Gambler's mum

Gayrobot

Hi there. This is a plea from the heart of a distraught mother. I'd appreciate it if someone could give me an answer/advice asap. A son of mine is a gambling addict. I have the impression that after many years of reckless behaviour, he's seriously trying to recover & start afresh. A month or so agao he got his employers to pay his wages into my bank. Out of these, I've been administering his money, paying his rent & car insurance & transferring manageable instalments to his cash card account. Also, my son gave me his easycash Visa Electron card for safe keeping. This morning, though, I was concerned to get an email from my son, saying that he wants his Visa Electron card back. I feel very wary about letting him have it, because I feel he might use it recklessly, either to gamble online, obtain loans, or to obtain goods & services which he doesn't have the money for. Past experience has shown me that he just can't be trusted with these sorts of cards. And, whereas as I've mentioned, he's making a big effort to recover from his illness, it's early days yet. Just before Xmas I made the mistake of complying with his request to transfer largeish sums to his cash card account, and just as I feared he might do, he went & gambled the lot. I phoned Gamblers Anonymous this morning, they're supposed to "help" and "support" families of gamblers. But the woman I spoke to was downright rude to me, & hung up without really listening to what I was saying or trying to understand what advice I was seeking.
If anyone out there has experience of these cards, what you can & can't get with them, and/or experience of gambling, I'd be really really grateful.

jonesMUFCforever

He does not need his card for online gambling once it is registered with the site.
At the end of the day if he wants to give up gambling he will attempt to do so - if he seriously does not want to stop he won't.
If the cards are reported lost/stolen however it might stop it short term - but of course he will always manage to get a new card from somewhere.
Does he have any money worries? I ask because a default would probably stop him getting any new cards and probably his line of credit with existing lenders.
It may be the only way.

millsee

I don't know how computer literate you are, but this might be of use:

http://www.gamblock.com/

ChasingButterflies

Hi,

I really don't know the answer to your question... however I am in a similar situation (except it is my Mum who is a gambler)

She moved in with us in September when her house was repossed as she was gambling away all her wages. We made things as easy as possible - no keep etc. She had no outgoings other than clearing the debts she had accumulated. She started gambling again I *think* around October time but I *know* during December. She had been going to GA meetings but stopped in November. I confronted her at New Year when we returned (a bit early) to find her gambling online... She moved out as she feels it is better "to deal with this on her own"

As someone mentioned if they gamble online they do not need the card to load money into their account. My mum also plays the large jackpot fruit machines and does need her card to withdraw cash to play them.

I guess you have 2 options really - only give him the minimum he needs to live and no more. Or leave him in charge of his finances.

You have my sympathies - trying to support someone through their addiction is utterly draining.

I know I sound really hard and uncaring but I have been lied to and misled so many times now. I don't know when she is telling the truth and when she isn't - which is horrible because she is my Mum

Trust your instincts, I know it is an illness but in my Mums case she had no concerns at all about minipulating me, misleading me or just spinning me a plausable story about why she needed me to lend her money.

I am sorry, I don't know if anything in my post has helped, other than perhaps you are not alone.

lilac_lady

I know someone who has gambled for over 50 years. Every time he gets help to clear his debts he runs them up again. If you met him, you'd think he hadn't a care in the world. If you meet his wife, she looks as though she has all the cares of the world on her shoulders.

I'd give your son his card back and TRY not to worry as much as you have been doing because your own life will be suffering.

Gambling is a very selfish hobby.

mcfadwmc

go to the bank with him and get them to issue cash machine only cards... no switch, no solo etc.

this should help i think

alternatively if they will not do this then take your son to the bank and cut the cards up in front of the staff and ask for new cards to be issued. When they come, make sure you get to the cards first and scratch out the last three digits on the strip on the back of the card and then he will not be able to use them online to buy anything. If the old cards were cancelled then any attempt to spend on them will be declined

clearing_out_my_pockets

Head over to the debt free wannabe board - there's a support thread for gamblers and ex-gamblers. As some of them are recovering themselves, they'll be able to give you practical advice.

TotallyBroke

Hi,
Please do come over to the Ex and wouldbe section. http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1090463 I'm not a gambler my (now) ex partner is and they have helped me with advice and support.

97trophy

Your son is not going to listen to you.

Let him lead his own life. Love him but don't financially support him in anyway.