Head in the sand partner

Takingthelead

Hi

I'm posting as I need some advice if possible.

I've been with my partner for just over two years now and he owns his own home. About 6 months ago we moved out of the house and re-located due to work commitments. We where planning on renting the house out and that would subsidise the mortgage payments a little, however 6 months on the house is still empty despite re-decorating, new carpets etc.

He is now at the point of not earning enough to pay the mortgage, rent current living place and his loans, credit cards etc.

I have just worked out his finances and including the mortgage it is £115000, £86000 of that is the mortgage itself, but the house is worth under £80000 now.

He has stuck his head in the sand and now refuses to even discuss anything. All these debts are in his name so I can't discuss re-payment plans with them. And if I'm honest we can't afford to pay anything.

I don't know what to do, we can't survive another month with the outgoings and our wages, so now is crunch time but he refuses to deal with it.

The latest was this morning being told by him that if anyone knocks on the door that I have to say I don't know him :eek: which means things are pretty bad.

The only thing we have of value is the house, which is currently empty. Everything is screaming at me to look at bankruptcy (I was made bankrupt two years ago by myself so know what happens). But his pride won't let him, as he feels that he would be less of a man and bring shame to his family. He has so far never missed payments on his mortgage, loans etc but now we just can't afford them.

Everything is a mess and I don't know what to do.

k2nga

Sounds like a real tuff situation but your OH really does need to face up to it. Yeah bury your head in the sand but it wont go away and just get worse.

We all feel ashamed when these things happen but no one sets out to get into debt and we all like to think we can manage but sometimes you just have to face facts and hit it head on and sort it out.

Maybe show him this site or others to prove there is support out there or call one of the charities like CCCS or National Debtline as sometimes its better to discuss it with a stranger.

Keep in touch and you will always find help and advice on here.

Takingthelead

Thank you

I might just leave some brochures lying around so that he can see them.

I can't even remember the last time we had fun as a couple, it must have been well over a year ago and now all we do is argue about money.

fiveyearplan

Does he actually know anything about BR? My husband was against it when I told him that was my only option - he wanted to borrow more on the house! I told him borrowing more was just delaying the inevitable. His views and knowledge of bankruptcy were very outdated from a friend of his who went BR in the 70's. Times have moved on and there isn't the same stigma or confines attached anymore.

Takingthelead

He does know about BR, his brother went BR about 2 years ago and they speak about it.

I think it is more the fact that he would feel a failure and in his family he is the mature, got it all together person who helps everyone else. The house is also the first thing he has ever brought that was just his (and the banks) and so he wants to hold onto it.

He is extremely stubborn and won't do anything until he has decided to but we can't hide everytime the door goes or dread the post man turning up.

fiveyearplan

No, you can only hide for so long... and the longer you leave it the more mess, stress etc there is.

k2nga

Yeah and as its going to happen in the end the sooner the better. I wish i had done it years ago now that i am coming out the other side.

Takingthelead

I think that once he has decided that a BR might be the best possible way then he will feel relief and rather than sit there worrying about stuff he will be able to sleep at night. And I will be able to answer the door aswell! :rolleyes:

Now just to get him to see that a BR isn't the end of the world

fiveyearplan

Good luck!

lynzpower

whats going on with the empty house? this is the first thing you need to think about. If it gets squatt4ed ( believe me- there are lots of run-of-the mill properties getting squatted at the moment)

Could you let it out to housing benefits claimants have you spoken to your local authority about this? It can pay quite well depending where in the country you are.

Also have you thought about auctioning the property off?

Takingthelead

It is currently with three letting agents who say the market for one beds are very slow. I have spoken to the local housing authority and they aren't interested in it.

If we sell it in an Auction we wouldn't get the amount we have left on the market £86000.

Even if we get a tenant in the property we still have to pay at least £200 a month on top of what we would receive to make the mortgage payments.