Drink/drugs in my home?

sparrer

I'm not sure where this goes but no doubt will be advised if it's wrong...
Last night I went out to visit some friends and got back early. My lodger, 17, had asked previously if I was going out and I told him yes. I arrived home at approx 9.30pm to hear shrieks of laughter and shouting from his room...that's okay, his friends are nice kids and why shouldn't they enjoy themselves?

However, his friends (3 of them) were coming and going until almost midnight. I was on the point of going upstairs to speak to him quietly but his friends finally left as I was about to.

This morning the house stinks of alcohol, and possibly another substance I'm very dubious about (not just ordinary cigs). The lad has gone to work, he's a good boy and sometimes goes 7 days a week, but I was so suspious I did what I said I'd never do - went into his room without prior agreement. It's covered in empty wine bottles and it, and the landing, stink of stale alcohol, and there's also a very tiny bubble pipe which looks to have been used recently.

I'm not a prude and understand these things happen - I'd rather he did it at home than in the street, but I did point out to him when he moved in 3 months ago there's to be NO alcohol in the house (I've been in recovery almost 4 years) and more recently I was diagnosed COPD so he agreed no more smoking indoors and has/had almost stopped himself.

I've had teens myself but never had this situation with them. In this climate I don't want to lose a good lodger or the very important income it gives me, so I'm not sure how to handle it. Do I just confront him and say I've been into his room? Do I let it go this time? Do I just have a quiet word and ask him, knowing full well that a 17 y/o will deny it? Any advice would be helpful, thank you in advance

ecoelle

I don't think you need to admit to having been in there, you don't need to have been in there to be able to smell alcohol and smoke so just say to him that you know he's been smoking in the house (no need to say what) and you're not happy about it you had an agreement and you'd like him to stick to it.

lilac_lady

If you don't say anything it'll happen again. I agree that you shouldn't tell him you looked in his room.

bookduck

"Landlords and the Misuse of Drugs Act

The Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 (MDA) creates offences including production, possession and supply of drugs. It also creates offences relating to the occupier and managers of premises. It is this last part which is of greatest importance to Landlords."

Basically if you 'know', you are committing a crime!

http%3a//www.drugsandhousing.co.uk/Tenants%2520and%2520Drugs%2520-%2520Guidance%2520for%2520Landlords%25202006.pdf

feelinggood_2

Does he know why you have the no alcohol rule? That'd influence how I'd handle the situation.

I agree that you don't need to mention that you've been in his room. Just say that you are concerned that he might have forgotten about the no drink/drugs/smoke rule, and if he could please remember that it is for a good reason. Perhaps if you say to him that you aren't passing judgement and not want to stop him, but it isn't something you can have in your home, so if he could please remember to respect that, you'd appreciate it.

kitschkitty

feelinggood wrote: »

Does he know why you have the no alcohol rule? That'd influence how I'd handle the situation.

I agree that you don't need to mention that you've been in his room. Just say that you are concerned that he might have forgotten about the no drink/drugs/smoke rule, and if he could please remember that it is for a good reason. Perhaps if you say to him that you aren't passing judgement and not want to stop him, but it isn't something you can have in your home, so if he could please remember to respect that, you'd appreciate it.

I agree totally.

boombap

I think maybe disuade him from having his chums round - he's unlikely to be drinking etc by himself so probably only does it when he has company. Be removing the company you aviod accusing him of taking substances.

You can say that his you were kept up by the noise it created.

Just a thought,

s.

kitschkitty

I think I'd be more put out by being asked not to have friends round personally, and it's avoiding dealing with an important issue that needs to be addressed, if the rules were mentioned in the first place then it's just a friendly reminder.

sparrer

Thank you for all your replies, you've really just confirmed what I was thinking so your feedback is a great help.

Yes he does know why the no alcohol rule, in fact shows interest in the illness of alcoholism - we've discussed it, lightly, on a couple of occasions. He's a good lad with nice friends who it's a pleasure to have in the house and I feel sure last night was nothing more than a few kids letting their hair down which is perfectly natural. As I mentioned, at least they did it here in the safety of the house and not in the street.

Having said that I know he needs to be reminded of the house rules as agreed when he moved in, so I'll speak with him when he gets in and we sit and chat over a cuppa. He had a tough time as a child and responds to my 'mothering' so I'd hate him to feel he's not wanted.

Bookduck I appreciate your link but I don't 'know' if they were taking drugs as it never happened when my children were at home. I wouldn't want the situation to get heavy or out of hand as it is, I hope/believe, only this one time.

Thanks again for the confirmation of the right way to approach him
Sparrer

Gingham_Ribbon

I can understand him wanting to party, but he's living with someone who, for extremely good reasons, can't have alcohol or smoke in the house, so what he's done is out of order. And you could get into trouble legally too because of the cannabis.

I think you have to tell him that if it happens again he'll have to leave. You don't need to tell him you were in his room. Just tell him that you could smell them and that you find it very upsetting to have to deal with things that could hurt you in your own home. If he doesn't get the message, he needs to find somewhere else to live pronto, nice kid or not.

Primrose

Don't admit that you've been in his room but confront him immediately, tell him that you suspect you can smell alcohol and another substance. If he denies it, then ask him to let you see his room immediately so that he has no time to clear it up but it still looks as if you've been respecting his privacy. Tell him he's been a good tenant, but remind him why you instituted the rules that you have and that you expect him to abide by them in future, otherwise he'll have to look for somewhere else to live.