Being taken to court by my own father.

RAS

carkeyz wrote: »

He enclosed an email I sent him thanking him for giving us the money and that we really appreciated it and we were going to get our other financial affairs in order and arrange payment plans with our other creditors.

That rather make the point doe it not

lemma1968

He says that you have not paid him anything since August 2008 - is that right?

If yes, why did you stop paying him? And did he agree to a payment break? If no, how much have you paid him and at what frequency?

Is his description of agreements reached, amounts and dates etc accurate?

Did he say by what date the van had to be sold or was it kept open ended?

Lots of questions but you will need to know the answers to them when you see a solicitor.

combo81

It seems like you have crossed wires. Did you actually agree a schedule of payments, I dont think you can claim it was a gift if you have already paid some of it back.

carkeyz

He didnt want it back to begin with but we paid some of it back to be nice but told him we couldnt afford it once we found out about bump and he said that he didnt want it back and to think of it as a gift.

The van is rubbish, he gave us the money for that full stop.

The list of debts he said he paid off is also incorrect as most of them are being paid off on our DMP!

justruth

Hate to play devils advocate here and I may get slated for this, but perhaps look at it from your dads POV. He has barely had a relationship with you for all these years, he finds he has cancer and tries to make ammends. You fall out again and he goes off thinking that the only reason you were nice to him was so that you could have his money if he died. I'm not saying that is what happened but just trying to understand where he is coming from.

As your dad paid off so much of the debt I can understand him thinking that you should be in a better position now to pay him back.

My suggestion for all it's worth is to find some money each week, at least £5 and pay him off. Then at least you will not feel that you owe him anything. I have only recently agreed to accept help from my parents financially (not even financially really), but even there I have been sure to document the full agreement and would sooner crawl to work on 2 broken legs than have them say I went back on any part of it.

Write to him detailing your understanding of the agreement and that the reduced repayment was not a permanent fixture but just until you return from maternity leave. Express to him that you are saddened that your relationship deteriorated like this and that in due time you will return the amount you owe him (I would even include the van, not very MSE but very healthy for drawing a line under this relationship).

As long as you pay him a small amount each week, even if it does go to court, there is not much more he can do about it. The only way he would be able to claim anything back on the van would be to attempt to get it back through the court. He would need to have a CCJ against you to do this, which as mentioned probably wont happen.

carkeyz

Its happened. I made offer of payment of £5 and he rejected it. I told him that was all I can afford as on DMP and have started maternity leave so have lost 500/600 a month but recieved court claim papers today.
Have spoken to debt management company and they have advised my offer was reasonable due to my circumstances and they are happy to prove that if need be and to just offer it again on court documents.
CCJ here we come

And with regards to the above comment. My dad doesnt feel like this. He has made it perfectly clear that he is just a nasty peice of work and has even resorted to spying on me and my mum, which I think proves he is a nasty man. He and anyone else who knows me will vouch I am a soft touch and to be honest should have not helped him when he was ill..... sounds harsh but everyone said it will end in tears and once again they were mine but I wont be wasting any more tears on him now. As far as I'm concerned I tried to do the right thing by being the only person there when he was undergoing this horrible treatment. When he was going through his treatment he had no money and I obviousy didnt know he was going to come into it. I did it out of the goodness of my heart and to be honest am quite upset I have had to justify my actions when I thought I was doing the right thing.

RAS

Hi

Is you DMP with one of the debt charities or Payplan. if not you might want to swap as they do not charge fees.

And there is another thread n a similiar situation here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1473477.

CrystalM09

You borrowed the money from him so why on earth wouldn't you pay him back? Sorry but it doesn't make a blind bit of difference whether you're 6 months pregnant or not. If you're having a child that's your choice and as a parent you will need to start taking financial responsibility and that means paying the debts you owe!!!

Just because your father left your mother when you were young does not mean that you somehow deserve to steal money from him. Not paying someone back when you agreed to (and by your own admission you insisted on paying him back so that was the agreement you made) is tantamount to STEALING!

And for the person who said that he owes her more than what she's already had? That's the job of the CSA no?? Now I know from personal experience that they don't always get it right but not getting child support doesn't make it ok to go against an agreement you've made with someone.

I find it completely unbelievable that so many people on here have agreed with you!

:mad:

RAS

Yes

You are missing quite a lot.

Please read Martin's advice to posters on this forum and leave unless you can respond with tact and kindness.

Dear MoneySavers.... Debt Free Wannabee is one of my favourite boards on this site. It's also one which runs a delicate balance. Many people who have serious debts have hidden them for a time, been scared to confront them, suffered depression or have even had suicidal thoughts because of them. While elsewhere on the site robust discussion is welcomed, in Debt Free Wannabee may I politely ask MoneySavers to err on the side of kindness. Of course many are in debt due to over-spending, financial illiteracy, or mismanagement of money (and some through no fault, only due to change of circumstance). Yet the fact they are here means they're looking for help, guidance and to take charge of their finances - and that in itself is admirable Please use your knowledge and kindness to help rather than to berate. This board often has the power to move me to tears with the sheer power of the community that's grown and I hope it will continue. If you feel it’s important to point something out that the poster may find negative but needs to understand, then it's not a problem, but do think carefully about your phrasing - people can be very sensitive and nuances may mislead when it’s in an online Forum.

carkeyz

CrystalM09 wrote: »

You borrowed the money from him so why on earth wouldn't you pay him back? Sorry but it doesn't make a blind bit of difference whether you're 6 months pregnant or not. If you're having a child that's your choice and as a parent you will need to start taking financial responsibility and that means paying the debts you owe!!!

Just because your father left your mother when you were young does not mean that you somehow deserve to steal money from him. Not paying someone back when you agreed to (and by your own admission you insisted on paying him back so that was the agreement you made) is tantamount to STEALING!

And for the person who said that he owes her more than what she's already had? That's the job of the CSA no?? Now I know from personal experience that they don't always get it right but not getting child support doesn't make it ok to go against an agreement you've made with someone.

I find it completely unbelievable that so many people on here have agreed with you!

:mad:

I have stolen nothing from him. He at the begining said he didnt want it back and then accpeted payments as I deposited them straight into his account he didnt have much choice. He then again when we realised we couldnt pay it back - the GIFT he GAVE us said again that he didnt want it back.

No offence but I have come on here for advice as a now 8 and a half month pregnant absoloutly petrified women who is not only having to deal with the whole debt thing but also having to deal with the fact that no matter what I have done with regards to my father all my life he has still been an !!!!.

All I can think is that you have your own personal problems that may have had some similaities but I refused to be upset by your rude response.

With regards to the CSA no matter what my mother did they never once helped her find him when he did his disappearing acts and he made one payment through them... well one payment ever ... to my mother and they still didnt do anything despite my mother chasing them and chasing them.

I hope that if you ever have a problem and you feel you need advice that people arent as judgemental and rude as you were and you get the advice you needed and you think back to how your words may have effected people reading this post, not just me but potentially other people in a similar situation who now wont post and get the advice they need.