I really hate myself for getting in debt sometimes!

angeldiva

(Sigh) although my boyfriend knows I'm in debt, he doesn’t know I'm on a DMP and I defaulted on all my cards/loans he thinks that I just have one massive loan which I'm paying off.

When I met him I didn’t want to make myself less appealing by revealing how bad I used to be with money and I was just hoping I would pay it off and that would be that. I was embarrassed about my situation and felt so ashamed. He is excellent with cash and has excellent credit and no debts.
The thing is now we are thinking about moving our relationship forward getting married and getting a place together as soon as the economy gets better. We both live in one bed roomed flats (mortgaged) but they are so so tiny and both of us have out grown them so we would want to move in together somewhere else and in a two bedroomed.

I'm hoping to pay it off all the debt by the time that comes but I was wondering, because I defaulted on my loans when the time comes will my past affect our ability to get a mortgage together? Will we just get refused? Will they say 'its your credit'.

I'm sitting here thinking that this whole debt journey has now ruined my entire future as well. I really hate myself for getting in debt sometimes!

AlwaysWorking

I think you need to give yourself a break - yes you made mistakes when you were younger, but you're obviously working hard to get out of debt and are doing brilliantly going by your signature!!

You need to take a deep breath and be honest with your boyfriend. Tell him what you owe..because the mortgage advisor will ask you all of that anyway and I'm sure you would prefer to tell him in privacy (I hadn't and was VERY embarrassed telling a stranger infront of my poor shocked bf). If you're talking about getting married he obviously loves you very much and will know how good you are with money now so how you handled it in the past isn't a relevant as it would be if you were still shopping to you dropped every weekend!

If you haven't already, get a copy of your credit report to see how it looks. Having debt will make it more difficult for you to get a mortgage but since you are holding off to the economy improves, this will give you a chance to get more paid off your debt and your defaults etc will be further in the past!

angeldiva

Thank you so much!! AlwaysWorking.

He knows I owe that amount he just thinks it’s a loan which I'm paying off and doesn’t realise I defaulted on anything or that its loads of different loans.

Getting my credit report is a fantastic idea, I think I'm going to do that just to see what I'm dealing with.

lxpeanut

I think you need to be honest with him. Tell him you got into a bit of a mess and you have some defaults. He already knows the amount so at least he doesn't have that shock.

I know how you feel hating yourself. I'm sure most of us on here have had moments when we've felt like that. But don't punish yourself for past mistakes when you've got so far in putting them right. Along with telling about the defaults also tell him how well you've done in paying things off. I'm sure he'll be proud of you for facing your problems.

Mrs_Jones22

Don't beat yourself up.

When i first moved into my house i ran up over £20k of debts then re mortgaged, done it again and then re mortgaged again. in the end was nearly £40k.

I am disgusted i got myself into that, but you have to accept the things you have done, you can't change them.

I was so down for a long time, but i just decided to sort them out, now i am on my final leg of being debt free (apart from my mortgage) once you start to see them going down its a great feeling.

I have got my credit file today, and its not a pretty site, but it means i cnat get anymore debt and i live by my means.

Things will sort them selves out.. :beer:

ElusiveLucy

I think you've done really well so far in recognising that you'd got yourself in a mess and are now getting yourself out of it. I really think you ought to tell your boyfriend though, because it is going to come out at some point and its a lot better coming from you now than sitting in front of a mortgage advisor, as a previous poster said.

As someone who has been in a relationship with someone who couldn't control their spending, I know I would much rather have a relationship with someone who has been there and is getting themselves out of debt, than with someone who can't face up to it and take responsibility.

Looking at your signature you have done really well in the last 2 years, so keep up the good work and let your boyfriend know how you've got yourself out of a difficult situation - be proud of what you have done so far.

Mrs_Jones22

You have paid off nearly £10.5 k in 2 years your doing great keep going!!!

graemecarter

Things will be ok.

Speak to your partner truthfully, and I am sure he will understand

sarahs999

My partner came clean about £10k of outstanding debt before we got married. If he'd not told me and I'd found out afterwards I would have been beyond livid. In teh end we just readjusted what house we could afford and paid it off when we got a mortgage together. You must be completely honest - no way to go into a marriage with secrets.

mags33_2

Hi there

Dont be so tough on yourself we all make mistakes and the fact that you are doing something about is a bonus

Its hard work trying to get debt free and some companies make life a misery but if you stick with it and also see your debt going down means you are getting somewhere,

Not a lot of people know about mine as yes i am ashamed of it but im also happy that iv paid some of it off.

So give yourself a hug and please dont beat yourself up about it

angeldiva

Awww thanks for that, everyone perhaps I'm just having one of those days.

It seams to be taking forever to get this debt down and I really don’t want to go into a marriage or have children with debt.

I will try and keep my head up , at least he knows the amount..and he still wants to be with me… there is hope for me yet.