Do Not Lend Money To Friends - Help Now In A Pickle

justruth

My only offering on the advice section is that a verbal contract does exist in law. I know this from having to contact a solicitor regarding a very similar unfortunate situation from which I am still down.

On the support front you have mine completely. We judge others by our own standards, so we never see this coming. In their situation would you leave a friend in this mess? You know you wouldn't, or you wouldn't have helped them in the first place.

I strongly suggest that you tell your husband, at least then you have some support at home for your immediate problems. If you get a CCJ and they then become bankrupt I believe (and I am sure that I will be corrected if I am wrong) that the CCJ still remains as it has already been worked out according to affordability or something like that. You can go see a solicitor for free for the first half hour (check with them first) but they will advise you better regarding how to reclaim the cash. As the payment was made on card it is easier to prove that you loaned them the money, their only defence would be that it was a gift, but your subsequent difficulties would be evidence against that.

maz1964

hiya all

many thanks for your words of support and help, it really is something to feel that at least others have understood me, its been a very hard year, i wouldnt be in the mess im in if i hadnt helped them, the amount is about 12,000 over 3 cards none yet over the 5000 pounds, also she owes me about another 1000 for payments id payed myself, and another 1000 for a savings account i was contributing to and when it was my turn i was left with 700 short plus stuff i helped her buy on my store card

so talking about 15000 all in i guess

its really too much to even consider that i treated her as a friend and i have my own internal battles to deal with , with my illness and only going back to work in the past couple of months

i know it was a huge shock that others could treat me this way, it really has made me very careful and that is sad as im now judging all around me as potential scammers,

im sorry ive gone on a bit, i will be back, laters and then i can properley read your comments and see what is the best way forward as an initial step today and then onwards

i dont think they will be made bankrupt, as i say the hubby has the house only in his name, he is trying to set up a business and only she is supporting the family with income, but i dont see now how she can even get a hundred thousand mortgage on her money, so if the house is repossessed it will go against him only as she is disassociated from his credit and has no joint accounts with him

therefore she may be homeless the council may have to put her up or she will have to rent privately, and then maybe i might at least get some money from her on a regualar basis,

i dont want her homeless but i really think she is in cuckoo land to believe she can maintain the house and expences and mortgage on her own,

i think the decision may be taken from them and he will be repossesed and then we will have to see what happens then

im so sad that i just want to cry as my daughter is now feeling the pressure that im facing and i dont want her to worry about me - my hubby is aware of some of the things as ive opened up to him over the weekend but i cant face telling him its 15000 pounds as a top figure yet


see you all laters and huge heartfelt thanks for your interest and kindness

:beer:

laters maz

Merlinexcalibur

im sorry ive gone on a bit, i will be back, laters and then i can properley read your comments and see what is the best way forward as an initial step today and then onwards

Go on as much as you like. I could write encycopledia's on my own trouble in this direction for example. Part of it with me -and, I suspect yourself, but feel free to smack me if I got that wrong, hey? - is letting someone know. Because, like in my case, I was prevented for months (apart from those around me who were indirectly involved and knew what was going on; I was at the end of a phone box daily, because I wasn't living where I come from but miles from any family, friends or anyone I knew; so was a terrifying situation all round) from telling anyone. Not even relatives. That's how frightened I was made to feel by these people.

I like to read, listen to people's life stories. Because I feel it's very important that they are told. Your final few sentences are almost a mirror of the person who did this to me. She was in cloud cuckoo land but also borrowed money like water. She never intended to pay it back. And would lie to the point I don't think she could tell fact from fiction she'd got so used to it. To her husband. Everyone. Everyone got told different versions of the 'truth'.

Like you, I helped them - and things were kept from her husband; until in the end when she told him to get out of the money she'd effectively stolen from me; I was then threatened if I told anyone; I was very vulnerable at the time, they took advantage of that and my trust - and I also find it very very hard to begin to trust people.

TBH, because of all they put me through, no care in the world the devastating effects it had on me and still are having; for the pain will never go away, every day is a constant reminder of what I let them do to me, I wish truthfully they would go bankrupt. Because of the damage they have done to another human being. A human being who showed them kindness, saved their home and gave trust openly. And in return I got one massive kick in the teeth.

Like yourself, I am dealing daily with illness and it took me over a year to come to terms with what happened. It's still there, now, and it's 2 years just gone it all went down. In the end I just wish they would get what they deserve. Because no one should be allowed to get away with that in life. And not expect to not get anything back in return.

So, no, if it were just me you can vent all day if we knew each other in life. I am a wonderful listener and, more importantly, will never judge.

Hope all of that made sense.

ragingbass

Afraid I can't offer any good advice but have total sympathy for your situation.
v
I've read a few threads on here based on bad experiences of lending money to 'friends' and family and wonder how much of a problem this really is?!? I never here anything about it in the news but I suspect social lending is a significant problem in this country and think awareness of it should be highlighted!

