Head in the sand partner

Thrugelmir

Keep your money in your own name. Transferring money to an account to pay joint bills etc. The mortgage and debts all in his name. As harsh as it seems, if he refuses to face reality, then let reality happen sooner. Postponing the envitable doesn't have any benefits.

Takingthelead

We each have our own money and I pay the household bills that are in my name, water, electricity etc. He pays the mortgage, his loan and the rent on our current property.

Being a discharged bankrupt myself means that I have very little debt (just a £2000 loan) no overdraft etc and if I don't have the money then I don't buy it. Only problem is that the more time he takes burying his head then the bigger the strain on my finances as I'm self employed and finding it hard myself at the moment to pay the bills.

claudiac_2

I am a newbie to this site and have spend days reading other people's experiences, and its true what they say.. every case is different.
Reading Head in the Sand, struck the cord which made me pluck up the courage to write my first reply.

I was made bankrupt for a relatively small problem, which if I had dealt with at the time would have meant not going BR in the first place!
I put my head in the sand for a long time, before getting to the stage of having to stump up £3000 to get the sherriff officer off my back, and getting my partner to give me the money. It would have been fine from then on if I had stuck to the planned payment but of course I didn't, time went on and one day I got the letter telling me I was BR.

All that is bad enough but I kept all this to myself, my long suffering man hadn't a clue what was going on. It was easy enough cos he went out to work early and never saw the mail before me.. Until one day about two months ago, he was paid off from his job and so was home all day, while I went to work. Came in one night and he calmly asked what this letter was about. Turns out he is also BR through no fault of his own. He did a fair bit of ranting and raving and saying what was on his mind, but to be honest his reaction was nowhere near as bad as I had imagined it would be. He still loves me, and we will not be splitting up, he wont run and tell the kids, our family and friends, or do any of the other nasties which would be fully justified in the situation.
The point is, I thought when he found out we would be finished, and some might say we should be, but my life is not over, its just beginning. I don't wake at all hours, i don't feel sick at the pit of my stomach, my headaches have stopped, and I don't walk around rehearsing how to break the news in my head,
My ostrich tendencies have caused me no end of trouble, and its a habit thats hard to break, more on that later!!!
To anyone out there reading this forum, thinking about what to do, I say its never as bad as you think.
I wish you luck persuading your partner that being bankrupt might be the best thing he has done in years, its liberating to be free of the worry, and stigma? What stigma? Who knows or cares? Live your life for yourself, not for other people .

Claudiac

tigerfeet2006

What a lovely first post. Thank you for posting your experiances.