10 years later we're still together and very happy - when its right you just know.

Paparika

Be aware that this is love and she will come around eventually.

or if he is they type that is manipulative he is cutting her off from her family, if this is the case make it known to her that what ever happens and what ever is said that you will ALWAYS be there for her. This could be domestic abuse and she may not be allowed to visit. you need to make it clear that if she makes a break from him in the future that she can rely on you.

Lois_and_CK

Curious_George wrote: »

sorry about the understandable confusion with the name... but im most definitely female!

our family is severly emotionally repressed....i doubt i will ever say what i really think!

oops, sorry! Sister and Auntie is, of course, what I meant!!

wannabe_sybil

I hope that I am not saying the wrong thing but could you get in touch and show positive enthusiasm for the wedding and the army gentleman in question - sincerely happy and genuinely interested in the new man? There is a saying that 'he was warned against the woman, she was warned against the man and if that can't make a marriage then there is nothing else that can.' I have always found enthusiasm from my family very dampening when it comes to my love life.

Also, you are a really good person to look out for your sister, and I am sure she will really appreciate this, no matter what happens.