I really hope someone is able to come on here and give you some good advice. But if I were in your situation, I'd put it down as a very expensive lesson learned and start treating the sum as your own debt and start working out how you are going to pay it off. But that's just me.

maz1964

hiya

ive again thanked you all that have posted since i last posted today

i truely appreciate your thoughts and support,

it has actually getting helping me get through today to tell you the truth

im off to do dinner but i promise will be back later

i am looking at all aspects of treating this as my debt now, i think i have to make that one decision to at least help me go forward with it on one hand, the other i am distraught of the effect it has had on me and i feel i need to address it and move forward

again thanks for your interest , yes i agree social lending between friends relatives is a bit of hush hush dilemma, and i think it really needs to be highlighted

catch up laters maz

reaver

I have a friend going through a similar situation. She's been advised that to claim against them she needs something in writing stating that they acknowledge they borrowed the money. They refused to give her this and said they can't afford to pay her back. She's got round it by telling them that she just needed to account for where her money has gone (it was an inheritance) with the taxman so just needs something in writing from her friends confirming that the money was loaned to them.... they signed it! Now she has the proof she needs and is taking them to court. Worth a try

maz1964

evening all

ive noted all your words of wisdom and i feel a bit clearer about stuff tonight

so far,

if she gets a mortgage to buy her hubby out she is supposed to get more to give me, however, im sensing there are other creditors too now, well i know there are, not sure of their amounts, maybe they stopped bailing them out and thats why i was befriended more.......

i cant see that she will as there is an issue over "Gifted Deposit" when the hubby took out the original mortgage and they sold Her house to buy the new build house

only halifax from 7 lenders have said they will lend and she needs to provide a 5% deposit and 2 years of her business accounts audits, i think the 5% is going to prove the stumbling block, but now not too sure what the gifted deposit means ,,,i always got the impression that her supposed equity from the previous house hers, was used as the deposit and he was able to obtain the mortgage in his sole name, guess it was her bad credit files at that time which went against her to become a joint owner of the mortgage.

i think if she doenst get a mortgage, the solicitors already have sent her a letter stating they are looking at repossessing, but its been stopped for the time being giving her chance to obtain the mortgage, and in such difficult times, i will be very very surprised if it gets done

also then i believe if they do repossess, she will be exempt from the mortgage at present and any debts the hubby has, so it may be the icing on the cake so to speak, she will earn and maybe i can get some money off her this way such a long shot though

i think for the time being for my peace of mind im going to have to do damage limitation to myself and my sanity

so having received all the credit agreements will view them, and i will have to see if i can negotiate smaller amounts and obtain in the meantime anything i can off her to offset against the debts.

i know i cant rely on her any longer, i nearly lost my home as i got behind with the mortgage but thankfully now that is sorted as such, im really assessing all my priorty debts first then living essentials, then any surplus against unsecured debts, and i will have to fight any court action as it comes along

im getting all my paperwork in order and then tomorrow i plan to assess my wages part time, and my living costs, and then any surplus offer to creditors and if they dont like it - nothing more i can do,

i will take a gander at the national debtline and cccs sites and see what i can actually put together and then see what happens with their situation and play it by ear

any other offers of info or guidance i will gladly take from you

thank you again

kind regards maz

justruth

From what you are saying, my understanding is that she does occassionally pay a little every now and then. If that is the case then keep absolutely precise details of every payment and the amount she owes you, along with each evidence you have that the money was lent to her, eg payments made on a card will show a payment reference, keep that. Her repayments demonstrate that the money owed was a loan, along with the evidence of the amounts owed. Even if she doesn't sign anything you will have evidence that the cash was a loan, not a gift. You could even go so far as to start writing out receipts in duplicate for every repayment that she makes signed by you both that includes the full amount, and tell her that your husband has insisted that you do it this way.

Also from what you have been saying it sounds lke she wouldn't deal with a CCJ if one cam through the door anyway, so you would win by default.

The fact of the matter is I honestly think you will be very lucky to get your money back. It appears that there are multiple factors that caused her to be in trouble in the first place and as she hasn't tackled them she will never have money.

On the plus side, now you can take control of the debt and that is a good feeling. I wish you luck

PasturesNew

maz1964 wrote: »

not too sure what the gifted deposit means ,,,

A gifted deposit is now something frowned on by mortgage companies.

It's where the developer/seller, puts down your deposit for you. They provide the 5-15% deposit needed.

e.g. House price £100k, gifted deposit £15k, you get mortgage for £85k

The issue with these is that the bank are being conned into thinking they're providing an 85% LTV mortgage, when in actual fact it's a 100% mortgage. And, in actual fact, the price was never £100k as the property was never "worth" that much at all. It was a way for the developer to sell an £85k house on 100% deposit, while getting round the LTV rules of banks AND making it look like he was giving the buyer something for nothing.

If it was a new build, even that gifted deposit value probably no longer exists. e.g. the £85k house, bought at £100k, is now worth only £80k.

nova

Hi maz,
So sorry to hear your story, there is no practical help l can offer, only support for your situation, l know it wont pay the debt but rest assured that you're a kinder person that your so called friend will ever be. lf l was ever lucky enough to win the lottery l would get your address and pay the debt off for you.
We're in a bit of debt at the moment but no way would l borrow off a friend and not pay it back properly, my lovely Dad is helping us out at the moment and it's because we are a close family and help each other out in what ever way we can, whether it be financial or emotional.
Sorry l cant help more, well not until l win that lottery!!!
lotsa love X